How has leaving London affected your family life?

[alittleteapot]

Didn't know where to post this, but parenting as good as any, as part of my fear of leaving London is I know how to do it pretty well here and am scared of starting somewhere else. But DP very keen to get out of the big smoke. Wants a slower, cleaner less claustrophobic life. I need a bit of buzz in my life so thinking perhaps somewhere like Stroud could work. But am London through and through and it would be a massive leap of faith.

Interested to hear about other families who've left London and what sort of experience they've had. Can see countrylife lovely for young kids but can't imagine anywhere better than London for teenagers (but I know that's me just not knowing different.)

There's always Ashford to consider too - it's a VERY large town, really sprawling now, and it's nowhere near as charming as somewhere like Canterbury, BUT... it has all the amenities you could want, and there is a new HIgh Speed rail link that takes you from Ashford to St Pancras in 37 minutes, so really quick for commuting.

Other than that, there's also the slightly closer Medway towns (Rochester particularly I would say above the others).

Have been put off Hove as have heard that schools are crap. Don't know much about Worthing but I do like a pensioner. Maybe I could learn to drive at long last as they would probably all drive nice and slowly and I'd fit right in.

I like the sound of amenities and high speed rail link to London but then the dream of living near the sea and having fires on the beach isn't going to be met by moving to a large sprawling town that's commutable to London but isn't anywhere near as nice as London. But I suppose Ashford would be near enough to the beach to spend lots of time there. Will have to do a tour of the south coast and investigate further.

Thanks ladies.

You're welcome! Good luck with the search and if you have any more questions, feel free to PM me. Before we moved, we actually had a spreadsheet of potential places to live - I kid you not! We wanted to make sure we made the right decision...

Ashford " nowhere near as charming as somewhere like Canterbury" lol what a polite way of phrasing it!

Is it a shithole?

Looking at an earlier post it doesn't surprise me to see West Kent towns mentioned and then the house prices and grammar schools, the nice shops, theatres, restaurants and countryside associated with this area. So what's the catch? Well, for me many of the things which others may think are worth moving for really do need consideration: there is very little here to indicate to my DCs that Britain is a multi-cultural society, the education system is just as it was in the 1950s, the traffic is bloody terrible (some jams here are worse than London) and houses which cost 500+ K still don't have much beyond courtyard gardens or parking. The coast and London are both about an hour away - not exactly convenient, especially given the crappy train service at weekends when these sorts of things are more feasible. If I could afford to live in London I would definitely not swap it for West Kent.

I couldn't possibly say... yes

But one person's souless shithole is another person's up and coming commuter belt town

We did it, Id lived in London all my life so had loads of friends although lots were moving out as their dc's got older. We moved commuting distance, the dc's had a quieter, healthier time, school was good etc. Dh and I hated it, the people were very narrow minded if you weren't a stockbroker and did something more arty you weren't understood. It took a long time until we admitted to each other that we'd made a mistake, but after five years we moved away.

We're much happier back in a big city, I wish we had never done it.

Ashford is horrible. Ramsgate is very (sorry) chavvy. I quite like Canterbury actually and it was on our maybe list before we decided on E Anglia over Kent.

I live nowhere near London, but wanted to explode a few myths that anywhere outside of London has no/inferior art galleries, exhibitions, museums, good shopping, decent restaurants, nightlife etc.

I used to live in Croydon and worked in London. I now live in Yorkshire and love it. We live in a nice 4 bedroom detached house in a village with a brilliant primary school that feeds into the best secondary school in the area. I dread to think how much it would cost to get the equivalent in London. In half an hour I can be in Leeds - theatres, museums, art galleries, shopping, eating etc. I realise that you need to be within commutable distance of London, but I can honestly say that I don't miss London one bit. It is nice to visit and nice to leave behind. Where we live the crime rate is much lower, the air is cleaner, the people are friendlier and we feel very much part of the community.

I suggest you keep an open mind.

Hi aLittleteapot,

Im not from London but im having your same dilema here in Edinburgh.

Edinburgh is full of brilliant night life, restaurants, excellent shops and tons to do for everyone.

Considering how much of our year can have rubbish weather, it's brillinat to be able to be in John Lewis or a shopping Mall or softplay centres etc within minutes.
I have loads of friends here, from my working life before children and since children and I like to be able to meet up with both, either to entertain children or go for a glass of wine with an old friend. I love my life.

