How do I keep my 3 3/4 year old son amused whilst caring for newborn daughter

[staineshunt123]

Hi there

I have 17 day old DD and a 3 3/4 year old DS. I am breastfeeding which takes up a lot of the day and I feel guilty that I am not able to do much with my DS. I feel like I am sidelining him. I constantly talk to him but feel bad that I am not doing much with him. He keeps asking me to do things and its horrible having to keep saying I cant at the moment. I have explained to him that its because his little sister is so small and that it wont always be this way and he has told me that its ok because he loves his little sister but sometimes I look at him and he looks sad. All we seem to do is watch tv at the moment. \I have read books with him but he is not interested in doing this.
Has anyone else experienced this?

You can't really.

You can encourage him to do more things on his own. Set up a toys picnic for him and then leave him to play. That sort of thing.

Or go out and about to toddler groups, activity clubs for him and visit friends with children. The baby will have to fit in.

Isn't he off at nursery for a couple of hours each day?

Yeah he is - he goes every morning. I wonder if it is more me worrying about it than him though! DD is only 17 days old and we are now starting to go out and about but as I am breastfeeding I try and fit it around when she needs feeding.

You probably are worrying too much about him and feeling a bit sad for him. I did for dd1 at first.

You'll all get used to it in a couple of months.

Storytime?

YouTube playlists!

I'm not proud of the amount of YouTube DS watched when I had DD, but I could set a place list of 'safe' shows that he liked to watch (sesame street, Thomas the tank etc) and let it run whilst I fed DD.

If you've got a fussy feeder (DD was) it's hard enough to get them to feed without a 3 yo bouncing around. It's such a short time, it won't do them any harm (I hope!)

I had the same age gap, DS is now 4.2 and DD is 6 months.

Can you play some games with him that are hands free, like I Spy (with colours if he doesn't yet know phonics - e.g. "I spy with my little eye something red" and he has to guess what). Or a counting game where you have to count things around the room. Or sing songs together.

Also duplo. My son will happily play duplo on his own for hours, bringing me his 'rocket ships' or 'drills' that he has made.

How about a "surprise box" or a box that only comes out when you are feeding. Put in toys, snacks, books, colouring pencils & paper etc, really anything that he can do by himself or with minimal intervention but lots of praise and discussion. He only gets the box at feed time and gets to rummage through and do what he wants. Friends have done similar and included CDs and DVDs at different times to create variety. It doesn't stop you interacting with him but it does give you a bit more freedom - the mess he makes is easily sorted whrn you have both hands free. He can help you put things in the box at bedtime ready for the following day. Hope that helps?

I had DD when DS was 2.7 yrs. I felt just like you and it's awful isn't it.

I breastfed too so it was wall to wall C.beebies and up until 2.5, he never watched any TV as I was always out and about with him. I had him at activities and groups everyday and was very active.

Suddenly I had a very demanding, screaming baby with reflux, an under active thyroid which was wiping me out completely and I didn't know I had it and I basically hardly went out for her first year .
Even when he started nursery when DD was 8 months I used to not take him because I was so ill.

I finally got the right medication and got back to normal this last few months and we are out all of the time and he is in nursery every morning.

I know it was me who worried too much though. He is perfectly happy and loves his little sister (most days). There has been no damage done.

In your case it will be a matter of months and things will pick up again and he will not remember a thing. Just get the TV on, keep chatting, stop giving yourself grief. It takes a bit of adjusting when you sudddenly find you have to meet the needs to two and the guilt kicks in.

This will all get easier I promise.

Thanks everyone. All ideas taken on board. Will try and stop feeling so guilty. Think I felt worse cos DH went back to work yesterday and he had been great with him whilst he was off work.

However you have all made me feel much easier about the situation so again, thank you.

don't feel bad, at least he has nursery every morning to occupy him. More than my poor DD1 had when DD2 was born - she was 2.2, and we spent way too much time cooped up indoors watching Cbeebies

The tiny newborn phase is shortlived and soon you will be able to get out and about more. Will DD fall asleep on the way to the nursery pick-up? If so, could you take some sandwiches then go to the park for a picnic after nursery now that the weather is getting better? Or, if he doesn't already, do they have a lunch club at nursery he could go to?

With DD2 I also completely overcame my fear of BF while out and about and did it anywhere - park bench, library, shops, you name it! So we still carried on going to toddler groups, playdates, playground etc. Once she is a bit older perhaps you could try and engineer her routine so she has a sleep in the pushchair in the afternoon and you can take DS somewhere.

It will get easier!