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Original poster

Introducing new baby to toddler

7 replies

doireallywant3 · 29/03/2011 10:44

am due with dc2 in 6 weeks or so. dd1 will be about 21 mo when it's born. any tips on introducing new baby to dd1? thanks

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ladygogo · 29/03/2011 12:59

My DS 1 was 21 months when DS 2 arrived. DS 1 had stayed with grandparents the night DS2 was born and when they brought him home the next day we just laid the baby on the sofa and met DS1 as we always do when he's been with grandparents and then said 'look, a baby!' and introduced them to each other. DS1 immediately got his special bear and plonked him next to the baby (so sweet) and then just stared at him! DS1 is still very smitten with him 4 months on and as far as I can tell there has been no jealousy.

We spent quite a lot of time before the baby was born trying to increase DS1's independence so that he was used to being carried less and doing more for himself - it happened naturally as I got more pregnant! We also made sure that his routine didn't change when the baby arrived so that the transition from single child to sibling went unnoticed!

NickiAndAlex · 29/03/2011 13:19

My DD1 is 22 months and DD2 is 1 week old. I made sure that DD1 knew about the baby beforehand, I got the books "Waiting for baby" and "My new baby" for her to help explain too. She loved the books but I don't know how much she really understood.

For the actual introduction, DD1 came to visit us in hospital (I had to stay in a night), and I just made sure that I wasn't holding the baby when she came in, so I could give her a cuddle first. DH introduced the baby to her.

I have also done my best to make sure that DD1 has gone to all her groups (with grandma or daddy) as much as possible, so her routine is as unchanged as possible.

Overall, she's taken it in her stride so far, she doesn't pay much attention to the baby, except every now and again to go up to her, point at her face and say, "Got eyes", "got nose", which is rather cute.

I hope this helps.

camdancer · 29/03/2011 13:37

Don't be holding the baby when you introduce them to each other. My Mum was holding DD when DS came up to see her.

Have a present ready that the baby can "give" to the toddler.
You will have been away from your toddler for at least a little while to give birth, so make sure you say hello and cuddle the toddler first rather than make it all about meeting the baby.

Don't assume that the toddler will automatically love and adore the baby.
Don't assume they want to help all the time. They may want to, but they also may just want to play with their toys!

A really useful thing I did before DD was born was to make a little folder with all the things DS did in it. Sort of a handbook to DS's life. It included what he did each day, so that DH or others could carry on with them if they wanted. But the best thing I did was a map where I marked on all the playgrounds, toddler groups, shops and other useful information on. That way I didn't have to explain things every time anyone wanted to go out of the house.

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Original poster

doireallywant3 · 29/03/2011 14:20

brilliant advice, thank you so much. am v keen to keep her routine as much as possible.. she is in nursery full time at the moment so will stick to that. was going to get DH to take her to nursery for the first few weeks but am now thinking it will be good if I do the odd day of drop off/pick up on my own with her.
I've been told a few times about not holding the baby if/when she comes to hospital and will definitely follow that advice.
thanks all

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ilovedjasondonovan · 29/03/2011 14:34

DD1 was 22 months when DD2 turned up.
She was born at home overnight whilst DD1 was alseep upstairs.
We had planned a hospital birth, but DD2 was a quick surprise.
So when DD1 came into our bedroom at 6am the next morning she found a baby in it.
We introduced them and then ignored DD2 as much as possible. DD2'gave' a small pressie to DD1 as a welcoming gift.
Never had any jealousy, and they are now nearly 5 and nearly 3.

ilovedjasondonovan · 29/03/2011 14:36

Oh,just to add DD2 was 'ignored' for the best part of 4 months!!
Now she's 2 and DD1 is at schoolshe gets all my attention instead.

camdancer · 29/03/2011 19:03

I second ignoring the baby as much as possible for a while.

Also, try not to be holding the baby when you pick your DD up from nursery. Either leave her in a pram or in a carseat. Obviously bring her in from the car though. Before I had DD, I saw one mum not be able to cuddle her older one when she picked him up because she was holding the baby. (Maybe she thought he would squash the baby or something ) I just thought that was very sad for the older one. So when I collected DS, I tried really hard to make it all about him. DD just sat in her pram waiting.

Now at 4 and 2, DS runs to DD to give her a hug when he's finished at preschool. I don't get a look in!

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