Am I over reacting do you think?

[Polgara2]

I am very uncomfortable with this but am I over-reacting? DD1 who is 8 has just come back from her friend's house, she was there a couple of hours. During this time friends Dad (who is looking after them) left them in the house twice, to first drop someone off and second time to nip to the shop. Girls were left in house, elder brother 13 or 14 was upstairs with 3 of his mates, none of whom I know anything about. I never leave dd anywhere on her own but even if I did I wouldn't if I was responsible for someone elses child as well. So does anyone think this is OK? Not sure what to do about it tbh.

Depends on the children.

Some 8 year olds yes, some definitely not.

I don't think you are over reacting. I have never left my dd aged nearly 9 at all and would not expect her to be left by any adult who had said they would look after her. However I think people are often really different with second children and I am sure the lads upstairs were fine. I can understand your unease but would probably assume it was done without thinking too much about it. At least you have dd safe and well and know that perhaps in future it might be something to carefully avoid happening if you can.

No, not OK at their age - if I were in the dad's position I would have taken the 8-yr-olds with me, both times. (I would leave my own 8-yr-old in with an older sibling, but not a visiting one, and probably not even my own if older sibling had friends in and wasn't being responsible iyswim.)

However I'm not sure what you can do about this incident - if she wants to go again I would then tell whichever adult was in charge that I didn't want her left in the house without an adult.

Hmmm thats the problem isnt it. Friends father has a very, very laidback attitude to child care generally imo! Not sure what to say to him without being too confrontational and getting his back up but getting my point across iyswim. Have to say dd said it wasn't much different to when he is there, because they never see him anyway!! Oh dear don't want to cause a rift between dd and her friend either.

I'd leave mine home with a sibling or if neighbours were in (where we live) but would never leave someone else's child at that age - I take the responsibility very seriously.

Don't know how I'd feel if dd or ds came home saying they'd been left, though I know dd1 stayed at 10 with friend and older sister. That didn't bother me, but I think it was particular circumstances (plus the mum asked me in advance).

This happened to me - I was horrified when I heard ds + friend + slightly older sister of friend had been left (when ds was about 8). I didn't say anything, though, just discouraged further playdates. I should at least have been told - something like: 'I may just pop out to the newsagent's while your ds is here' - then I could've found a reason not to leave ds there. Otherwise it is a breach of trust IMO. What if there's a fire? What if the responsible adult is run over on the way back from the newsagent's?