Suggestions needed for newborn routine

[Snarfle]

My DS is almost five weeks old and I want to start thinking about routines for him. At the moment he sleeps in our bed and has started to cry to be picked up through the day. I know newborns don't know how to fall asleep on their own and so need cuddling / rocking to sleep etc... I was hoping somebody could suggest ideas / routines to help me a) get him sleeping on his own (whilst still in our room) b) able to fall asleep without being picked up.

At the moment we feed him on demand (usually five times a day every 4-5 hours) and then have play time (usually about half hour or longer) and then nap time. He's not good at just sitting awake on his own i.e in his pram.

Does this sound right? What can you suggest?
Thanks

That all sounds perfectly right. I don't really know what you want to change - I mean 5 weeks old is really little for them to be happy being awake on their own.

That sounds perfectly fine to me and ime if you just keep going as you are, you will probably notice a pattern starting to emerge and you'll soon find he has got himself into a routine.

I found it easier to do this, then start tweaking it slightly to fit in better around my life if you see what I mean?

Also have you got a sling?

I know you've probably already heard it, but he is only 5weeks old. He doesn't know where or what he is yet and will of course want to be next to his mummy at all times. This is where the sling comes in handy. A good stretchy sling is good for this age.

Give it a few weeks and he will start becoming more aware of his surroundings and will probably then be able to settle down on a play mat/blanket etc and have a kick around on his own for a while.

Good luck and congratulations.

Ummm - just go with the flow...
The routine will find itself eventually.
But not right now.
Others will disagree with me.
Congrats btw.

'He's not good at just sitting awake on his own i.e in his pram.'

No, that's because he's a 5 week old baby, not a doll.

He needs you to respond to his needs as and when threy occur, not to plan out a schedule for him.

FGorget it-the rest of his life will be schedules.
Enjoy suspending it for a year or so.

Have you tried swaddling or a sling? Will let him feel secure and less likely to be startled but can still let you get a few minutes to do things.

First 'routine' I always tackled was bedtime. Bath, feed bed! Then subsequent feeds are treated differently to day feeds. Stay in bedroom, low or no lighting, no talking, nappy change only if needed and settle back down as quickly as possible.

Swaddling was def the way I got mine sleeping on their own. They feel the warnth of your body, arms and legs won't jerk and startle them awake and easy to put down and not wake up if they've nodded off in your arms.

TBH, I don't think that you need to worry about routine so much just yet. Feeding can still be quite erratic at this stage, although it sounds like he's doing quite well if he's going every 4-5 hours between feeds.

Re getting him to sleep without being held, my DD2 is the same age (4.4 weeks) and sometimes patting her tummy while she's in the Moses basket helps to settle her but like your DS she does like a cuddle to sleep!

Thanks - I know 5 weeks is young but I am afraid that by letting him sleep in our bed and by picking him up every time he cries to be picked up that I am 'making a rod for my own back'. I am frightened that he won't ever want to sleep in his basket and will be in our bed forever! Also frightened that he will learn that crying will always get him picked up.

Re routines - is it better to do eat then play or the other way around?

Thanks for your advice.

By the way I agree to a certain extent to just go with the flow. My youngest of three is 7 months now and we still go with the flow. She eats when she's hungry, sleeps when she's tired and we go out when we feel like it! However helping him to learn the difference between day and night as early as possible is a good thing. You are still seeing to his needs on his schedule but doesn't mean you have to be wide awake and swinging from the curtains at 2am.

I'd grab a notebook & write down exactly when he drinks & sleeps, how long for, where/how. When you have a week's 'data' you might see he already has a routine. It might be as simple as only ever being awake for 90 minutes at a time. So, then after 80 mins you put the kettle on, grab a biscuit & start rocking the Moses basket

But then I wanted more predictability for me than routine for baby.

You are not "making a rod for your own back" (God I hate that phrase) You are just meeting your child's needs.

