Co-sleeping to own bed - how long does it take to settle down?

[BertieBotts]

(Reposting here because I always forget Sleep doesn't get much traffic)

DS has co-slept from birth. He's now 2.6 and as he has an annoying habit of hooking his feet into the duvet and uncovering us both, and I noticed that when my bf stayed over and we slept on the sofa bed, that DS woke up less and less without me there, I decided it was time to buy him a bed.

So I bought him his own bed and he has been really excited about it and given the choice would prefer to sleep there. But he's gone from waking at 11pm and/or 4-5ish, to sleeping through most of the evening but then waking at 1am, 3am, 5am, and I'm completely wrecked. When he used to wake in my bed he'd have a quick feed and go back to sleep, I'd barely register. If bf was staying and I had to go up to DS, it was a disturbed night but it wasn't every night.

On night 1 I slept in DS' bed with him and barely got any sleep because the light was all wrong in the room and the bed was too wobbly. He slept fine though. Nights 2-7 he was ill, so I was tired anyway. Night 8 I slept in my bed and went through to him, then bf suggested I should stay in my bed and get DS to come in to me, which I did - just told him what would happen beforehand and he did it, and it was better, but we're now on night 14 and last night I had to close the stairgate and let him play in his room for a while until he felt tired enough to come into bed with me. It doesn't help that he went to bed really late on Saturday because he'd been to his Dad's. I can normally 'reset' this by getting him up early but I just can't when I'm so tired.

I can cope I think if I have a rough idea how long it will take for him to get to a pattern of waking at 5ish, 4ish even maybe, rather than it being right in the middle of my night. He did do one night where he stayed in his own bed until 3am which was good - that must have been before the weekend.

I also can't get comfy in my own bed because it's weird not being able to hear him breathe. I haven't slept in a room completely alone since I was a baby. But I suppose I'll get used to that. Also sleeping in a really light hyper-aware state in case he wakes up and needs me, I don't seem to be doing this consciously, again how long does it take to get used to it?

Are you still breastfeeding at night? If so I would stop that, maybe offer water instead. At 2.6 he is certainly old enough to sleep through the night!

Have you thought about a reward chart where he gets stickers for each night he stays in bed and after a certain number of nights he gets a special treat?

I think I would also stop him coming into your bed in the night full stop, apart from in the morning for a cuddle as it could be sending him mixed messages.

What is his room like? Does he have a nightlight or something musical to help him get to sleep? DD is 3 and still has the musical nightlight she has had since she was a baby. If she cries at night the music comes on and soothes her back to sleep.

I think the Dr Sears sleep book (can't remember the exact title) has a chapter on toddlers and moving on from cosleeping, might be worth a look?

Are you still breastfeeding at night? If so I would stop that, maybe offer water instead. At 2.6 he is certainly old enough to sleep through the night!

Have you thought about a reward chart where he gets stickers for each night he stays in bed and after a certain number of nights he gets a special treat?

I think I would also stop him coming into your bed in the night full stop, apart from in the morning for a cuddle as it could be sending him mixed messages.

What is his room like? Does he have a nightlight or something musical to help him get to sleep? DD is 3 and still has the musical nightlight she has had since she was a baby. If she cries at night the music comes on and soothes her back to sleep.

I think the Dr Sears sleep book (can't remember the exact title) has a chapter on toddlers and moving on from cosleeping, might be worth a look?

Thanks for your suggestions :) I don't mind breastfeeding him at night, I'd just like him to go back to the pattern of waking which he had before. I don't think he would understand a sticker chart for staying in bed either. But perhaps something to try if I get really desparate!

If you think I should stop him coming into my bed, what do you think I should do instead? Go in to him or just leave him crying? I was doing the first one because I felt that was less confusing for him, but then that meant I woke up more. I don't mind if he spends part of the night in my bed or I spend part of the night in his, I trust he will transition totally eventually, I'd just like it to be less disruptive to my sleep in the meantime - that's more important to me than it happening quickly. In order of importance:

1. Don't stress DS out
2. Let me get as much sleep as I can during this
3. That we all adjust as quickly as possible

He had a musical nightlight thing when he was a baby but it just excited him and woke him up more, so I never replaced the batteries when they ran out. When he wakes up he moves around in the bed trying to find me and sometimes goes back to sleep, other times he cries until either I come in or he comes to enough to remember where I am and then he comes in.

sorry about double post - bloody blackberry!

If it was me I would go in when he cries, give him a cuddle and stay with him for a bit, but then explain mummy has to go to her bed now and leave him to it. After a few nights of it I'd also probably not go in straight away when he cries and see if he can settle himself.

Perhaps you could let him choose a new teddy or something to keep him company at night?

Is he waking to feed or just for comfort? If it's feeding I would be tempted to give up the nightime BF, but of course that's up to you.

I only coslept for 6 months with each of mine - it was great when they were tiny but I craved my own space again and found they both slept better without me!

I would just co-sleep a bit longer and make his room really nice, sort out the issue you had with the light (maybe get those curtains with black out lining and a nice small night light/torch (you can get many different characters, Thomas, Disney cars, etc.). I would allow him to sleep in his own bed if he wants, take him to the loo when you go to bed (that is if he is potty trained) because if he needs to wee he will wake up much earlier. If he then wakes and you cannot settle him really quickly I would simply take him with you. In my experience these things simply sort themselves out at the pace of the child without any big issues/tantrums etc.

I'd get another duvet for your bed - one for each of you! DS got his own bed at aged 3.2 but comes in every night. To be honest I encourage it, because I don't feel that he's ready to be on his own. Either me or dh put him to bed and lie on a mattress on the floor until he's asleep. I couldn't tell you what time he comes in to our bed to be honest. He just has a cuddle and then goes back to sleep.

My 10 and 1/2 yr old has only recently stopped coming into my bed and my 8 1/2 yr old still comes in and some point in the night. I don't mind at all and only wished I hadn't spent many years trying to get them to sleep in their own beds when they were much happier in mine
Do what you want to do and what feels right.

Thanks all :) I seem to have got over my light sleeping thing so although DS is waking at 2/3ish I'm feeling like I can cope with that more easily. I think it will sort itself out in time. I'm not going to worry about whether he comes in to me or I go in to him, will just do what seems appropriate each time.

It all seems so much easier and less complicated when I'm not sleep deprived!