Struggling with Different Parenting Styles

[Ginabraz]

Do many people have any issues with different parenting styles between their husbands/partners? DH has a completely different style to mine as he works long hours he rarely is at home to see DSs (3 & 2yrs) at the evenings. As a result I feel that he is disadvantaged to understand their little personalities and how to best cope with their idiosyncrasies.

I am a SAHM and cope as I have my routine which I try to keep a calm environment and I tend to pick my battles with the 3 year old. It seems to turn chaotic on the weekends as the calm routine is thrown out the window as DH has little patience and no tolerance towards the DSs. He can behave like a dictator where the boys have to do as he says regardless, just so he can prove who is the boss. I'm all for discipline when required, but I sometimes feel for the boys as they are criticised more often than praised. I feel that DH treats them like they are 10 and expects them to behave this way all the time. I'm struggling to enjoy the weekends as everyone seems to get so upset and angry. DS1 actually told DH this weekend on two occasions that he does not like him anymore.

Does anyone else have this problem and how do you cope?

My DH is very different from me also. As you're at home all day, you'll have a better understanding of their routines, likes and dislikes, etc. Can you explain this to your husband?
Coming from a home where my father ruled with an iron fist, I would say that this really needs to be sorted. We hated our father, he was always shouting and smacking and just basically being horrible. This is not a relationship I'm sure your DH will want with his children.
I would personally sit down with DH alone, when the kids aren't around and speak to him. The "your doing this" argument will probably get his back up, so try to keep things calm but be firm and tell him how your DSs need things done, and agree on ways you can change your weekends so that these have more of a routine as well. Hopefully this will take some of the stress out of the situation.
As for your DH being cross about the children misbehaving, well that's what kids do, we can't expect them to be angels all the time!
I'd maybe ask DH to spend some quality time with the boys, maybe they're acting up at weekends for some attention from dad? You need to come to a compromise on how to deal with the kids and stand as a united front and hopefully have a nice happy household!

DH and i agree on the principles/ values we want to adhere to in our household, but are very different personalities. He's very structured, and can also be very impatient and intolerant. Since our DS arrived we've argued frequently, mainly because of the unpredictability of babies and how i've chosen to respond to my DS (not letting him cry it out, but cuddling him etc).

We just talk (once we've argued it's a good indication there's a problem that needs sorting!) and are very open about each other's, but most importantly our own, failings. I know i'm stubborn and believe my way is the best way. It isn't always and sometimes i actively demonstrate to him that i've taken on board something he's suggested. Anyway, he still has his impatient and intolerant days (don't we all?) but now he tries to take a step back and remind himself that we're blessed with a very easy baby. I have to remind him to take time to enjoy it and not want him to grow up too quickly when he whinges that he's not sleeping through the night by 4 months!

ok, I would say first off that I am luck enough not to have this problem, but secondly the solution is not to tell him that the ds's need things a certain way but to ask him what it is he wants/needs/expects fromt the ds's. This then opens a discusion about what he wants from his time with them/how he would like weeeknds to be. So for example if he would like calm quiet weekends in which he gets to chill out/read the paper uninterupted all well and good.... but acheiving this will be about not getting every one wound up and scheduling some time so he gets to read the paper on his own and some time he gets to do childcare. You can talk about what is developemtnaly apropriate (no 3 yr old is goign to sit quietly doing an activty for an hour whilst he watches the footie for example) and think about it from a what can we do type way....

Thanks for the replies. We have discussed it and I think things will improve moving forward. DH will have them all by himself this weekend and Mon/Tues as I am away for work. I'll be very interested to see the outcome!