If you do really feel like you need a routine then start with bedtime. Choose a time that you are happy for him to go to bed, then an hour before, give him a bath, dry, massage, feed, cuddle, bed. Don't worry about rocking him to sleep, I still rock my 6month old to sleep. It's just quicker and easier. Lol.

Once you have a bedtime routine in place, the daytime routine should fall into place naturally.

One thing I learned when my ds1 was tiny is that he got tired around one and half hours after he last woke, like pork says, so 10minutes before I would take him into the bedroom, feed him and put him down asleep.

Sorry I meant to add that routines aren't all that great by the way.

Ds1 was in a routine (above post) and now at 23months is a sodding nightmare. He sleeps through the night for 12/13 hrs and naps for 2 hours after lunch which is great but he will not sleep anywhere that isn't his room, or his cot. This makes holidays/staying at grandparents etc very hard.

Ds2 is 6months, he has a wash/pj's/feed and bed routine but apart from that he is fed when he wants, sleeps when he wants, plays when he wants (within reason of course). And he is much more portable. I can take him anywhere and he'll just fall asleep anywhere. Far easier.

Thanks for the advice.
A lot of people have suggested swaddling but the midwife said that swaddling was not advised for safety reasons so I don't know what to do.

How do I make the transition from our bed to his own basket? We bought a moses basket but the midwife suggested his pram top as it is a more snug fit for him. Any advice?

Hi snarfle, I just bought The Baby Whisperer and plan to introduce the routine with my 6 week DD. It's a lot more flexible and baby-friendly than evil Gina, and I agree with what I've read so far, but not tried it yet. Some info on babywhisperer.com

As for helping him sleep, HV recommended a dummy and it really helps. We swaddled her in the early weeks but use a grobag now.

You are not making a rod for your back, honestly. Routines are what can be the restriction - babies that will only sleep at certain times in certain places and get hysterical if a meal is 15 minutes later than normal.

Just relax, and enjoy your baby :)

It's my personal opinion that a baby should learn that they will be picked up if they cry. It is their only means of communication for several months until they get the hang of smiling, good eye-contact etc - and the most effective one they have until they start to talk. Why wouldn't you want to respond to that?

You could try putting a small rolled towel either side of his body in the moses basket (not up near his head) which might make him feel less 'lost' in the basket.

Hiya I have 3 under 4 so its all about routine here. I would wait til around 10 weeks tho to start gently easing him into a routine. DD1 (6months now) started to show her own little pattern at 6 weeks. I just worked with her own rhythm and tweaked it. Cuddle and molly coddle for a while yet and when you see him have a bit of a pattern (and get thru the next growth spurt!) and settle down a bit work with that - it will be easier. As the others have said start with night time. I would suggest taking your time on any changes you make when they are this young. Move him into his own basket when he is asleep, then hold him til he is nearly asleep and put him down, then put him down and pat him till he sleeps etc. IME its less of a wrench for both of you!
I was also told this time round that swaddling is not the thing these days as the it inhibits the moro reflex (had an issue with DD1 so we had to adhere to this) try a half swaddle - just be sure his arms are free the rest of him can be quite cosy!
Finally we stick to routine like mad here mon to fri then let it all go to pot at the weekends when we want to go do things have time out all together etc. That way they stay a bit flexible and you dont end up with children that get anxious when thing dont happen exactly as they should.
Congratulation on your lo

I've never heard of swaddling being unsafe- that's how the midwives wrap them up in hospitals. You do have to be careful about overheating though especially now we are entering warmer months. A babygro is fine for now, but you can just go with a vest and nappy or just nappy; and a cotton sheet to wrap in. Leave his head uncovered (this is how they lose excess heat) and a window open for fresh circulating air.

I also had DD's basket right up against my matteress and faced her so she could still see me and also hear my breathing. Also meant i could just pop my arm in if she needed reassuring or to find her dummy.

