Help me to stop nagging and getting so irritated with my poor lovely children.

[RememberToPlaywiththeKids]

They are 4 and 2 and every day i swear i will keep myself in check. By the end of the day though i am a total nag about tidying up or eating prpoerly or stopping doing something when they are asked to etc. Suddenly a switch is flicked and i feel so just damn irritated with them and start getting louder and going on at them and one chance and theyre out kind of thing.

They are super kids but my fuse is so short and my days are wracked with guilt and then i do it again!

Please help :(

I often feel the same - mine are 5 and 7 though! I spend quite a lot of my time feeling guilty.

I will say though that it does get easier, and that my two now are regularly complimented for their excellent manners and respectful behaviour, so I must be doing something right!

All I can say, my only conclusion really, is that good parenting is hard work at times, and producing well-behaved children does take effort. It's better to be a conscientious parent than a lazy 'laissez faire' type IMO.

I do try to lay off them though when I feel I'm coming down on them too heavily, I make sure we have a lot of fun and laughs, and most of all I try to remember that they are just children and that I shouldn't expect too much of them.

It is easier said than done though!

I could have written your post OP. I'm really struggling to keep it all in perspective, I will gradually get more and more wound up until the smallest thing they do results in a huge telling off, and they are lovely really, just being kids.

I'm trying at the moment to give some focussed one-on-one time to each of them, in the hope that the attention seeking is reduced, and to encourage them to play together rather than following me about being annoying.

Will watch this thread with interest for some useful tips.

Im exactly the same. I feel so guilty all the time. My 5yo is such hard work and i just feel more and more irritated as the day goes on! Im always going on, do this do that, eat your food, stop messing, do that one more time and you are out etc etc. I do my own head in with it!!

Will be watching for tips :)

Oh it's bloody impossible isn't it to be frank. I tried all the tricks like pretend there is a film crew etc, no joy.

These things help me, but you should be aware they have only taken me from supra ahouty to shouty, so hold out for more ideas.

Find your times when you are likely to snap and alter something. I get wound up after tea when the children and tired, my husband is at work, there are toys everywhere and I am exhausted. I switched tea to slightly earlier so they were less tired, and gave them (more) television just before bed. It worked, and helped me keep calm. If there's nothing I can alter I promise myself a treat (wine/chocolate/anything) if I get through X time period without shouting.

I also made a whining/shouting competition with my older child, now nearly four. I try not to shout and he tries not to whine, and we judge who the winner is. Specifically I used to have this competition after tea.

Sounds little but it broke the cycle for me (for now).

I also find it harder when he weather is rubbish and we are cooped up indoors. Am kidding telling myself that when the weather is better and we get out more I will be a better parent.

Have you read 123 magic? Mine are a bit young yet (18mos) but I can see it helping later. Even now if one of my DTs starts whining I can just say '1' and give him the 'look' and he stops.

i do this and it makes me feel terrible . mine are 5 1/2 years and 4 months. I find I have to repeat myself zillions of times to get dd1 to do stuff...clean your teeth...clean your teeth...clean your teeth....aaaaargh!!! then I roar!
then i apologise for being shouty then feel like kids will grow up thinking I am mental and inconsistant and flaky

I know if you're busy its hard to think about reading anything but I've just got How to talk to kids so that they'll listen and listen so that they'll talk - or something like that (and I'm not really a parenting book person). It seems quite good and has already improved how I react in lots of situations e.g instead of constantly going on in the morning about teethbrushing etc asking them what jobs need to be done and then asking them if they've done their jobs etc. Agree also that trying to avoid stress times like for me when I realise theyre not in bed and the place is a tip and I'm going to have to tidy it all up ... hmm, more reading to be done!

It's jolly hard work and I'd love to say it gets so much easier, but in reality.... you just shout and nag about different things...sorry.

The up-side is that eventually all that nagging sinks in and you realise you're moaning about new things because they've finally got to grips with doing the old tasks without constant prodding! Hooray!

Mornings used to be our most volatile time ( I'm not a morning person at all!) and I used to ask my DS " who do you prefer, Shouty Cross Mummy or Calm Smiley Mummy?" to which he obviously answered "Smiley Mummy!" I then asked him what he thought he could do to make Smiley Mummy appear and he would quickly show his charming angelic side....admittedly only in short bursts but at least it broke the cycle.

Great tip helseybelsey! I like that.

helseybelsey....isnt that a bit like saying, 'its your fault i shout'??

arent we supposed to take responsibility for our behaviours to teach them to do the same?

i'm not trying to be a snot...i read that some where

Isn't there a common theme here?

That we all 'lose it' when we are at our wit's end and then all feel bad about it?!

I'm no better than the rest of you, by the sounds of it(!) but a good night's sleep always helps, and deflecting the whole anger/frustration thing with inane humour sometimes works for me.

