how do you discipline an almost 4 year old who is going totally balistic!?

[Talou1]

Hi my 3.10 d.s is usually adorable but is very hot headed, he had the usual argument with a friend today about who wanted which toy, my d.s hit out, the other boy hit back and then d.s just leapt on him and grabbed him by the hair and wouldn't let go. He gets so furious that he lashes out, or jumps up and down crying and making a kind of roaring sound. Today I took him out of the play group and banned telly time, but of course as we were leaving he was shouting hysterically " I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME..." I do stay calm and tell him to calm down but I can't get through to him when he is ranting. Now he is happily in his room playing with his toys and singing so my telly ban hasn't bothered him at all. He is not always like this, he can play very nicely and be very affectionate but when he blows he blows!! Don't know how best to react? It's not just when playing, yesterday he blew up because he didn't want to go to nursery. Distressing for all of us.

My DS is exactly the same age, 3.10. He is a loony. There are no other words to describe it!

He is very jealous of his little sister (15 months) so fights, roars and blows all day in the house.

I think it's testosorone (spelt soooo wrong). Apparently this hormone peaks in them around 4/5 and they get all aggresive and OTT.

My DS was pretty good until recently. Now I need a tranquilliser gun at tea time grrrrr.

I think we are supposed to teach them about keeping calm and dealing with things until this phase passes.

I generally shout and then get him to bed early then drink wine!

i have a utility room off the kitchen with a glass panelled door. if they behave badly i just quietly say "unacceptable behaviour" and put them in there until they have calmed down. Every so often putting my head round the door saying "if you can behave yourself you can come out". if they kick, shout, scream, cry i just shut the door. few minutes later repeat, for as long as it takes. zero attention.

if he had done that at a toddler group i would have picked him up calmly and flung him in the car and gone straight home. if still going ballistic, into the utility room to calm down. no shouting, just calmly repeating "unacceptable behaviour"

and yes for you BIG glass of wine

Hi, I know it sounds awful but it's nice to know that mine isn't the only one. We call him a cycle path (i.e psychopath - bless his cottons). I know what you mean about the wine, it does help! My d.s has a little sis too, 8 months, he can be a bit jealous and he is defo more angry since she came along...oh the joys of family life! Pass the bottle.

It's a real struggle to know what to do when they're in that frame of mind. I've got two of them that age, if they go off together .

At home I usually put the offender in their room (it has a stairgate) until they've calmed down but they've started grabbing at the stairs and kicking my legs so that's probably going to finish me off.

Out I leave if possible but I've yet to come up with a foolproof plan if I can't. I'm still cringing from a double whammy in the supermarket. I didn't get all the shopping, just paid for what I had but .

I have noticed DS roars more than DD......

Hi Amidaiwish,

Yeah I did take him out of the play group straight away, quite tricky tho when you have an 8 month old under your arm too! Still bed time now, for them, not me, ha ha.

when he is ranting don't even try and get through to him

he is upset and angry, and this is the way he can show it. It isn't ideal, and as he gets older he will learn better ways of letting everyone know he is angry/upset, so try not to let it upset you as well :)

When children are in that frame of mind it just is impossible to reason with them normally. He can't hear you, all he knows is something has happened and he is CROSS!

I would just for the time being watch him closely. If things start getting heated (ie, if you can see an argument with a friend starting, or if he is getting frsutrated with something) then step in immediately. Try to figure out what triggers the explosions and make sure you get there before they happen.
That way you can say "hey ds I can see you're getting angry..." and then distract him, try and calm him, suggest ways of making it work out

if he gets angry then you're right to take him away from the situation. But still don't worry too much about getting through to him. Tell him that you will talk to him when he is using a normal voice and that you can't hear him when he is sscreaming. and let him just work it through