At my wits end - DS2 4mths doesn't sleep at night

[Pops73]

I don't know if anyone can help, but I'm at my wits end with exhaustion. I have two lovely sons, one is 2.2yrs and the other is 4mths. My eldest slept through the night from about 6 weeks and his brother seemed to be following in his footsteps, until a cough at 2.5mths led to him waking every 90 mins or so at night for a comfort feed. Unfortunately this has continued even now the cough has been gone for some weeks now. He is breastfed, with an expressed bottle at about 8pm, after which he goes to sleep in his cot. He then usually sleeps for at least 3hrs, occasionally until 1 or 2am. But then it all goes to pot and he wakes up every hour or so until his brother gets us all up at about 6am.

Co-sleeping isn't really an option as my partner is completely oblivious to everything once asleep and our toddler also appears in our bed during the early morning, so it's not safe for the baby. He doesn't seem to be hungry when he wakes up, as he generally only feeds for 5 mins before dozing off. We've tried resettling him and also just leaving him to self settle, but this just results in him getting angry and screaming for up to an hour until I give up and put him back on the boob.

He naps fine during the day, settling himself to sleep in his Moses basket. He feeds well and is a lovely, lively, cheerful baby interested in the world around him.

We can't carry on like this, it's destroying me and my partner and it's not fair on our toddler who gets stuck with an exhausted, snappy mum, though I do my damndest to keep bright and cheery for him. I'd really rather avoid introducing formula milk, but am willing to do almost anything at this point.
Does anyone have any ideas or advice? Please...

Sorry to hear about your struggle - I can't imagine how hard it must be with a toddler in the house as well! All I can say is my DC slept through from around 12 weeks until 6 months, when she also got ill and started waking every couple of hours. It took her a good few weeks even after she was better to go back to sleeping through, and did involve a couple of nights of letting her cry it out. Though I must admit she only cried when we first put her down in the evening, and only for half an hour. Sorry I can't offer any more advice, I'm sure others will come along with better suggestions, but just wanted to say there is hope!!

Sorry no advice, just sympathy and to say it does sound quite normal. Sounds like you were very lucky with your ds1 - mine is 2.9 and still has never slept through the night! He now wakes 2 or 3 times on a good night. I also thought I was going to completely crack up at times but I think my body just adjusted to being sleep deprived. Giving up bfing didn't help, nor did bottles of formula or introducing solids, all the things people say will work. Have tried co-sleeping and not co-sleeping, no difference in terms of waking, the only thing that has helped our sleep deprivation is taking turns to sleep with him so that the other one gets a night of sleep. We are now expecting no.2 in a couple of months and I'm already panicking about the level of sleep deprivation involved with two waking. Sorry not to have any solutions.

Pops tbh I would be expecting a baby of 4 months to still be waking through the night

Can you go to bed when the baby does, to get a stretch of sleep in before the post-midnight marathon?

I am a bit about your partner sleeping through, do you not kick him awake ? Settling without the baby smelling your milk and wanting boob might be easier if he does it

BUT

I think he needs the comfort and security of being able to feed at night being so young

Rethink co-sleeping? Could you direct the toddler to your partners side when they trot in early?

It is a phase, and will pass, but it's exhausting and you have my sympathy

I've just bought the no cry sleep solution from amazon. Day 1 and I've just got DD off to sleep without comfort sucking.....perhaps you could try it?

would you consider trying a dummy?

both my dcs drove me to distraction with sleep deprivation- both times i gave in to my mums relentless advice 'put them on their tummies, they sleep much better...' and they really did.

Sympathies. DD1 didn't sleep through till 19mo so I had much lower expectations second time round. DD2 is 6mo and is proving just as rubbish. She is in bed now and due to wake any minute... (should get my PJs on!).

DH and I sleep separately, which makes it easier for DD2 and I to co-sleep. (We have a bedside cot as well.) Is sleeping separately from DH something you could accommodate and if so would you consider it? Then you could train your toddler to go to Dad in the mornings? It would be the 6am start which would kill me as I'm not a morning person, so just thinking what might help me in your situation. Sorry if this doesn't sound good to you.

Has DS2 always woken every hour? I remember DD2 had a phase of v v frequent wakings at a similar stage, but then it eased off a bit. Most things are just a phase. Is there anything you can do to make things easier on you in the day?

Also why is it destroying your partner? Sounds like he's getting a good night's sleep!!!!!

I've had a similar thing recently with my little girl (4 months). She had been sleeping really well, and then started waking several times in the night. Like you, I really didn't want to introduce formula, but I reached my wits end, after weeks and weeks of interrupted sleep. I was really run down with constant colds, sore throats etc. The night before last I have her a formula top-up at 11pm, and she guzzled 7oz! And then...she slept till 8am. The same last night. Fingers crossed for tonight. I know it doesn't always work, and people have very different views, but in my experience, she was just so hungry.
I beat myself up about giving her formula, but she's been much happier in the days as well, presumably because she's not knackered from getting up several times in the night!

Monkeymiss can I ask, what did you do to help dd1 sleep through at19 months or did it just happen eventually?

Sleep deprevation is a killer isnt it, but that sounds totally normal to me, my DS never slept, as in he has JUST started sleeping through the night now he is 3.5, but not before midnight and up by 6. And that is great, unfortunatly DD who is only 14 months younger is still waking every few hours, so no sleep yet, will be 4 years i recon from DS birth to DD sleeping through that i get a full night sleep

Up now with DD, DS dropped an hour ago, so around 15 minutes sleep so far tonight

zzzzzzzz

@isthismadness (sorry if this is hijack of OP's thread)

Well, DD1 was waking routinely twice a night and I was bfing her back to sleep, which took about 10 mins in all, and didn't really bother me, and so I didn't take any action to change the situation. We went on holiday when she was about 18 months and at was this point I was still bfing her when she was first put down, but somehow that habit was broken on holiday. I think it stemmed from there as the habit of feeding to sleep was broken, and she started sleeping through soon after return from holiday, and has been a good sleeper since.

I didn't realise until I got a full night's sleep how much I had missed it! (I quickly forgot how bad it was as we promptly then conceived DD" ;))

Wishing good sleep to one and all.

Do you have a spare bed? Could you co-share on your own with baby a few nights a week, to get some sleep?