I've read that you shouldn't swaddle after a baby is a month old because after that it interferes with mobility development.

Thanks. Do you think a moses basket or a crib works best for the transition from our bed to their own? Which is the best for putting right up against my bed? Are the three sided cribs any good?

I had a moses basket and this was the perfect height. I also needed to be able to take it downstairs easily. Just choose whichever you think will work best for your situation. Also meant DH could have her round his side once occasionally to let me have some sleep.

Hi. We've got a 4 week old and have begun with a feed, then bath, then bed routine around 6/7pm (dictated by when he's hungry), and it's the only time of the day when he goes straight to sleep and won't need another feed for (mostly) four hours.

If he's a bit unsettled in his basket at other times (but not uncomfortable from wind / nappy etc...) as he's nodding off we leave him for a little bit, then 'shush' for a while and he almost always settles himself within a couple of minutes. You can really tell the difference in the cries that need attention, and those that just indicate he's overtired, which I feel for our LO are best addressed by encouraging him to sleep.

If his cries are distressed I pick him up immediately and soothe him until he's calm, then put him back just before he's nodding off. It's not perfect (especially when he has wind), but seems to suit us both.

Oh, and I've found that keeping a note of when he eats and what kind of sleep (settled / unsettled / suffering badly from wind) he gets has been really helpful in understanding what he might need at different points in the day, though it is quite early for anything to be set in stone.

Good luck.

Thanks,
Oneof4 - when you put him to bed do you do this in the same room you are in watching tv etc or a different room? When do you have play time? At the minute my ds is very awake after a feed and so likes his bouncer / play mat for a while then starts to cry ( I think) because he is tired. We then give him a cuddle and he goes to sleep - only until we put him down as he then wakes up!

We don't play with him after his 9.30pm feed or his 2.30am feed so maybe we need to not play with him after his tea time feed as well? The only problem with this is that he usually feeds around 5.30pm and I think this is too early for bed?

He settles best upstairs with the curtains closed and no noise. I tend to mostly have him sleeping downstairs with me in his basket during the day and upstairs from evening onwards, in the hopes that this will help him begin to distinguish night from day!

I play with him after his daytime feeds, though he gets tired pretty quickly because he's so little. Once he starts yawning I head towards the basket, but also make soothing noises in that place until he really starts to relax, then put him down just before he nods off. He squirms a bit, but usually settles fairly well.

Our problem is wind in his belly about 1.5 hours after feeding, which wakes him up and causes him real misery (and no sleep) between feeds...

i tried swaddling with tailor made swaddling blankets and i can understand why MW said it was unsafe, my DS wriggled free and had the lengths of blanket wrapped all round him, lucky he wasn't strangled. We switched to a woombie. They are great and with summer coming they are idea as you can put your DC in the woombie and a nappy and nothing else on hotter nights.
www.thewoombie.com/
To ease the transition from bed to crib/cot/basket try getting a frame that rocks - you can get a frame that will take most baskets as they are adjustable - like this www.amazon.co.uk/Woodform-Rocking-Moses-Basket-Stand/dp/B001CMEJK2
These are the perfect height for most beds and the rocking motion means you don't have to continuously hold your baby to get them to go top sleep.
If you are breast feeding try and put your DC on the side of the room next to your partner rather than you. Get your partner to pass your DC to you when they need feeding, then you do the feed and they do the rocking baby back to sleep. Sharing the load makes DP feel involved. Plus if the rocking doesn't work DP can get up and walk DC round the room and DC doesn't smell milk and expect a feed. My DS always went back to sleep faster with my DH than with me as i was the food giver.
During the day i read this brilliant article which suggested that you don't need a rigid routine, but just repeat the cycle of eat, sleep, play. As your child gets older the periods of sleep and play will get longer and they will establish their own routine. We did this and it worked perfectly for our rather unstructured lives.

Famous last words on the 'he always goes straight off after the feed/bath/bed routine' - I think we're on for a long night...