We have a 3.1 ds1, and 5 mo twins. dp is normally the sahm (she works pt, I work ft) but since maternity leave we are together a lot of the time. since the twins were born, she has taken on nearly all of the looking after of ds. this was fantastic as it allowed me to get bf established, look after two babies etc. but now I think ds1 and I need to reconnect - I've become a lodger who does fun stuff like baking with him, but not the day to day care. he refuses to kiss or cuddle me goodbye/goodnight now.
yesterday I suggested to dp that I could do the first part of the morning with ds1 (literally, just get up and go to the toilet), as the babies are normally both in a good mood then, so possible to be left for a while.
today I started, but when dp came downstairs she just took over.
then after breakfast, I went to feed the babies to sleep for their first nap (the don't nap well). I was still holding them when a row erupted next door in ds's room, as he wouldn't put his socks on and then said he didn't want to go to the shops with dp. she stormed out, leaving him crying. I couldn't let him sit on his own like that, so tried to put the babies down (one woke right away, one a few minutes later) and went to him. he accepted a cuddle from me, but said he wanted a kiss and a cuddle from dp (obviously, she was who he'd fallen out with). she did come back in the house, and he stopped crying then, agreed to go with her, but started crying again on the way out. she still hadn't cuddled him, I think, and when he asked then she said "not until you get outside and stop crying".
I feel so :( for ds1: that he couldn't get a cuddle from the person he needed it from when he did; that he no longer feels he can depend on me.
I am also 
with dp because now we will have a crap day with two grumpy babies.
we parent very differently, which hasn't been a problem before. we're both stressed since the babies arrived, dp especially, and not communicating well. I feel like our family is falling apart. something needs to change to rebuild a relationship with ds1, and dp, and still look after these babies. what? how?