Expecting too much?

[solooovely]

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm expecting too much from my dcs, 2.5 and 5. In the mornings at the weekend they come and have a cuddle and then play together in their rooms for a while. They are close by and I can hear them but it takes me a while to get out of bed as.

So I tell them not to shout or be too noisy and not to keep coming into our room shoving different toys in our faces and climbing on the bed and complaining that they can't find their favourite sock/tights/t-shirts etc.

The rules on this are always the same and we tell them every time over and over but the oldest one still screeches and they both keep coming in. If they came in quietly I wouldn't mind but my DH stays in bed for a while and I need him not to get too woken up.

Anyway this norming I felt like putting my own head through a wall as I just don't understand why the oldest one doesn't stick to the rules. Saying this though she is a generally loud child and it's hard for her to be quieter when I ask. But I will say not to come in again and then 30 seconds later she does and then looks shocked when she gets told off!

I think I'm having a bad few days at the moment as I feel like she isn't listening to me at all and has developed selective hearing. I tell her to do something and she just doesn't so I ask again. Yesterday we got to about 6 times and I went ballistic. She said that she hadn't heard me and I'm not sure if that's true or not so am now worried about her hearing.

I think it is more likely though that she was in her own little world as she spends a lot of time there.

Sorry now I'm ranting.

They sound normal to me, but you don't say what time they go to bed, and what time they get up, and what time you expect them to get up etc, so very difficult to form a judgement.

Totally unreasonable to expect a 2.5 yr old to understand any concept of telling the time.

and probably unreasonable to expect a 5 yr old to control and supervise a 2.5yr old.

Yes you are expecting too much

Why does it take you a while to get out of bed? Do you have health problems? In which case your partner should probably get up.

Why is it important dh isn't woken? Why does it take you a while to get out of bed? If there are genuine health reasons that's one thing and the kids will have to get used to the way things have to be, but if you just want a lie in then sorry, you're definitely expecting too much.

What time are we talking btw?

Sometimes it's 6 or sometimes it's 7. I usually wake up aching and grumpy so 30 mins or so to improve my mood and gradually move about so that the aches go (slight health problem) changes the whole day for me. If I get up in a bad mood or jump out of bed really quickly I stay like that for ages.

My DH is really quite ill at the moment and needs his rest.

3littlefrogs I don't expect them to tell the time, just play nicely for a while. And my oldest isn't expected to control the youngest. They play together lovely so that isn't a chore for her, she loves it. I don't expect the little one to stick to the rules.

Well so far it sounds like I am expecting too much. I really am learning as I go with my children as no previous experience of children. I often find that I expect to much or have been doing something wrong for ages and then feel really bad.

If your dh is ill and needs his rest why arent you taking them downstairs away from his hearing?

My 6.5 and 4 year old now do this - the rule is that they can't come into our room before 7. They get themselves a snack and play in their room or in the living room (no TV). They have only been doing this for about 6 months though, and I agree with the other posters that yours are too young to do this.

But if it is essential for you to have a lie-in, tell your DCs they can watch telly. That definitely works for younger kids. You might want to leave them a tupperware with some crackers to eat and some cups of water too - mine are much better if they have eaten something.

BTW I think we all learn as we go - expect too much and get it wrong for ages.

I do think what you want is age unrealistic age expectations. Even if the elder of the two could manage it the younger one would impact upon the behaviour of both of them.

Could you go to bed earlier so you are ready to rise more in tune with their timetable?

Can I ask what the health conditions are that affect you both?

eileenslightlytotheleft - thanks I thought it was just me that made so many mistakes! As for watching telly ours is downstairs though and I feel they are too young to be down there unattended.

slipperandpjsmum - I do try to go to bed earlier but I work in the evenings so it just depends on what time I finish. I don't want to say about the health thing as it makes me so identifiable.

Thank you everyone for your comments. It would appear that I am expecting too much (again!) so will have to find a way around it. I have a friend who like you eileen her children aren't allowed in her room before 7 and they are the same ages as mine and it works fine for them. For us it works sometimes (as they do play lovely together) and sometimes not. I suppose I have been taking it for granted that it will always work ok.

I think you have to judge knowing your children. I don't think your 5yr old is too young to be expected to play quietly in the morning at all, although I think the 2.5yr old is. My dd is 3.9 and has always been an early riser, btwn 5-5.30 most days, when she was younger we just went to bed early & gritted our teeth but recently we got her a gro-clock which shows a star through the night & you set it to show a sun at the time you want them to get up. We set it for 6 in the week and 6.30 at the weekends, so not much of a lie in but better than 5.30 and to set it later would be unfair on her. When she wakes she gets up and plays in her room or downstairs until the sun shows on the clock. She is a sensible and independent little girl though.

Well I've adjusted what I expect of my lovely dcs in the morning and things are much nicer. Really all I wanted was a few moments to wake up in bed without having to jump out because they are making so much noise. It's lovely really as they come and give me cuddles while I'm waking up, such a nice way to start the day!