How much telly/computer is too much?

[feministmama]

I have two boys, 6yr old and 4yr old, both at school, and I feel like all I do when they're at home is stop their fun. "only 5 minutes more on the computer!" "No you can't watch telly just now" "Why don't you go out and play instead?". I would like not to be telling them what they can and can't do all the time, but if I didn't restrict their time staring at a screen, I think that's all they would do.

What do others do? Have a set amount of time per day? Does anyone restrict screen-time to the weekend? Is it good for them to be permanently surfing cbeebies websites? Wouldn't they be having more fun if they played more together instead of sitting in front of the computer?

All suggestions/thoughts about how much is too much are welcome, no matter how extreme your views.

Watching with interest. Am in same boat, only 7 and 5 year old.

Well, mine can play together nicely on the computer, and can interact beautifully playing some games. They certainly get to improve their reading playing lego universe (pc) and animal crossing (wii) so it's not all bad. BUT .... (that's a big but) they do not get unlimited access. Wii is for the weekend only.

A time limit is enforced as are breaks. The time limit depends on the weather, how awake we are feeling, how much we are enjoying reading the paper in peace and so on . I give a five/ten minute warning, then a minute warning, then threaten the Finger of Doom if the game is not ended. The Finger of Doom turns off the wii (or pc, DSi, TV) and progress is not saved. It is their call whether or not to save in time.

During the week things are far more regulated. My boys have always got up very early, so we did allow TV in the morning so we could nap on the sofa instead of being made to assist with craft projects at 5.30am. Now they are 7 and nearly 5 we just stay in bed until seven.

We also plan out the weekend so they know what they are doing, and we make sure they do enough physical exercise and "proper" play. I wish my DS1 was not so screen obsessed but I was very ill for a number of years and the TV and pc were a lot cheaper than nannies.

If my children kept more sensible hours there would be a lot less TV here!

I have 8 yo twin boys who would spend all day on screens if they got the chance. Our rules are no screens before school on weekdays, then they can have screen time AFTER homework is done after school (they get homework Mon to Thurs) then they can have 30 mins each playstation or computer. Not always strictly regulated and the do tend to watch or play with each other so sometimes it is 1 hour. Then they can have telly with dd who is 3 but it tends to be her cbeebies stuff and I don't really mind that :).

Weekends are a bit more difficult as they start before we are awake and then it's just a question of keeping them occupied with other things like swimming, playing in the garden, etc... and telling them to stop if it seems like their eyes are going square.

I always think if we are out and about after school one day until teatime, then I don't care if mine veg all evening in front of the tv or computer the next day. So I don't do daily time rules, I look at it more over the whole week. All evening every evening is too much.... And yeah at weekends we try to punctuate it all by going out somewhere, or by watching a movie all together instead of constant inane brightly coloured drivel or flipping American teenagers on the Disney channel which is what we would have if dd1 got her way.

Also I often have work open on the computer so shriek in horror when anyone goes near it which tends to put them off

this is all very familiar. We don't let ours on telly/computer before school, and as you say, some evenings we have after-school activities. At the weekend we do exactly the same and they play first thing, then as and when we feel like it we drag them out of the house to do something else. We have a slightly crazy rule that they can't play on the Wii during the week (when they do get to play on the Wii it's wall-to-wall Mariokart), but we still let them play on the laptop - Lego loco, Cbeebies websites. They used to play Chessmaster, and when they did that I found it really difficult to stop them - conversation in my head - "it's bad for their eyes.... but they're learning chess!!"

I think back to my own childhood and I watched telly or played on the computer fairly permanently in my free time, unless I chose to go outside or do something else - I don't ever remember being told to stop or do something else (unless someone else needed the computer or we were going out). Has it done me any harm....? No idea. Not that I'm aware of - I used to watch a lot of telly in my 20s but hardly ever do these days. I do lose most of my evenings to mumsnet and facebook though....

What are we trying to achieve? I know too much telly is a bit brain-sapping, but if they're playing educational computer programmes, is there any point limiting the time? Surely they'll stop by themselves if their eyes are hurting.

I don't think it's too much of an issue with the games. I think watching endless shit TV is more of a problem because it's brainless, but then I like the idea of them having one or two programmes that they particularly like and settling down to watch them during rare periods of downtime - little routines like that are nice. I honestly think if you are out and about a lot as well then it doesn't matter. It's all about balance isn't it?

I also have a strong compulsive gaming streak that I can't control when I'm asked if we can just play a leeeettle bit of LBP, MArioKart, etc. I know dd2 can't control it properly (she's 3) so will give me her controller at some stage for the harder bits and just watch. Dd1 will then crawl out of her hormonal pit and join in, dd2 cheerleads while we obsessively try to score 100% on everything and we forget to put her in the bath that I ran half an hour ago...

Perhaps I'm not the best person to comment on this!!!

hi - I decided my DS1 - 5 was doing too much screen time - TV/computer combinded and - for a week took it down to 2 hours a day - a bit more at weekends - I have relaxed it now - but I think he stopped taking it for granted - he will do other stuff now - where we were getting to the point where he would do nothing else - I think you should have breaks from computer at least, and its all about balance - he enjoys doing other stuff - like drawing, playing outside, with his baby brother etc - it just seems like the screen is the default and if he only did that in his free time it would be a real shame. I am not one to talk as we either didn't have a TV for much of my childhood or I was banned from ITV!