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Original poster

Advice on how to get dc used to idea of new baby

14 replies

Roseflower · 06/04/2011 09:36

I am currently expecting dc2 in October. Dc1 will be 5 by the time baby is born.

Dc1 has has quite a few years with us all to herself and I need advice on how to get her used to the idea of a new baby.

It has been a hard pregnancy with constant morning awful sickness so I think she already feels everything is changing. I thought she was ok with the idea apart from this, but she gets very jealous when we show people our scans and the other night I went to check on her at 10pm to find her wide awake and worrying about life with a new baby!

Any advice on how to get her happy and excited about the addition?

Thank you!

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Simic · 06/04/2011 09:45

There are good books about it... my dd enjoyed reading those (particularly lent by friends who have already had the younger sibling and don't need the book any more!). I also talked a lot about how dd was when she was a baby and we looked at her baby photos and wondered what OUR new baby would be like. We also talked about what she would do to look after her little brother - change his nappy (which she did and sometimes still does), put cream on, sing him songs, hold him, show him all her toys, show him round the house when he came home from hospital. I talked with her about the different stages in the first year - breastfeeding and then weaning - and about her feeding him sometimes when he had learnt to eat proper food.

Original poster

Roseflower · 06/04/2011 09:47

Thanks Simic. Do you remember the names of the books? I had a quick look on Amazon but could only find board books aimed at 2-3 year olds.

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cory · 06/04/2011 10:14

There are certainly things you can do to help her, books, a special present from the baby, making feeding time a special time for her and you (reading, listening to story tapes etc).

But there is one other thing you need to do too- and that is to accept that she doesn't have to be happy and excited all the time; she will need time to work through her own feelings. She may be very loving and excited, she may be openly jealous and or even downright nasty, she will almost certainly be more demanding. Just make sure you both understand that she has to control her behaviour but she has the right to her feelings.

My dd, who was a little younger, was very happy and excited- on one level. She also repeatedly threw things at little brother and tried to break his arms while he was at the breast. I had to put a lock on his door to be able to go to the loo. 10 years later, they are the best of friends.

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Original poster

Roseflower · 06/04/2011 10:25

Thank you cory that is very thoughtful advice about the feelings. I guess your right,just because she isn't always happy doesnt mean we need to worry she will be scarred for life. Even I and dh find the whole thing daunting at times, so of course she will too...

We have said she will have special big sister jobs (i.e helping the baby to play and choosing clothes)- but now Im wondering if we have over done it and she is worried her 'role' as a child we be replaced by having to give it all up to do 'jobs'... its a tricky balancing bussiness!

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EmmaCB1 · 06/04/2011 21:35

There's a 3.3 year gap between my 2 sons. We loved the book 'Share' by Anthea Simmons, although the last words are "Shall we share our mummy?" or something like that and one year on DS1 still shouts out NO WE WONT!! It's a funny and realistic book. My only gripe is that the mummy is a bit mean in asking the older child to share absolutely everything, including her precious teddy which of course the new baby chews and spoils.
www.amazon.co.uk/Share-Anthea-Simmons/dp/1849390096/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1302121559&sr=1-1

My advice would be to prepare your DD for the noise her sibling may well make, especially as you probably have a pretty calm and quiet house at the moment. And how at first the baby wont be much of a playmate. We found putting a stair gate on DS1's bedroom door helped when DS2 started to crawl so that he had a space in the house that was out of bounds to his brother unless he wanted to let him in.

EmmaCB1 · 06/04/2011 21:36

Sorry, realise stair gate advice is a bit off brief!

Original poster

Roseflower · 06/04/2011 21:44

Thank you Emma. It seems quite a balancing act to get the older dc to share their parents, toys... life.. but still make sure dc has their own special things?

I can remember what a terror I was when my sister was born! I do remember feeling really insecure I dont want dc1 to feel like that if possible.

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cory · 06/04/2011 21:49

We bought dd a pop-up playhouse as a present from baby brother; we thought she might appreciate a space of her own.

And yes, warning about what the baby won't be able to do is helpful. Dd made a beautiful paper mobile to hang over ds' bed and got most upset when he wouldn't play with it: I remember her wailing "he hasn't got time for me".

But we invented a good pretend game that we could all play together and that helped: the bed became a car and ds was the driver (lying on their backs and making rrr noises being pretty much the only contribution and 2week old baby can make) and we drove off to all these wonderful places where dd could buy (pretend) sweets. It was a good game, I miss it

feetheart · 06/04/2011 21:51

DD was nearly 3 when DS arrived so a bit younger.
Best thing we did, completely by accident, was to get her to sing to the bump. She sang 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' to him nearly every day - it was her special thing whilst I was pregnant. When he was born she was always able to calm him down by singing it, something neither DH or I could do :)

Original poster

Roseflower · 06/04/2011 21:53

I love the idea of that game cory!

I am going to look at Emma book too.

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Original poster

Roseflower · 06/04/2011 22:31

Sorry just noticed your post feetheart.What a lovley idea, I will def get dc to do a little song once I get a bump!

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MCos · 08/04/2011 18:16

Ahhh feedheart - that is one of the sweetest things I'd read on MN.

eversoslightlytired · 09/04/2011 21:29

Have got a 5 week DD and a 3.9 year DS. We didnt tell DS about the baby until the 20 week scan date as we took him with us. I explained that mummy had a baby in her tummy and that we would be going to see it on the tv at the hospital. I also told him that just because mummy was going to have another baby it didn't mean that we loved him any less, in fact we would love him more because not only would he be our special boy but he would also be a special big brother. We did read a book called There is a House in Mummy's Tummy (which might be a little bit young for your 5 year old but he liked it). Also he would talk to the baby and the baby would talk back saying how much it was looking forward to seeing him (again may be a bit young for yours). He loves his little sister (although not the noise she makes whilst he is trying to watch tv) and has shown no jealously towards her. I do have to point out that on the day of telling him he did inform me that "he didn't need a brother or sister thank you" and that "this tv is rubbish - I can't see a baby"!

Original poster

Roseflower · 14/04/2011 02:59

That is lovely eversoslightlytired

I hope my two dc will be as kind with each other. It's a worry...

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