What are the opinions on smacking?

[ihatecbeebies]

I personally don't smack and use the naughty step and take away privileges but a few friends smack if it is something serious the child has done and sometimes I've wondered if the naughty step is enough, what are everyone else's thoughts?

On the occasion I smacked DS once to teach him to avoid danger, it was because he ran away from the shopping arcade we were in and ran, giggling, up the road, past the entrance of a busy car park and, when I finally caught him, was just about to cross the road. I smacked him because what he did was dangerous on so many levels, I really wanted him to associate what he'd just done with negative consequences, rather than the fun he'd just had doing it.

I also smacked him once because he had a major tantrum and wouldn't stop screaming, couldn't be moved and when I got up to take him to his room I tripped and fell over and he laughed at me. That occasion was because I was upset and angry at his behaviour, particularly the fact he was pleased I'd hurt myself. That time I seriously regretted and it was never repeated. I had a similar childhood to Oscalito and it had similar effects on me, so I don't condone hitting children once they're old enough to be reasoned with, in any circumstances ... although obviously having done so once out of anger and upset I understand how it can happen - but I think there's a difference between a parent that snaps under pressure and one that slaps their children silly any time they misbehave.

Meglet, I had the same problem with DS for a while ... we found that removing attention worked really well. At first it meant putting him in his room and holding the door while he threw a major wobbler, but it did have an effect. Good luck, I hope you find something that works.

"I would lose all respect for anyone who raised a hand to me as an adult, and didn't feel any different as a child. If my parents hadn't smacked me as much as they did I probably wouldn't live on the other side of the world today."

Oscalito, you clearly misunderstood my post completely (although it was pretty clear). The respect has to be won by being a good parent in many ways including explanation, encouragement, sufficient time spent together etc. The respect is not won by smacking. A smack is just a clear sign to a child that they have crossed a line and temporarily lost the closeness with their parent. In that sense a smack does not need to be painful, just enough to get the point across. I doubt it is solely by smacking you that you lost respect for your parents? Were they good parents in other ways?

my opinion is that it doesnt work

I have to admit, for the first time ever, to not having read the whole tread but... my feelings are: I was smacked by my parents not often , can only remember one time but am assured it was more frequent. I remember them with the utmost love and affection not dread or humiliation. I smacked my 3 DCs and I have talked to them about it. Mostly they don't remember it and when they do they say it was completely justifieid. They are the least violent children you could ever hope to meet, at 14, 17 and 19 I think they would have displayed violent tendancies by now if they were going to.

My parents aside, I think that as a parent your job (well one of them) is to teach your kids to operate in the real world. Smacking, rough handling, intimidating words etc aren't going to cut it in your average workplace or party or whatever so why set that example?

Don't really want to continue with this argument as we clearly disagree. Each to their own.

I don't agree with smacking, as others have said it does not send a good message to a child - I am your parent so I can hit you?

(However, I wouldn't condemn anyone for smacking to avert maiming or death, in the heat of the moment you have to do what's going to do the least harm overall.)

I wouldn't advocate anyone starting to use smacking as a disciplinary method now, whatever your views on it. I would be very surprised if it is still legal in three or four year's time, so how would you manage if your ultimate sanction is suddenly no longer an option?

We use natural and logical consequences. If he runs in the road he can't be trusted to walk alone so next time will be in buggy or on reins. This approach has worked for us, I have 3 extremely well behaved and respectful sons who have never been smacked.

I don't smack partly because I could never bring myself to hit them hard enough to make an impact partly because the only children I've seen behave well due to smacking are terrified of their parents imo that leads to a whole bunch of other problems when you rule though fear.