Do you know how to stop bedtime, specifically, "staying in bed", becoming a game? I am not winning...

[waytoomuchchocolate]

LONG...sorry.

I am at my wits end tonight with ds1, who is 2.7.

We changed his cot into the cot bed about 2 months ago. Since then it's basically been a total nightmare putting him to bed at night (at about 7pm). He hasn't napped in the day for about 6 months so he is always tired. To be honest, he's massively overtired because he also is up by about 5.30/6am every day (and has been for about the last year).

He can be falling asleep in his tea, with his bedtime milk, in the bath, during the bedtime story, but the minute we reach the end of the story it's like someone switches him back on and all manner of diversionary tactics begin to avoid getting into bed. I'm pretty strict now about just getting him into the bed, but then once i've got him in and the light is off and i leave the room, the most "fun" game in the whole world seems to start i.e. the get out of bed game.

I've tried just putting him back in without saying anything. I've tried saying i'll be back in a few minutes and trying to extend the period i'm away until he falls asleep. I've tried sitting in the room.

He's so bloody stubborn though that we get to about an hour of whatever method i'm trying and i lose my temper. I shout and get cross. Then he cries, and then he finally stays in bed.

I hate that every night it ends in tears. I hate that i have to get cross. I know he's only 2. Should I just be sat there stroking his back until he falls asleep?! Seriously, he'd just get up and be wandering around the room...as I say, it's a fun game for him!

I've tried reward charts. I've tried bribery. Bribery worked for a while. Reward charts were a lost cause on him.

The door is left open a bit. He has a nightlight.

I'm lost for a way forward now.

It doesn't help that I'm exhausted, as ds2 (6 months) is still up half the night, the day begins, as i say, with ds1 at 5.30am, and my dh is never home until about 9pm. So it's always just me doing it - with half a mind thinking about the bombsite downstairs that needs clearing up and the fact that I'm starving!

I don't want every night to end in tears, and I would ideally just like him to stay in bed once he's in it.

I am having a good old moan, I realise that!

I'm asking though, how did you stop this game?

Thank you thank you thank you for any advice.

I had this with ds1. I put a stairgate on his door and just left him to it.
After quite a few nights of him potterinh around his roo
for ages and falling asleep on the floor he finally got bored oc it and went to sleep in hos bed!

ok well it sounds like he is overtired and geting a second wind. so i would move bedtime forward.
give him his tea, quick wash over with flannel, and into bed.

i would also consider putting him back in a cot iunless he is too big or climbing out of it.

The thing that worked with me with both dcs was having a star chart. It was the first - and until this week the only thing - I have used them for. I drew it rather than buying one (which seems less fun somehow), and would hand the star to the dd if she had stayed in bed all night. She chose which colour star to use. And she chose what she would get when she had filled up the ten stars. For DD1 it was a pair of Disney shoes, for DD2 it was a £5 plastic figure (so not huge gifts).

It worked, but took time. DD took about five weeks to get ten stars - and even that involved a bit of flexibility (such as giving her a star for sleeping through and ignoring the fact that she had got up three times once!). The best thing was that it gave us a way of talking positively about staying in bed; it made her feel good about the idea.

Have just done another one for DD2, for wiping her own bottom. We were in conflict about it, and I was getting irritated. She has responded instantly (doing it herself each day since we started - so she will fill her chart up pretty soon).

Best of luck - I feel your pain!

with ds1 i battled and battled and battled until he was about 3.5 and learned to go to sleep.

With ds2 i lay on his bed until he dropped off, until he was about 3.5 and learned to go to sleep

i don't know what that says about me, or the methods, or my children, but I DO know which was easier and more pleasant!

