Steve Biddulph - Girls in Child Care

[Sinople]

Can anyone remember at what age Steve Biddulph (author- Raising babies, Raising Boys) recommends putting girls into childcare and for how many hours a week????

IIRC Mr Biddulph doesn't advocate putting any child into childcare until they are 3.

Lucky for those that can wait I guess. He doesn't seem to cover that in his sanctimonious preaching advice.

Oh, thought it was different for girls and boys; girls being ??ready earlier. Didnt he mention that if you 'had to' then... x hours/days at 18months...
maybe not

I thought the age 3 is about boys in particular. He just says they are less resilient than girls and less able to cope from memory. Actually isn't child care per se he criticises - it's the institutional nursery/daycare setting he dislikes. Ideally mum, but a single trusted babysitter/nanny/relative (eg childminder) if not possible.

I can't remember, but it's probably never. I spoke to him once and he was so rude, it made me want to completely do the opposite of anything he ever advocated. I really dislike these self-proclaimed gurus. How big does your ego have to be to spend a lifetime telling people how to parent their own children? OOhhh, but ranty, sorry - but he gets my goat.

bit ranty even.

I agree that SB has ishoos

OP IMO babies seem to cope better in a smaller home based setting (SAHP/CM) but it all depends on circs

If you feel she can go to nursery then send her ignore 'experts' who talk outta their arses

HTH

Like most 'experts' SB looks at the issues relating to the average kid in isolation from other factors. Of course childcare settings also vary enormously.

You know your own dc, your own circumstances and the settings that are on offer. Have confidence in your own judgement.

If anyone had the choice to do either (child care or stay at home with mum/dad).... would anyone pick c care??

After a year.. I think some child care is great. Possibly not a very popular opinion on MN though.

Wasn't he looking at US daycare where the staff ratios required are much lower than the UK? And only considering full days, 5 days a week?

The only bit of childcare advice I think is actually applicable to all children is 'all babies/children are different'. Ds goes to a small friendly nursery (30 kids, 3 rooms, almost all kids are part-time to soe extent) and from first settling at 11 months has always gone in happily and now at 2.6 it's hard to get him to leave and he chatters about it.

So sinople - yes, even if I didn't work I'd try to keep him going to nursery a couple days a week so he could have that range of experiences and I can be a better parent after a break. Other children and parents may vary. :)

I dont listen to these daft books anymore. I think I just did it with 1st DC then quickly realised instinct is the way forward.

In saying that, I know 3 different people, ie a friend, a friend's mum and my sister in law who all worked in completely different nurseries. Size, location even country all varied.

They all said the same thing about babies. The baby room was the least favourite place to work. Nobody wants to do it as the ratio was never as they promised the parents.

Babies would just lie/sit all day screaming and it was heart breaking to see.

Not enough staff to deal with the one to one care a baby needs. They were lucky to get a few minutes cuddles each throughout the day.

They ALL said they would never want their kid/grandchild in a nursery under 2 if at all.

Not kidding all of them told the exact same story and none of them know each other.

That was enough to put me off. I went back to work briefly and left 1st DC with a childminder which didin't work out so I packed in work (I was lucky I could). I'd have tried harder to get a better childminder if I couldn't have packed in though.

The nursery I worked in certainly didn't practice like that. The babies were all cuddled, had lots of interaction and stimulation and were very well looked after. This was in a sizable nursery too.

Ds's nursery isn't like that - at least two baby room staff at any time would be sitting with two babies in their laps! And possibly another couple crawling on them.
However the nursery I saw that didn't allow visitors except once a month, I wouldn't like to bet on.

I have worked in nursery for a few years before having the dcs and the baby room was lovely, (big nursery too) used to go up there for a break when preg, from the busy pre-school part. I did feel the babies did spend quite a bit of time in swings/ playmats while the staff sometimes had to get bottles etc but in a way that would be also happening at home! They used to seem to love being carried about looking out the window. My ds has just started at 2 in a nursery two mornings and it seems to have boosted his confidence when out and about eg at other toddler things he seems less clingy (but cuddly too)

Hope that helps

We've had a couple of one hour orientation visits. I stayed in the room, and tried to let DD do her own thing. DD (15months) seemed fairly content and got on with playing with all the new fun things (she knew I was still there)...

I however felt very uneasy about the whole thing. The age range in the room was 6 - 18months (althou some were older)... children were left crying in their cots when they woke, any length of time of crying is too long in my opinion. The other kids just seemed to wonder (those who were mobile) aimlessly. This centre, which I thought was one of the better ones, had given me a list of activties that were on offer... maybe these activities do occur during the week but Id say the majority of the time the kids just looked understimulated and bored.

One of the older children walked around for the hour I was there, repeatedily saying good morning. There was no one engaging with him so he just kept doing the and saying the same thing. Im sure his mum would have had a little chat with him and made him feel worthy of a response and respected.

The deputy room leader was talking to the kids i.e. "yes, thats a grey elephant", but lacked enthusiasm and any sort of zext for child caring.

The six month old, was lying on the ground, occasionally picked up... but the difference b/w a mother/loving family member picking a baby up compared with a child care worker is striking. Again, I felt very sad for that baby.

I really did feel sorry for the kids.

Im assuming that there are a lot better child care environments out there, but ive come away with an even firmer opinion that child care under two is so far from ideal that I just wouldnt go there. Ever!

It's a false substitute environment, that maybe in emergency circumstances would be fine to ensure your child was safe... observing (in one of the recommended , ? better centres) really brought it home to me what a wonderful experience my daughter is having at home and out and about with her mummy.

What the answer for those mums and dads who have no choice but to send their under twos (or there abouts) to these places is, Im not sure. Im not going to say that I think that these places are acceptible just because there are some unfortunate people out there without the choice... 2 hours and I firmly believe there is a world of difference b/w family and day care.