Made a right hash of feeding my children - is it too late to turn things around?

[Dancergirl]

I've posted on here before about my fussy eaters. Mainly my 8 year old dd who eats a v limited diet and has a problem with textures and wet food.

I've tried v hard over the years not to pander to her too much but it seems like I have done because she is worse than ever. When I had dd3 I was determined to get it right and for a while she was a good eater but is now copying her fussy sister. Dd1 (nearly 10) is a bit better and more receptive now to trying new things which is good.

So at the moment I am usually still cooking for them separately at 5 and then another meal for me and dh to eat later. A lot of work I know and I've also made the mistake of giving them convenience foods (eg fish fingers). Not every day but maybe once a week. I love food and cooking and do try and cook with fresh ingredients as often as possible, even if it means a v plain meal for the girls (eg plain chicken breast or salmon fillet).

Sometimes I try the one meal for all eg spag bol which they'll eat the spag and pick at the bol. Tonight I made sausage and mash for everyone...I have to say it was liberating making one meal and just serving it up. Dd1 surprised me by eating the mash and dd3 tried a tiny bit of the mash but better than nothing. Dd2 (the fussy one) refused to even try the mash (she doesn't eat any potato in any shape or form).

I feel really guilty about the whole eating thing and how I've got it so wrong. So can I turn things around, is it too late? (dds are nearly 10, 8 and 4).

Shall I just make one meal for all every day and you either eat it or you don't? I just don't know the rules. Do you make each child try some of everything on their plate? Do you always make them eat some veg or just encourage?

As you can see I'm struggling with this. Probably because I lacked a good role model as a child. My own mother made countless different meals for me if I didn't like the food and let me eat chocolate biscuits for breakfast.

I decided about a month ago to sort out DC's diet, I admit I had been a bit slack ofver the past couple of years due to emotional stuff due to my divorce.

I give no puddings unless everything on plate is cleared

I tend to serve food which is tolerated by all if not loved

On a seperate plate in the cetre of the table is taster foods, which complement the meal but I know DC would normally turn their noses up at. All must try these foods and say what they do don't like about them - this has given me a good insight into textures and flavours they really don't like.. Foods appear on this plate on a regular basis though. Also if they refuse to try a decent bite of each food, also no pudding. Also on the plate is foods I know they do like, so it doesn't become a torture device :)

No TV all sit round and chat during the meal, on occasions I am not eating I still sit down with a cup of tea an nibble of the midle plate.

The difference in my childrens awareness of good food choices, appetite and speed of eating has improved so much, it really is worth those early battles

Hi OP, your post got me thinking on this issue again.

I have a veggie husband and 2 kids are fairly fussy eaters. On bad days, 4 different meals are eaten. (On a good day we all eat the same, usually pasta or fajitas). For a while I've been thinking I have to stop this.

So I read your post yesterday, and decided to give it a try. Everybody got veg. chili last night - with a promise of pudding if they ate their dinnner. And it worked! It really helped that DD1 has given up treats for lent (and will get a toy at the end if she makes it the whole way through lent), and I told her she could have treat regardless if she finished her dinner. And I also waited until they were really hungry. DD1 had some complaints, and I agreed she could leave the kidney beans and green peppers. DD2 had to drink water after ever bite (oops, it was a little too hot 4 her), but cleared her plate.

I only prepared one dinner - yeah!!!!!!!

Today was a full day of hobbies, so main meal was in a restaurant. But I'm going to try again tomorrow. Not sure what is on the menu yet, but I'll try something the kids haven't had before.

And forgot to add:
fluffles - I will also use your idea to get their input into the weekly menu planning.
holyShmoley - your is another idea that I will use. Try everything, but choose your portion sizes.
willali - I'm going down your route too. I'm going to try the one meal approach during weekends. During week, kids will eat earlier anyway because of hobbies. But I'm going to insist they eat same thing.

So many good ideas here on this thread.

Today dd2 tried lettuce VOLUNTARILY!! She still made a fuss and had to have a drink after but she tried a bit and that's what counts.

I think actually, deep down (or subconsiously) she is pleased I'm taking this approach cos she knows it will help her to eat more foods. She occasionally used to admit that she wished she liked more foods so in a way she was crying out for this clear boundary to be set.

I do feel a bit of a clot for leaving it so long though..... And I know it will be v slow progress....

That is so lovely to hear - I reckon lettuce is one of the hardest things to get them to try as you can't really disguise it or flavour it with anything. We're having issues with DS2 (15m) now as he was ill and didn't want to eat anything and is now doing the toddler crisps/yoghurt/bread phase. I cannot remember how the hell we dealt with the other two doing that (and I know they definitely both did it) but he has learned to say 'No' specially.....

And don't feel a clot, life is really busy and it requires a bit of brain space to think through and act on solutions for problems like this. When they're tiny, brainspace is not really available, is it?!

fluffles - I tried your idea today. Got DDs to help with menu for the next 6 days. Each could nominate 2 things each, one that her sister also likes and one other thing. And I got to choose 2 things.

We had baked pasta & cauliflower with cheese sauce today, and it was eaten by all, even thought DD2 'doesn't really like' cauliflower. A treat (small iceberger) was promised for empty plates (well, nearly empty was good enough), and I had to do a feeding game with DD2 to finish the cauliflower.

But only one dinner. Yay.

My 4 year old has been a nightmare eater and just turned the corner with him. We don't make him clear his plate every meal but what we do expect to get some kind of pudding (fruit, yog, or sometimes apple pie etc) is that he has made a reasonable effort and tried something of everything on his plate. He has just started eating a right variety of foods now and we emphasise how proud we are of him everytime he tries something new. His 2.5 year old twin sisters on the other hand eat anything lol