I had this with my ds too, same as you I normally had to resort to shouting at him and eventually he would go and stay in bed. I would try to just pick your one method and stick with it though, so he knows the drill and less likely to keep trying it to see if he gets any different result? (I used to do a variety of things too but I think consistancy is prob better?) Mine just grew out of it by himself I think, or eventually got the message. Took quite a while though unfortunately...
Bit harsh but I sometimes used to say if you keep coming out of bed will have to have the door closed or nightlight off which he did not like the idea of at all, so sometimes would work, but had to follow through with that a couple of times to show meant business
Story cds to listen to in bed can sometimes work?
I don't know really, hopefully he will just get it soon. I sympathise though! is really not what you want to deal with when you have got to the end of the day and packed them off to bed but they will not stay there. takes a lot of patience

Thanks everyone! I'm going to try and stick to one thing and keep it the same for a good few weeks - am going to try it all a lot earlier, and am going to try the stories on a tape. He does seem to need to wind down (no matter how tired he is, so maybe that will help). I'll start by lying in there with him and see if I can gradually make it out! At least that sounds more enjoyable than the current variety of methods! Really appreciate the responses.

Sorry I really don't have any great suggestions else I would use them myself on my 2 year old DS too!! He's been doing the same for about six months now and we just take him back up, take him up, camp out on the landing until he's at least calm, we have tried reward charts also but he just does not seem to care so we are just hoping that it gets better with time.

I lay down next to ds (2.4 yo) until he falls asleep - takes about 5 mins on a good night and 15ish mins the rest of the time. He takes a toy - usually a car or some emergency vehicle and plays with that to begin with then drifts off to sleep pretty quickly. We don't normally hear from him for the rest of the evening.

It'll probably all go wrong as am expecting ds2 in July!! Hum ho.

Hope you find something soon that works for you all

Just to add to the others that I had this battle with DS1 from about 3.5ish and went through exactly what you are going through - I dreaded bedtime as it always ended in raised voices, me and DH getting angry etc etc (mainly cos we have our tea after they are in bed so it just delayed that!)

Went with the easiest option of lying with him till he fell asleep - that way, I could guarantee that our evenings weren't ruined and I got some lovely cuddly time with him aswell.

I am still doing it now even though he is 4.7 but I still don't think it is a really big deal as he is almost always asleep within 10-15 minutes and I get to chill out on his bed for that time.

Funny thing is that DS2 is totally different in that I put him to bed and he stays put - he is now 2.5 and has been in a big bed since just before he turned 2 and he never ever gets out of it until he wakes up in the morning - it never fails to amaze me how different my 2 boys are

I think its Gina who says to have a 10/20 min 'rest' in mid afternoon. Upsatirs on the bed, lie down have a story with a lamp on. Might help with overtiredness later. Stairgate sounds good too

I had exactly same problem (DS is now 3.9 years). Ended up with a stairgate and a book (downloaded from the internet) called Sleep Sense. The book gives you two options - the stay with them option or the leave them to it (bit like controlled crying) one. We chose the leave them to it one as it was a much nicer version of the controlled crying which meant that if you did go in you could talk to them and make eye contact. Took about a week but we go there in the end (just after his 2nd birthday).

Stair gate. And the only word to be spoken after night night is "bed".

Same as the poster who said Stair-gate and let him get on with it. This worked with my ds. He did potter round sometimes then you'd hear him tottle off to bed, then after a bit he'd just stay in bed after his story.

Stairgate here, too, but only for DS1 and only for a couple of nights (it's a very long time ago, though).

deffo the stairgate

If its become a game of sorts, then don't make it fun and he'll soon learn. I'm a huge advocate of the "just replace child in bed" tactic. Just keep your cool and give him nothing--just place him back in the bed. Or, if he's not getting up, but being awake and noisy in bed, I'd just ignore that.

It is a very long day for him to be awake for at his age. If he wont nap, then perhaps some quite time in the afternoon (maybe after lunch?) with a darkened room and some gentle activity like reading for about 20 minutes would help to relax him? And agree with the posters who say bring bedtime forward if possible. Overtired kids are no fun, for them or us!

I agree with stairgate and then no words after that but "bed" (or in my case "night night, sleep well" is sometimes added, but definitely no conversation. Just be REEEEALLLY boring!).

Also decide what you really care about. With DS, we don't actually mind him wandering round his room or quietly looking at a book or puzzle for a bit (he sits in his doorway to get the light from the hall). Once he's had enough he climbs into bed on his own and is usually asleep within 15-20 mins of bedtime (if he is pottering around too long we switch off the hall light to encourage him!). Our rules were - no coming out of his room after bedtime except if he needs a wee (we used the stairgate and hooks on some doors to prevent this), and no noise to avoid disturbing the baby.