My DH bought a plot of land on a new golf resort way down the east coast, 2 years ago. I let him go for it thinking he'd never get it and he did . The house is nearly finished and Ive since had another baby (I have a 3.10 yr old and 15 month old.

I've been through loads of different emotions and been pretty low at the thought of leaving Edinburgh, where I've stayed my whole life.

The new place is in a conservation area, beautiful, surrounded with beaches, woods, safe cycle paths and coastal walks for miles, nothing else though! There is a busy Market town 10 mins drive away and two villages either side of this resort and excellent small schools.

Last summer, everytime the weather was nice we would jump in the car and drive down to the house (then building site) and have a day out with the kids.
I grew to love it and slowly started to see the appeal (I wouldn't have chosen to try suburbia otherwise).

I've had time to see the benefit of both lifestyles but with a young family, I think we will all have a better quality of life out there.

I've also worked out the trains to make sure I can still have that bottleglass of wine with a friend !

It's not just about moving out of London, it's where it is that counts.

You want to be able to get to the heart of London easily but also have a place outwith London that has some special stuff that London doesn't have IYSWIM.

I now see im getting best of both worlds.

Good luck with your decision though, it is so unsettling isn't it.

I did but only to Brighton and tbh I preferred London and wish we had stayed there!

I live in a town here I know people who do commute to London, its a bit further out and certainly not Kent.

We have theatres, cinemas, tow major cities nearby 17 miles and 10 miles. Within walking distance two cinema, one with 6 screens, three theatres - small venues but which show a variety of productions, good eateries, beautiful parks, two rugby clubs, footballs two leisure center within 1 mile of my home and two public and one private school within walking distance also, good state schools and a grammer school.

I often see threads of life moving out of London and the majority seem to move to Kent, which imo is very overcrowed - its a safe distance from London and for many I see the attraction as it is commutable - but with rush and a squash.

From the next town - a mile from me the train station is on the edge of town and 1 hour and 20 minutes from central London - it depends how often you need to commute and how far you want to go

ivykaty - sounds wonderful, but where is it?!

Just wanted to say thanks for all your posts. What they confirm is that if we did it the place would have to be very carefully researched - I'd need somewhere with a bit of a buzz, an intelligent cultural life. So any suggestions welcome and we'll start spending a few long weekends in various places. Then maybe stay somewhere for a month to try it for size.

Right now, leaning towards staying though, I must say. I think London's great. Change is tempting for good reasons. but the no risk would be to stay.

hi

Just wanted to add my tuppence. Me and my DH moved out of London with our 6 month old DD1. We went back home to Edinburgh to be closer to family and felt it was the right thing to do. Fast forward 2 years and we are trying to get back down to London again. We lived in zone 2 for 3 years but this time round we're looking to move to somewhere like Teddington. It was there or Guildford/Tunbridge Wells but if Edinburgh feels too small, then not much point moving further out of London. We visited these towns and they just didn't feel right. I really feel there will be more opportunity for our DCs in London. A hop away from the Surrey countryside, Bushy Park, Richmond Park, the Thames. Not far from Heathrow (maybe not so good!). I grew up in a New Town and echo what someone else said previously about wanting my children to have lots of options. Also children aren't little forever, and I would have loved to have been a teenager in London. (not sure how I feel about being a parent to one tho!)

I would only move for something you really want to do, not something you think you should be doing. You can't fool yourself. But if you do try it out, its not the end of the world. If it doesn't work out, you can always move back again. Having lived in Edinburgh, I wouldn't want to live in zone 2 anymore so somewhere like Teddington is a good compromise (without actually feeling like a compromise). Good luck with whatever you decide!

OP, I've read this thread thinking I really must post but don't know what to say. Now I've seen your latest thoughts, I feel better about saying this: we left London and moved near Stroud nearly eight years ago. Your comment about needing a 'buzz' rang alarm bells, I have to say; have you ever been to Stroud? Their idea of buzz is Keith Allen hosting an amateur comedy evening - and he only moved here a couple of years ago!

I suppose your opinion on a place would depend on where you live now, which you don't say, but it in no way compares to the areas of London we lived in (Battersea and Wandsworth).

Don't want to say too much here, but feel free to PM me if you like .

WE moved last year to a semi rural village near small town a few miles from a city. We specifically chose somewhere with good transport links (on train line) as wanted to avoid becoming reliant on car and wanted access to city life if we felt the need.

Main up sides:

Beautiful countryside and closeness to nature, cold frosty mornings, peaceful sunny evenings, birdsong - I feel completely alive after all those grey years in London.

