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2 year old + baby = nightmare

12 replies

girlafraid · 29/03/2011 14:38

Please tell me this gets easier? When??

My poor active 2 year old watches CBeebies far too much as I'm scared to take them both out unless anyone is prepared to have us round and let 2 year old DS wreck their house and bully their kids

We spent time in the garden yesterday until I turned my back for 5 seconds to get my breast out for baby and DS then wound me up by pretending to eat plants
Every time I feed baby he needs a nappy change and has started chucking food around and just generally trying to get my attention
Baby gets fed and changed and that's it. Feel like neither of them are getting a good deal.

Families are all far away and I am the first of my friends to have a second child

Dear God, I feel like such a rubbish mum sometimes. As soon as DH got home last night I opened a bottle of pinot and downed 2 glasses Sad

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Tootingbec · 29/03/2011 14:56

Hi - how old is your baby? It DOES get easier once the baby hits 12 weeks or so and stops needing to feed all the bloody time. My DD was 18 months when my DS was born and we have got into a good routine now, despite some early chaos (they are now 2 years and 5 months).

Don't worry about feeling your are neglecting your new baby - honestly they will be fine! And if plonking your toddler in front of Cbeebies gets you through a feed then DO IT. Or you could try offering to read a story while feeding (bit awkward but we just about manage it).

To be honest, what helped me was to keep up with my toddlers routines and get the baby to fit around those i.e. if you go to a toddler group, go and use the opportunity to fit in a feed while your toddler is running around being occupied. I also take them both out in the double buggy every morning after my DS has napped - kills an hour or so with minimum stress as everyone is strapped down!!

Don't get me wrong, getting out of the house sometimes involves 10 minutes of both children yelling at the same time and it took me weeks to sort out a good supper/bath/bed routine that worked for both of them - but now we have it down to military precision and with minimum fuss (most of the time!)

Keep going and it WILL get better!

girlafraid · 29/03/2011 15:04

Thank You - baby is 8 weeks. She is very colicky and I carry her in a sling for much of the day to help that

DS was an easy baby but a bit of a night mare toddler - I'm a little scared to go to toddler groups as he has a habit of sprinting off and is bound to do that just as baby needs feeding. She seems to feed all day (DS was on a military like 4 hour schedule which was very easy) and as I'm not one of these women who can wander round feeding, I have to sit down or it just doesn't work

I think I'm just having a bad day and if I see Justin Fletcher again I think I'll scream!

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quickchat · 29/03/2011 19:16

I had around the same age gap and like the rest of the western world, relied heavily on childrens TV to get through this bit! Like you I felt so shit but needs must. It's all about surviving day by day in the early months and your DS won't remember this I promise.

DD had severe reflux so screamed, fed and needed carried constantly.

There are no words that properly describe this feeling. Relentless, soul destroying, to your knees, type wearing. Awful.

One tip - don't keep feeding her one feed on top of the other when she has colic, big mistake, vicious cirlce.

To quote my pediatrician, "babies need AT LEAST 2 hours from the start of one feed to the beginning of another in order for their immature digestion system to digest, other wise they will be prone to colic pain"

I used to just about manage at it first if DH was in, walking her up and down with the hairdryer on to calm her until it was 2 hours. Id try to get visitors to do it if they were about during the day as the smell of me drove her crazy. If nobody was about, the hairdryer or tumble dryer used to stretch it out a bit (white noise, try different appliances)!

This went on for a few weeks until she naturally got used to it, then it was 3 hours. The colic/screaming/feeding died down loads. I just had reflux to deal with after that Confused.

Just do what you have to do and I promise, your LO will be fine. He is just a baby too and he is acting up because his world has changed for now. Go to the groups and sod what everyone else is thinking.

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BooBooGlass · 29/03/2011 19:21

Getting used to two is no mean feat, and nor is the change your ds is going through. He's just testing boundaries, which I know doesn't make it easier but it does pass. The one thing that really helped me was a wrap sling. It meant I could carry my second with no effort, even feed him, and still get on with things with my first. Made gettign out and about with both of them much easier too

willowstar · 29/03/2011 20:05

hello

I only have one little girl so I can't help with how to deal with 2, but just thinking about the toddler group thing...I go to a couple on my days off and have become friendly with a bunch of other mums with children of similar ages (18 months). i find that we sort of watch out for each others children when they run off, start climbing on something dangerous etc...there are two people there who I don't know very well who have toddlers and tiny newborn babies and we all sort of try to help a bit if you know what I mean. So just to say you might find the same thing happening if you go.

