can anyone recommend a book sort of like attachment parenting but for toddlers?

[willowstar]

Hello

My little girl is 17 months old. When she was brand new I read about attachment parenting and it fitted us perfectly much to my amazement, it was just kind of how I felt. So when she was a baby I just followed my instincts.

Now however I suddenly feel like i have no idea what I am doing. I feel bad saying this but she is very stroppy (not sure if there is a better word) much more so than my friends' children. If I tell her not to do something she does it all the more (and makes sure I am watching!) and if things don't go exactly as she wants them she bucks and writhes and screams and puts herself on the floor.

I suddenly realise that I have no idea what to do. Lots of my friends are doing the naughty step but that doesn't feel right to me, or for me I should say. I want to do what is best for her but I am soft.

So, are there any books out there that are along the lines of attachment parenting that might help me?

many thanks

Hi there
it sounds like you are listening to your child and would like to work with your child to help her grow rather than simply dominating her....i'd highly recommend "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" it's gives lots of examples especially in short cartoon fashion. i photocopied a load of these cartoons and stuck them on our bathroom window so DH had to read them when he was brushing his teeth as there is no way he'd read a parenting book!

you might find it in your local library, might have to request it from another one in the borough or it's about £7 i think on amazon.

could also have a look at spirited child books or high needs books, although i think it's best to start with how you speak to her rather than looking at what might be "wrong" with her, as she's likely to be completely fine and you're just more used to listening to her!

For what it's worth, I have never used the naughty step or really any form of punishment. My DD1 is nearly 6yrs old and DD2 is 2yrs old. Think how you would treat another adult or how you would expect your partner to treat you. We don't hit, we don't shame, we explain...it takes longer in the short term but has much greater rewards in the long term

keep searching for what works best for you and your family

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn - overview of broad principles

Stop Reacting and Start Responding by Sharon Silver for practical tips.

And How to Talk, as Chocolate suggested.

thank you very much, I have ordered the How to talk book and the unconditional parenting book as well and am really looking forward to reading them. I have been thinking for a while that the naughty step approach wasn't for me but I just didn't know what else to do, my instincts aren't really guiding me at the mo.

I have the Sears book on behaviour (think it's called 'The Discipline Book') which might be the sort of thing you're looking for. Your DD sounds a lot like mine!

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort is another good one.

And I've found this site really helpful.

amazingly my tiny little local library has "Raising our children, raising ourselves" it wasn't in the prominant parenting section in the childrens library ...so i moved it...felt very daring and slightly subversive!!

Thank you AngelDog for the mention. I'm honored to be listed along side Alfie Kohn.

Willowstar, If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. I will try to get back to this site as often as I can.
Sharon aka RespondCoach @www.proactiveparenting.net

Also, I like Natural Child by Jan Hunt.

Responding, I got your book after Moxie recommended it. :)