Couching my requests in increasingly inane rhyming couplets usually ends up with them doing what I say or us all groaning/laughing and then the moment is past.

Spandangle - I am very frank with my DS (perhaps too much, but thats us) and explained that it's okay to be cross but wrong to shout/overreact and sometimes even mummies are not perfect.

He learned about actions and reactions and that he could have some control over his own life/day/morning simply by choosing his own behaviour...hopefully his grumpy mum would follow by example

One way or another he's turned into a lovely young lad and I'm immensely proud of him. Possibly swayed by the numerous cups of tea I'm now offered in the mornings! lol

I'm another shouty mum at my worst, I veer off into ranty mum. I hear myself, and realise I sound crazy, but sometimes it is very hard!

I usually try to apologise for my shouting/ ranting, and have a chat to the kids about it. I have told the children that it is my fault that I lose the rag shout, and that I feel bad about it. Have actually given up shouting for lent, and I'm not sure if the dc are more or less disconcerted by ominously calm mum or her predecessor!!

I saw a similar thread a few years ago which really helped me - a mum said that as she was about to lose it with her youngsters, she would force herself to imagine she was a children's TV presenter being filmed with the children- I often thought of this and had a go! It did work sometimes!

Have just started a thread exactly like this one! It's so hard. I can see myself shouting at them for no real reason other than me venting my frustrations. I feel like a right cow.

When I feel myself getting shouty I put the kettle on .

I Soooo get where your coming from OP.
Need to brake the negative cycle too but no idea how.

Mine are 3.10 and 15 months.

I swing from Mary Poppins to Shell from Eastenders.

I can be all lovely and sweet and full of spring,joy and fun to a ranting, shouting evil bitch.

I feel this may be worse than a consistant bitch because at least they would know where they stood!

It just comes from my toes and I snap without warning.

Obviously I never loose it with 15 month old because she is a baby so doesn't grate me (yet).

My 3.10 yr old though . He is a lovely little boy and I can take him out and feel very proud of him but in the house it's a different story.

He wants constant attention and is so jealous of his sister. He can't stand it if im as much as changing her nappy. He starts misbehaving.

It sometimes steamrolls into a situation where im shouting all of the time and then I note his behavior gets worse and worse.
I then step back and sometimes talk it over with DH and we calm it down a bit, give him some special attention throughout the day or week and turn a blind eye to the little annoying stuff.

It's like a vicious cycle once it gets out of control you don't know if the egg came before the chicken IYSWIM.

quickchat, very much like me. Everything can be going smoothly and then something happens which starts me off ranting. I am getting better at realising and letting it go a little, and DD will ask me why im so cross at her when ive actually calmed right down and got over it quickly!! I think that is because she is used to me carrying on and isn't sure if i have really calmed down or still simmering

When i realise ive been to hard on her i tend to over-compensate for it, make a big effort to be really happy and smiley with her. Poor kid probably doesn't know whether she is coming or going!!

Feel better after reading this thread though!

I have been where you all are now! My kids are teenagers and my advice is to slow down, don't try to be perfect, enjoy your kids. It is absolutely true what everyone says - this time will pass so quickly and you will never be able to recapture it! Your kids will all love to spend time with you - they don't care if your house is spotless and you have cooked an amazing meal! No one does!!

I wish I had taken my own advice!

Yeah I totally agree with Nell but will add it doesn't egt any easier

or even get!!

Do your kids remember you being a ranting looney nelleh?? This is my worry! Im going to take your advice and slow down!! :)

Peacenow: I had three kids in four years and often thought I was going to go mad! Now I realise I put myself under too much pressure. However, I do not regret being a stay at home mum and I have great kids!

25goingon95 - Oh yes! I still am!!

What I'm trying to say, I think, is that we mums put ourselves under massive pressure - what for? My kids used to love it when I just sat with them (even though I was always itching to do something when they were settled!)

I am now 40+, work part time and am doing a full time degree and it's nowhere near as hard or tiring as having young children.

Sit down, pour yourselves a glass of wine and congratulate yourselves for doing the hardest job in the world!

Forgot to say - it does get easier!

I remember the 'flicking switch' - make sure you maintain blood sugar levels esp in afternoon

My kids think they had a great childhood!

It's getting brighter - go straight from nursery/school to the park - take drinks/snacks to save £££ and stay as long as you can. Being outside will do you all good. Dirty, happy kids will be ready for bath and bed!

Give older kids little jobs to do - let them help and DO NOT FORGET to reward and praise them!

Have picnics indoors!

I used to let mine paint the garden wall - then I hosed it off!

Make sure you mix with other adults - playgroup etc.

Have date nights with partner/husband

I think that's it!