SAHM needs perspective please

[naturelover]

I'm a SAHM to 2 young DCs, DH works long hours + regular travel. Not financially viable for me to work.

I keep asking for "time off" at the weekends, ie an afternoon once a month, to go for a browse around the shops, see a friend, that kind of thing. Am no longer breastfeeding so it's actually feasible. DH always points out that he doesn't get any time off either, he's either working long hours (and says he feels guilty - ie I make him feel guilty - about the long hours) or he's at home (and when he's here he is a great dad, v involved).

He's just been on a work trip for 6 days, I'm bloody exhausted, asked for a couple of hours off to go shopping, and it ended in the usual row about him not having time off either. There is no one who can take the kids to give us both a break.

I crave a couple of child-free hours when I'm not constantly thinking of the kids (nappies, naps, meals, snacks, bedtime...). I feel that some regular breaks would really enhance my enjoyment of the children. As it is, I regularly lose my temper by bedtime (which I usually do solo 5 days a week but which I have done the last 12 days in a row).

WWYD?

You do need child free time otherwise your identity just disappears.

Can you invite friends over in the week when your dc are in bed to at least have a natter?

I agree with calling it child free time. I think a big problem that mothers have and fathers generally do not is switching off from the childrens' needs. I am not a sahm, but do all the wweekday child and domestic stuff in addition to my 3d work as dh is out 6am till 9pm most days and away at least 1 night per week. If I and the children are in the house, my brain is on child duty and sometimes I need to escape that. Dh obv needs time to himself too, so generally I do sat and sun mornings, giving him a lie in and then go out sun evening. I have also taken up running to try and deal with the stress/ exhaustion....
It sounds like your dp is an involved dad, but poss just doesn't realise how mentally physically and emotionally wearing nonstop parenting is! I think my dh got a huge shock when i went away for work for 2 nights, even tho' i left a freezer full of labelled meals, clothes in day by day piles and everything sorted (and the children in wrap around childcare)
Take it easy on yourself!

I feel your pain, Id love a lie in, but my DP is full opf good intentions but is not a morning person, so I'm always awake first and dealing with things. I can never go back to bed as then I just can't sleep.
My tip is to find a babysitter to come in the day time. I have a 14 year old babysitter who watches cbeebies and plays games with my 18 month old so I can have a luxury bath or a cook a more complicated evening meal. Im still in the house (so there if Im needed) but find Ive had some 'me' time. She charges £4 an hour and I really look forward to it. Try an ad in your postoffice/shop. Best wishes

Thanks for all your support.
DH has never looked after both kids together for longer than 3 hours. Will probably get a fright when I go away for 3 nights/2 days in June!
I think we need to have a big chat about some scheduled "child-free" time for each of us. And although we keep talking about getting a babysitter and actually going out together once a month, the reality is it happened three times in 2010. We are both so busy. His insane hours and commute obviously mean that I pick up 95% of the domestic load Mon-Fri.
I would like to work - perhaps a Saturday job - but DH says not efficient way to increase income. Suggests I freelance instead but of course that means it eats into my evenings/weekends as paying for childcare not feasible with freelance work being so sporadic. I like the idea of a job not just for the money but also to have an identity away from the children. I suspect if I was upstairs doing freelance I would still subconsciously be anticipating mealtimes, naps, snacks etc for the DCs.
I really crave a job for the chance to use my brain as well as gaining some "status". I feel at home I've become a drudge, lost my confidence to be anything else, and am really getting resentful.
Really appreciate the chance to sound out my frustrations.
Thanks