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Parenting

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Original poster

Confused Dad, can any Mums give advice

31 replies

SeanOg · 14/03/2011 04:24

Hello, I'm a Dad, hoping to get the opinion of some mums.

Although I have never posted here before I have had alot of help with getting things right with my ds, so thanks everyone. This time I need help with understanding his mum...

I am realising that I can't visit my friends and family with my son unless my partner comes as well. I like her being there, only if she isn't in the mood to go she will often make excuses as to why I can't take him by my self, I am able to take him as far as the park but nothing more. My family live in London which is an hours drive from me, my ds is 20 months now, is this right or should I be able to take him over to see my mum? I have always been quite involved as a Dad, but I feel that I am being treated unfairly, should I shut up and wait a couple of years?

OP posts:

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Davsmum · 15/03/2011 10:27

My daughter won't allow her husband to take any of their 3 children anywhere without her because he drives like an idiot. If they all go somewhere - she drives.
Unless there is a good reason like that - then I think it is unfair that you arenot allowed to take your son with you alone.
On the other hand, my son's wife has no problem with my son taking their child anywhere he wants whenever he wants - infact she appreciates the break.
HAve a good talk with your wife to find out what her fears are.

gooseberrybushes · 15/03/2011 11:05

The only counselling you need is to be told, repeatedly, you're not in the wrong and you should have confidence in your judgement.

Don't start blaming yourself for her controlling behaviour.

Spandangle · 15/03/2011 11:10

i didnt mean to suggest that you need counselling because you are in any way to blame for her behaviour; but that her behaviour is likely to have muddled your head.

Interested in this thread?

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Families General parenting

mathanxiety · 15/03/2011 13:39

Just read your post from after midnight again -- how much time every day do you get to spend with your DS? How about your partner?

Firawla · 15/03/2011 20:49

I don't think there would be anything wrong with you taking your son, his mum is being too controlling about this. Of course she worries for him and would miss him if you take him alone but you are his parent too and it's actually great you take such an active role and seem very involved and good with looking after him which many dads are not! I think she needs to understand that her child is not only hers but yours jointly and what is the harm in you taking him to see your parents or whatever else, for eg if she is at college anyway and you are home with him then you need to be able to feel you have full responsibility of the situation and able to make decisions such as where to go, what to do - obviously within reason but you should not be made to feel as though you are "babysitting" for her or totally answerable to her about how you spend the day with your own son. It is a little bit weird on her behalf i think.

lookingfoxy · 15/03/2011 23:28

I used to hate my dp taking ds anywhere, I was convinced he could never look out for him the same way as 'mum' does.
DP is not ds's dad either but we met before he was even a year old.
DP finally pulled me up on this, and guess what, nothing bad at all has ever happened to ds, he has been for weekends away camping (to my horror) with uncle, cousin and dp.
I fretted constantly, but a 6 years down the line and I have got over it, but NOT BEFORE I was pulled up on it.
Now I actively encourage to take ds lol.

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