Streets are much safer and so DCs have much more freedom to play out, go to local shops on own & when older will be able to get bus/ train into the nearby city for culture/ shopping etc. Nearby city is university city with lots going on.

People are less stressed, less agressive and have more time to pass the time of day.

Schools are good and, according to DCs, behaviour a lot better in class so more time spent on productive learning (not sure to what extent that is a London thing but probably reflects relative levels of wealth)

After a few false starts have found like minded friends. Some people are dull & narrow minded but its such a great location that I always held out the hope that "people like us" would have spotted this too and moved here, just needed to find them.

Down sides

Public transport is very expensive, especially buses. We have ended up driving a lot although we do cycle as much as poss. HOwever I would feel much happier about letting DCs out on roads on bikes on own when a bit older as drivers are much more cautious about cyclists than in London.

JObs are worse paid and less choice unless you happen to work in one of the local industries. In my field there are about two jobs a year compared to about 30 that I could have applied for in London.

Cultural events are rarer and especially free ones - have to pay for almost everything. However there is loads of sport and lots of people willing to give up their time to run sports stuff for kids.

Not necessarily cheaper - council tax, water rates and heating bills (we are now on oil) all more expensive but insurance a lot cheaper so has kind of evened out. Houses a bit cheaper too. However we are saving a lot on things like holidays and meals out as we no longer need these to "escape" from London.

Less multi cultural which can occasionally lead to narrow mindedness and subtly racist attitudes stemming from ignorance/ fear of unknown.

Think you do need to pick your place and get all your key things in place before you leap - we had to wait for DP to find job. Did consider commuterland but so glad we didn't go for that - DP & I now travel only half hour each to work on blissfully empty trains.

We moved from London about 5 years ago to a small town - home counties. Lots of great things - cheaper housing, countryside, less crowded, great schools.

Things I miss - the choice of everything. Wanted to do a college course recently - something very mainstream - but course cancelled due to lack of numbers. No option to do it anywhere else - so I have to wait a year and see if there are enough numbers next year.

Friends - I miss my old friends. I have made new friends but don't feel they share similar life experiences - find it quite hard to fit in. Luckily we are an hours' train ride to London so I am able to still see people I used to know.

But the main thing for me is the smallness of it all. Everybody either knows someone else, is related to them or once worked with them. I loved being anonymous in London - that if you left a job or a club - you wouldn't necessarily see those people again unless you wanted to. Here, they are standing outside the school gate for the next 10 years with me.

My DH loves being able to get home from work in 20 minutes, not sitting in traffic, less financial pressure, being able to get on the motorway to visit family in 10 minutes.

Think it depends on your personality really.

Oh, Emmy12, I think I am you! Though I am still in London. But considering elsewhere.

I am right in the middle of London and I love the buzz and the fact that at 8pm 500 rollerbladers could just go past my house or they will be filming Spooks or something. Or I can sit in a cafe and eavesdrop and hear people planning exciting business ventures or arts events or whatever.

Having grown up in a village in the middle of nowhere, I can see both sides. Being a teenager in a village is brilliant. I waded down rivers (perhaps I was a late developer!), I rode horses but I still listened to Madonna and went to parties in village halls where people snogged each other. But is was all pretty innocent and exploratory and what youth should be.

But the killer for me is where I live now is getting more and more dangerous and I don't want my DS and DD walking past gangs of youths on their way back from sports practice and getting drawn into some fight with knives. Paranoid, but that's N1 for you.

Personally, the thought of living in commuter belt fills me with horror. But I've never lived there so don't trust me. I do find that villages in Essex don't really seem to have a proper country feel, they feel like city people surrounded by fields. So on that front I'd say find a village further away with a decent pub.

But then reality bites and you have to think about jobs and commuting back to london, trains and all that jazz - and before you know it, you're in Brentford.

I don't know if you need to be near London for jobs but I say, don't listen to people who say there's nothing to do for teenagers in the countryside. That may well be true for market towns but it is not true for the villages around market towns. If it's your own satisfaction that you're worried about (which is also vital!) then I don't know what the answer is. I just know that all the people who stayed in my home town were not the go-getters. They all moved to London. But there comes a point where you settle for less exciting for not having your kids knifed coming out of a chippie.

I would love to know what you decide and if it works out. Good luck.

alittleteapot, from your requirements, I'd say a university town would fit the bill. Oxford? Cambridge? Good transport links. Culturally vibrant. Bit of stuff going on. Slightly subversive. Plus, think of all the babysitters!