new baby/toddler nightmare

[megglewell]

New DS is 12 days old, DD is 2 and 8 months. She's always been strong-willed but also lovely. Now she's openly defiant, everything's a drama, she's menacing towards her baby brother or overly affectionate. We are rowing all the time, I'm having trouble rising above and being the adult, she's making me so cross! DH goes back to work on mon - I'm frightened! I know she's only 2 and I need to be patient and show her lots of love but she's making it so difficult..where can I get some patience from?!

This is really hard. I have 18 months between my two boys.

Could you spend a few hours maybe this weekend only with your DD? Something special - the park, a visit to a play area? If you give her some one-to-one attention it might make her feel better. Get her a nice present? A little cake maybe? something special. It's really important to try to understand how she feels and how much her little world has changed.

I think that you need to 're-bond' with your girl. If you feel that the two of you are 'rowing' all the time (which I don't think is very healthy to do with a two year old - with your husband maybe, but you are the grown up!) you really should try to spend quality time alone with her, even if it's only half an hour.

It's all natural enough but I agree with pp that you need to rebound somehow... With my (also strong willed) DD we occasionally have a Girls Day.. The buildup is almost as good as the real thing, which is really only a morning, when I allow her to choose where we go for breakfast, a park, lunch etc.. Without her brother.
I know you have a new baby, but would an hour or two be possible?

yes it should be, am breastfeeding and he's v hungry but I'm sure I can wangle an hour somewhere this weekend. Thanks both, will try it and let you know!