Tootingbec · 29/03/2011 20:16

Just want to re-iterate what Willowstar said about toddler groups - I go to a Sure Start run one and the staff and other mums/carers there are really helpful when I go with both mine - especially when my DS was very little and I couldn't just leave him on a playmat for 30 seconds to rescue my DD.

If you have 2 small ones then you know what the other person is going through and if you only have 1 toddler, you will be thinking "Christ alive, how does she cope with a toddler AND and baby" - both will take pity on you!

Firawla · 29/03/2011 20:22

I would try to force yourself to get out of the house with them, really it makes things much much easier!
Once you get into the habit of doing it you won't be scared taking them out and it is much easier to keep both of them happy and busy outside the house ime, there is more things for them to focus on, distract themselves etc.
2 yr old may be bored at home thats when they start acting up more for attention and winding you up, if i stay at home for one or 2 days then my 2 year old will really start misbehaving and attention seeking a lot.

Go to toddler groups or children centre etc because its a safe environment, like the previous poster said other mums will help you out if necessary and you get to know others with 2 children which might be nice for you.
Also the park is an easy one to do with both of them cos you can just keep baby in buggy and push her round while your ds is playing and gets you out the house, gets some activity for your ds to burn off his energy

I think as soon as you start getting out the house with them that is when it is going to get easier, that's what I found.
I had about a week after dh went back to work from paternity leave that I didn't go out much with both of mine but ds1 drove me absolutely crazy so I thought 'no, I have had enough of this!' I started just to make a point of taking them out every day and just tagging ds2 along to ds1 normal kind of activities groups etc, after that I found things so much better.
It is so so worth the effort to just go for it and get out the house. Don't worry if it doesn't go well everytime, it's worth perservering with

But I wouldn't feel bad about a bit of cbeebies too, it's not the end of the world, hardly a big deal

LynetteScavo · 29/03/2011 20:25

CBeebies was invented for parents with 2 years olds and a baby. It is very educational and your 2 year old is learning a lot from it.

And just to add to the getting out of the house bit...it takes 20 mins per child, so for you that would be 40 mins. (Obviously) But if you can get to a decent toddler group of some sort it will be worth it in the long run.

You're house is supposed to be a tip at the end of the day when you have children this age. Fact.

It does get easier. (well lets face it, it couldn't get any fecking harder!)

greensnail · 29/03/2011 20:38

I agree with what everyone says about getting out of the house. Other people will help you when you need it and the more you do it, the easier it gets. I have 17 months between my two girls and poor old DD2 is always getting passed to other people while I rescue DD1 from whatever trouble she's got herself into. Even random strangers in the street or coffee shops are always happy to help.

Don't feel guilty about all the CBeebies though - it won't last for ever and won't do any harm to your DS (might send you a bit crazy though!)

camdancer · 30/03/2011 08:13

Another vote for getting out of the house - even if it is just to the park. When mine were that age, after dinner I'd just grab my phone and keys and walk out the house. Anywhere! DD was in a sling, DS walked and then when he got bored we turned around and walked home. I just couldn't be in the house anymore!

Don't worry about the baby getting ignored or about the house being a tip. Just get through the day as best you can.

Also, may I suggest CITV mini's for a change from CBeebies. Pocoyo is even watchable as an adult, Curious George keeps a toddler happy and The Cat in The Hat could be seen as educational. And the best thing is that Justin isn't anywhere near!

It does get better. It's easier at 6 months, and then easier again at 12 months. It is a long time to wait though.

Pigleychez · 30/03/2011 17:47

Another one agreeing about getting out the house.
Mine are 2.7 and 10mths and it does get easier the older they get. You get into more of a routine and the manic feeding settles down leaving you more time.

Just do what you need to get through the first few months.

DD2 has always just come along with us to all of DD1's activites, toddler groups etc. She was at toddler grop at 2 weeks old. I actually found it good for DD1 to continue these things as it was a bit of normality in this new changing world of hers.

DD1 also decided she wanted to potty train when DD2 was only a few days old which made things very tricky indeed! And would always need a wee when I sat down to feed DD2!

DD1 loves book so I ordered loads of new ones of Amazon and we looked at these 'Special' Books together at feed times.

nailak · 30/03/2011 17:53

i found that takin my dd2 to childrens centre ruularly improves her behaviour

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