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Parenting

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Original poster

Full time working mum missing dd

9 replies

hangingonathread · 16/03/2011 10:24

I have a 17-18 month old dd and I miss her so much when I'm at work :(

I went back to work almost a year ago and I just feel like I'm missing out on so much. I'd love to work part time, but we just can't afford it.

We're lucky enough that her grandma looks after her and they have a fantastic relationship, but I do occasionally get a bit when dd wakes up from a nap and goes to grandma for a cuddle after fighting me off!

Do you think it will affect our relationship long term?

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Ladylay · 16/03/2011 13:15

No I dont.

I'm in the same boat and I make sure that when I get home I am 100% hers (to the detriment of the housework) and it hasnt affected our relationship- we're still just as close.

It'll be very soon when you can explain a bit more to her too.

Have also read loads of literature which says that its not the amount of time but the quality of time that you spend with them that counts, which is re-assuring.

Original poster

hangingonathread · 16/03/2011 14:42

Thanks Ladylay, I do cherish every moment I spend with her, with exception to cooking dinner, I'm all hers - she likes to play with her dad too, we both do bath time and I usually do bedtime.

I guess I knew there weren't really any answers, just seeing if others had similar feelings and having a down day.

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hereshegoesagain · 16/03/2011 16:30

don't worry you are not alone!
the one thing I can add is that you can keep - and will keep - a very special place in your childs life even if you work full time!
I went back to work when my first was 4 months old, and my second 4.5 months old. Not proud of it, just had to!
where I can assure you that it's ok is because my first is now 11 yrs old, the second is only 6 months old... so I have a bit of a perspective on the subject.
I did get envious at times of my partner, who does most of the childcare, and I've honestly never seen a boy so close to his dad to this day... it's wonderful. But our son never got closer to a childminder/nanny/grandparent than to us, and we both bring different things to him. I spent the great majority of my evenings playing board games/making puzzles/playing/singing/reading to him for the past 11 yrs ( delete as appropriate according to age! ) whether my partner did the nursery/school pick-up, snack, park, afternoon nap, etc.... it's just the way it had to be, and I've learned along the way that both are valid and bring him equal joy, just like we do, as persons!
I'm back in the same situation ( nearly ) and am confident that it is ok.... it doesn't make it any easier to accept the separation, I agree.... we all have our down days! I used to have stay-at-home-mum friends who used to envy my going to work every day, when it was the middle of winter, they had to be up at 6 and go to the same park with toddler and baby... they didn't appreciate each minute as much because it was routine! For you it's even more special.... keep your chin up ;) I'm in the same boat as you

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mindtheagegap · 16/03/2011 21:01

Hi - I feel the same. My DD is 17 months and i miss her loads. I love my work but I'd rather do it part time and have more time with DD but can't afford it. Like the OP I have brilliant childcare from DH (who works part time) and my best friend and i'm glad DD is happy. I spend all evening with her and weekends - the time we have together is special, but its never enough.

Original poster

hangingonathread · 17/03/2011 09:42

Thank you so much for your lovely replies, I've got tears running down my cheeks :)

It's a shame it all comes down to money really isn't it? Oh for a little lottery win so I could spend all day with her :)

Seriously though, it's really helpful to read other peoples different experiences, thank you so much

OP posts:

Carmen123 · 17/03/2011 11:42

Thank you so much for your post(s). I am in the same situation, feeling guilty and worried that my relationship with my baby is affected by my working full time.

It is so encouraging to hear that is the quality of the time rather than the quantity that matters.

Kewcumber · 17/03/2011 11:46

its normal and I don;t think it will have any effect in the long term. HOwever from personal experience if there was any chance of you saing enough money to take 3 months off when she starts shcool I would do it. Settling into school and being there to take them to school and pick them up that first term havs been so beneficial for DS and I - more so that the time I took off when he was a baby in fact.

bigTillyMint · 17/03/2011 11:48

I felt like this too, but was lucky to be able to drop down to 3 days a week when she was 18mnths (DS was born, had 6mths maternity leave, then back to 3 days a week).

I felt sooo jealous when MIL looked after her (only on occasion as she went to a nursery), so can appreciate how you feel.

I couldn't have been a SAHM all week though - hats off to those who can

cuckooclock · 17/03/2011 22:21

I was fortunate to be able to return to work part time after dd was born. I did 3 days per week then had 4 days at home. As said above make the time you have together quality time, because they soon grow up. The time you have apart is good for you too. when on maternity leave i really missed adult conversation. It is also good for your kids too to have interactions with other adults, makes them more social and less dependant on you.

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