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Parenting

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Original poster

19months - starting to be "naughty". Too early for naughty step?

15 replies

trixie123 · 15/03/2011 19:33

Just wondering of people think 19 months is old enough for him to understand the concept. Someone else has suggested taking away favourite toys as a punishment but, whilst he has them, I think its out of sight out of mind anyway so he wouldn't really notice if they were gone. Naughtiness is not much really, just throwing things, touching things he shouldn't etc. Suggetsions gratefully recieved.

PS he is also starting to wake up more at night and just wants one of us with him.The crying if we leave him is more angry than distressed.

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rubyslippers · 15/03/2011 19:35

it is too young for removing toys and the naughty step

he isn't being naughty - he is just testing boundaries which is all usual at this age

however, he should respond to a firm NO to throwing and touching etc as that is how he will learn

my own DD is going through similar - removal from the situation and distraction work well

RhinestoneCowgirl · 15/03/2011 19:37

19 months is still so young and emotionally still 'baby'. I don't really like naughty steps any, but at this age it should be all about removing from the situation and distraction. Also things that we think are naughty (e.g. using lipstick to draw on the walls) are just them experimenting - and are maybe a message to put the lipstick out of reach!

Night waking - I think there is a sleep regression about 18 months or so, to do with separation anxiety...

Iggly · 15/03/2011 20:09

Remove and distract. That's what I do with DS - remove him to distract him. If he does something he shouldn't, I tell him no but to be honest, he doesn't really get it. Doesn't mean I stop telling him, but I don't see it as being deliberately naughty (he's nearly 18 months)

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thinkingkindly · 15/03/2011 20:17

Oh way too young. Remove and distract, do!

thisisyesterday · 15/03/2011 20:17

agree with the others.

he is far too young for any form of punishment IMO. he is just exploring his little world. he has no idea what he is and isn't allowed to touch, and the only way to teach him is by just saying "no" when he does it and removing him, or by taking it away completely and just waiting until h e is old enough to learn not to touch.

if he is waking up and needing you, then be with him.
he's only little.
if he was crying for you in the day you would go to him and comfort him wouldn't you? so why not at night?

Iggly · 15/03/2011 20:25

Forgot to respond to the bit about the nights. DS does this - he settles very quickly after a cuddle and I stay in the room (he checks I'm there as I fall asleep with a quick "mama?" )

Firawla · 15/03/2011 20:44

nooo much too young!
there are people who do it at this age but i think it is not wise really, they are too young for it and so you are just creating conflict unnecessarily where distraction would be so much better for this age group. i know people who have done it from 13 months and insist their babies understood (clearly must be some kind of genius babies then?!) but no, they won't normally get it and i dont think it will really help it will just frustrate both of you.
at that age he is not really meaning to be naughty, just exploring the surroundings. if it is at home then simplest thing just keep the non touchable stuff up out of his reach, and whatever else you can do to make it easier for yourself.
agree taking away favourite toy is not going to make much difference at this age either.
keep distracting him, move stuff away, move him away, do tell him no to try and get the message across, but he is still a baby really.
same for the night thing i would definitely go check on him, pick him up soothe him etc then try to put him back, wouldn't just leave him. maybe he is just feeling a bit insecure for some reason? my 2 yr old is like this at the moment, seems they just get phases of it i think

Original poster

trixie123 · 15/03/2011 20:48

thanks, seems to be universal agreement at this point. That's really helpful. We do go to him in the night but once he is settled we try and leave him - sort of controlled crying really - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. He likes to hold our hands next to his face (bless).

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ginmakesitallok · 15/03/2011 20:49

Much much too young - how on earth would you get him to stay there? He won't understand any sort of delayed punishment - a firm "no" should be enough. And at a "naughty" 19 month old!

thisisyesterday · 15/03/2011 20:50

aww that's too cute!

i know in the middle of the night you'r ejust thinking "fgs let me get back to my nice warm bed" lol (or is that just me?) but strangely, when it stops you kind of feel a bit less "needed" than before.
enjoy the cute while you can lol, they grow up all too quickly.

IME if you just go with things like the night-wakings they do tend to just stop of their own accord

goodasgold · 15/03/2011 20:58

I agree with the others. Make your home easy for you to relax in with him by moving things until he is a bit older. If he is on the verge of doing something that is really dangerous move him rather than say 'no'. If it is not really dangerous, question why you don't like his behaviour. If he is just acting like a 19mth old then maybe let him get on with it. He will grow out of it and learn to copy you. I think that if you always try to be kind and reasonable at this stage then by the time he is three he will be as good as gold, like me.

Always tell him what you would like him to do, rather than what you wouldn't like him to do eg 'throw the bean bag at me, we can play catch' rather than 'don't throw the bean bag at the cat'.

Children this age do not always know the alternative to what you say not to do. He is not naughty, he is normal. Relax and enjoy.

Original poster

trixie123 · 15/03/2011 21:09

am interested that some of you have said he's too young to be "naughty". I don't think he is bad or evil or anything, but he does definitely know about playing games like running away when you tell him to come here or touching the TV screen and then smiling cheekily at you. its sweet really, just didn't want to NOT react in a way that stores up issues for later. As for the night thing, DP is definitely more into "oh well, we can have a nice cuddle then" so maybe I'll just kick him out of bed more often!

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Firawla · 15/03/2011 21:12

i would say not naughty because he may be doing it cheekily but not maliciously at that age iyswim? as you said, it may be just a game to him

goodasgold · 15/03/2011 21:41

I wouldn't muddle up labels for behaviour that you don't like.

If he is running away and could get into danger, go and get him, rather than ask him. It's not worth the risk. If he's not going to get into danger, maybe let him run off a little.

If you don't like him touching the TV screen suggest that he does something else, rather than make a big deal of it. If he is on the verge of breaking the tv or pulling onto himself, move him.

You really can take the fun out of things that you don't like, most of the fun is you. If you were not in the room would he still be touching the tv and smiling cheekily?

thisisyesterday · 15/03/2011 21:42

he does those things because it's funny! he is figuring out that when he does certain things you react in a certain way.

hence my 22 month old constantly coming to the kitchen and shouting "nana" because he thinks it's so funny that I then hand him a banana. he rarely actually wants to eat one

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