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Parenting

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Original poster

Toddler and a 3 mth old

9 replies

Tessy321 · 06/04/2011 01:15

Hi,I have a 22mth old DD and a 3mth old DS.It seems my life has totally changed.I just find myself having no time for anything.I wake up at 8 in the morning and I am up working till late midnight.DH does help me.We have no family around.Both of us only feel exhausted towards the end of the day.DD is demanding and that too puts a lot of pressure on me.DD's tantrums sometimes causes a lot of exhaustion.Im breastfeeding too.It would be helpful if I get a way to do things properly where I could keep up the demands and be a good mom at the same time.I think I just need help.I have a childminder coming home sometimes to give me a hand(Its expensive so can't afford all the time)

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AlmaMartyr · 06/04/2011 10:36

Hi, I had a 22 month age gap between mine and it is really hard work. It does get better (promise!) but was very hard for a while. Sorry you don't have much help nearby, that must be very difficult :( Do you get out to things much? I found that getting out of the house really helped me get a bit of a break.

mrsdaz · 06/04/2011 11:09

im going to be in your position soon as dc3 due in July and ds2 will be 23 months. I found it hard enough with ds2 for the first year and am dreading the next one! I have ds1 to help me alot and my husband is great.

I think you need to just be easier on yourself..its hard work and still early days..you just have to ride it out for a bit and it will get easier.

Original poster

Tessy321 · 06/04/2011 14:45

Thanks a lot!Im sure it will get easier.I'll try to get out on my own in the evenings after DH is home.Think that might give me a break!

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AlmaMartyr · 06/04/2011 15:51

Sounds like a good idea Tessy :) Do whatever it takes to make you feel better really.

Tootingbec · 06/04/2011 21:55

I have 18 months between mine so completely feel your pain - it is relentless! But, if it helps, you are coming out of the worse of the tiny baby stage and hopefully your DS will be able to wait a bit longer between feeds which will take some of the pressure off?

I find getting out with both of mine helps me enormously. They are both strapped into the double buggy so can't go anywhere! Also I take my toddler to a playgroup once a week which means she can run about safely without me worrying.

My DD goes to nursery once a week which also helps, but we are uping that to twice a week even though it is SO expensive. Seriously, is there anything you could give up spending on (like a TV subscription or gym membership?) or sell to fund some extra childcare here and there? I find that if I can have 2 days a week without my toddler really helps - the baby is a breeze when we are one our own!

But, I am with you - I really struggle to "let go" of the house. I hate being in chaos and find the inability to get anything done between the hourse of 7am and 7pm really difficult!

Anyway please know that there are thousands of parents out there who feel exactly the same as you. It is tough but there is a light at the end of the tunnel as eventually the worse of it will be over!

Original poster

Tessy321 · 11/04/2011 21:02

Thankyou so much Tootingbec.Ifeel so much better after reading your message.I am trying to find a nursery,because that sounds brilliant.Its hard work,as you said eventually the worse will be over!

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trixie123 · 11/04/2011 21:19

am about to be in your situation so read with interest. The only thing that occurs to me is can you express or mix feed so that your DP can at least do the late feed and let you get to bed?

Mumbybumby · 11/04/2011 21:22

Hi tessy!
I feel your pain, I have a 23 month gap (DS is now 9 weeks) and it's bloody hard work!
Up until now I've just been doing what I can to get through the day (we usually manage to get out by 3pm if we're lucky!) but I have promised myself I'm going to get more organised.
I've drawn myself up a sort of schedule so I can get out of the house in the morning (before DD's nap) and get all the chores done throughout the week, instead of seeming to do them all every day! Of course, this running smoothly depends on DS (who is BF on demand and demands most of the time!) and DD (who is also having a tantrummy time at the moment).

I agree with the poster who said nursery is a good idea, DD goes in for one day a week and it is nice to spend the day, just the two of us (plus she loves it and comes back knackered!)

I'm holding out for my reward of the two of them entertaining each other in a year or so (I hope!) as my hard work will have paid off! :)

Good luck, things will get easier!

ilovedjasondonovan · 11/04/2011 21:38

Hi,
We had a 22 month gap with no family close by at all.
It was hard (lots of trips to the park and packets of raisins helped).
But you really are getting to the end of the worst of it. Once the baby is in a better routine and sleeping through you'll feel better about it all.
I can remember getting to my DD2 1st birthday and looking back thinking "what the hell have we just been through for the past year". But it WILL get easier and they will be good friends by the time the baby is 1. We're now at almost 5 and almost 3yrs old and they disappear off for 30 mins at a time to play sometimes. Its these moments that make that first hard year worth it.
Good luck, it'll all be worth it.

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