How do you make time for your children when theres a big age gap??

[mrsdaz]

I have ds1 aged 10 and ds2 age 20 months. I am a SAHM but work 2 evenings in the week and all day on Sunday. Obviously i spend a lot of time in the day with ds2 going to playgroups and doing various activities but i never get time for ds1. I am also 25 weeks pregnant and know things will get harder with the baby arrives. I try to spend time with ds1 but i am just not interested in any of his games (playstation or soldiers etc) and find that we end up arguing a lot of the time as he asks to do things with me at the wrong time i.e. when im cooking tea or bathing ds2. I play board games with him but he often wants to play monopoly or a game that he knows will take hours to play which i just dont have, he then gets upset that the game is over and starts arguing with me again saying i hate him and treat him like dirt. I do shout at him a lot as i suppose i expect him to understand that i am struggling for time and i have to remind myself he is only 10!!

We did some baking tonight and he helped me to cook tea which he is very eager to do and loves helping...which makes me so guilty as i know he is desperate to spend time with me.

He plays football 3 times a week which his dad takes him to so he gets time with him but i rarely get to go and watch him as im either working or the weather is bad and ds2 will be a nightmare and not sit in his pram.

How does everyone else balance things? I suppose i need to just have an evening a week of us doing something on our own together but its so hard.

no great advice, but I have a similar feeling - my eldest is nearly 9 and I have a 6 year old and a baby. I also work 4 days a week, so finding time for them all is tough. the older ones love the cinema, and (whisper it!) mcdonalds as a treat, so I leave the baby with dad and we go and do that; they enjoy doing something 'grown up' and a bit 'naughty'!I also try and spend an afternoon now and then with just my eldest - we go to a museum or a gallery, or exploring on the tube and out to lunch. he is great company when it is just the two of us. he knows I have no interest in computer games and dont even pretend to like these or football, I just try really hard to find something we both like. good luck!

I have 3 children, aged nearly 10, 8 and 4. I think it's really important to spend some time with each child individually but I know often easier said than done!

What time does your little one go to bed? Can you spend some time with your older ds after little one is in bed? What I do is after dd3 is in bed, the older 2 are usually reading or playing for a bit. Either I spend some time with them together (I read to them a chapter of a book - even though they're keen readers, they still like being read to!). And we cuddle up on my bed to read. OR I have some time with them individually and they like me to get into their beds for a cuddle and a chat. They really like that!

Sometimes I might take one out at the weekend when dh is around.

I leave the baby once a week with a babysitter and pick up DD1 (6) from school and then we can do something just her and me, for 1h or 2 (she chooses what).
Some week-end DH gets the baby and we have a girl afternoon.
She goes to sleep a bit later so have time for a chat, short game, a cuddle in front of "how it's made" (again her choice), bed time story alone (her dad or me) and a song from me.
She also love helping to cook, tidy up the outside.

Babies with a babysitter (or creche at the gym?) and take your DS out. Swimming or tennis or cinema something else that would be hard to do with the youngsters.

Be effective and unswerving in packing of your younger ones, so that you give your DS the message that sometimes he comes first. Babies cry louder, and get seen to quicker, so I think the pled ones can feel like second class citizens.

Also, have you thought of bringing him into your life, and your interests and responsibilities. For example, get him cooking or menu planning, or shopping to a budget with you. Or put together some flat pack furniture. It's time together, ot helps you, and it's teaching him.

Thanks for all the replies.

I do involve him in certain things such as cooking tea or meal planning...i could get him to do more though and now the sun is starting to come out i could maybe start a herb garden or something with him.

They both go to bed at 8pm, we struggled for over a year with ds2 not sleeping more than 2 hours at a time and now that he is in this routine i dont want to upset it by putting him to bed any earlier. DS1 needs his sleep as he has a busy life with school and different sports that he does. I guess i could let him stay up until 8.30 and spend that half an hour with him.

Its a good idea to do something with him out of the house...like you say its hard to make time for him when we are at home as their is always something else demanding my time.

I am thinking of finishing work earlier for maternity leave so that i have more time as 2 evenings in the week are spent at work from 6pm and for ds1 he spends 2 evenings a week out doing activities too..which only leaves us 1 evening at the moment!

To be totally honest, my answer is 'grandparents'. I know not everyone has that luxury, but a few days away from home with childcare on tap can really help break those bad cycles.