I always said we would stop at 2, so why do I feel so sad now that DS2 has turned 1?

[EmmaCB1]

Hi all, I wonder if you can help me sort out my feelings please as I'm in a bit of a pickle!

DS1 is 4 and starts school in september, and DS2 has just turned 1. My husband and I have always said that we would like to have 2 children, and I tried to enjoy and savour every minute of DS2's babyhood because of this. But now that he has turned 1 I'm just so sad that that's the end of conception, pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and babies for me. I even had a dream last night about having a 3rd.

DH has 2 now grown-up children from a previous marriage and really isn't keen on having any more. He's keen to move on to being a family with children rather than toddlers. And I know from a practical point of view that for us 2 makes sense. We don't have unlimited cash, our 3 bedroom terrace is just the right size, and we have a small car. And of course 2 parents looking after 2 children makes a lot of sense doesn't it.

I'm just so tearful about stopping at two. I wonder though if I would feel like this whenever I stopped, at 2,3 or more? What have your experiences been? Maybe it's just that baby's 1st birthday is always an emotional time and in a few months my hormones will have calmed down? I'd love to hear from people who have had a similar dilemma. I'm not in a rush to decide especially but this is really playing on my mind at the moment.

Sorry to people reading this who are struggling to conceive or have sufferred a loss, I don't want to come across as ungrateful for the two happy healthy boys that I already have.

Thanks everyone.

I have 2 boys and we always agreed that we would only have 2 children and we have stuck to that.

Mostly I am perfectly happy with that but occasionally I do get a pang about never having another baby etc - I think it is worse when I hear of friends who have had one of each sex as it kind of highlights that I will never have a girl - although what is weird is that when I was pg with DS2 both me and DH wanted another boy but still doesn't stop me being at others who get one of each iyswim

As time goes on (DS2 is 2.4 now) the pangs are getting less and I realise that I really wouldn't want to go back to those 'baby' years after all.

Not much advice but I do think it is normal to feel like this when you have made the decision.

I'm in the same position as you in the way that DH and I have 2 DC's, but opposite in that, after DC2, I was literally terrified of getting pregnant again, even though I had 2 good pregnancies and births.

I decided to get sterilised as I couldn't even bear the thought of having another.

If it is any help i feel exactly the same.Always said i would have 2.I have 2 DD's aged 4 and 14m and i just yearn for another although like you,just dont know if it is practical to have another.

My DH says he would have another if we could
guarantee a boy (although he does stress he would be happy with a girl).He swings from saying it would be great to saying he is happy as things are....so confusing!
I go between feelings of being happy with what i have to thinking i dont want to get old and deeply regretting not going for it.

My thinking is you would never regret having another child but you may regret not?

You do say you are feeling as time goes on that you wouldnt want to go back to the baby years so perhaps it is just sadness that they are growing up?
Good luck with whatever you decide!

Same position as you OP. I have 2, although one of each which doesn't make my decision any easier (for me personally).

Every practical thought in my head tells me 2 would make for an easier life, possibly even happier but I feel distraught at DD, nearly 15 months, growing out of babygrows, the 2 teeth grin, the drunk walk and all the mega cute stuff she does.

I have a 3 yr old (4 in May) DS also and I can see him looking more a boy than a toddler now (sad) which just adds to my torment!!
He isn't as cuddly with me anymore and Im getting some snippits of cheek . I want to stick him in a jar of pickle and keep him as he is .

What I was wondering though, is what is an older family like?

We know what it's like having these scrummy little ones toddling about making us laugh and wanting to eat them (in a nice way), but what will it be like with, say, 7 yr old and a 9.5 yr old.

This morning, we had our usual coffee together before DH goes to work and we watched them playing/fighting together and every now and then DD would toddle over for a cuddle or DS would say something really funny, but what do older children do and would 3 of them, be brilliant or a PITA.

I was imagining a 10 yr old DS, moaning because he wasn't allowed on the computer at 7.30am and 8 yr old DD gibbering on and on about what Hanna Montana kak she demands she will be wearing this morning.

Would we spend our day driving them to their clubs/classes and so (she finally gets to the point) would 3 of them be awful !

Im going to start a thread aimed at the older family and ask them what their typical saturday morning is like and hopefully all us broody mums of babies will get a good wake up call!!

Hope you don't mind me joining in here but I have a 7 year old DS and a 5 year old DD so mine are a little older :)

I have found as they get older they get much more interesting and fun to be with. And the freedom of leaving the house quickly and not needing all the paraphanalia that smaller ones need is great :)

DS in particular loves finding out facts about everything and sharing that with us and it is wonderful. DD draws and dances and bubbles along.

We don't do organised activities at weekends and both children tend to wake up later than sooner which is good. We will sometimes have slobby weekends bit also go on outings etc. DS will tend towards wanting to vegetate on the sofa but can usually be persuaded out :)

Hi OP, I really feel for you, I have spent a long time thinking about having a third. My two boys are now 5 and 2.

I think it really must be a lot to do with hormones and sadness at not having another baby. Now my youngest is 2 I can really see the light at the end of the tunnel. My oldest is at school now and I love being with him now he is older, we can talk about anything and he is such fun.

I used to feel a pang when people around me had a third, but the most recent time I heard that news I just felt sheer horror at the thought of going back to babydom!

Life is truly better for me as they get older, I love my oldest almost more now than when he was a baby because now I know who he is (if that makes sense!) I can't wait to get to know them more as they develop into little men, and really don't have cravings for a baby anymore.

Thanks everyone for your kind words, and especially to those of you with slightly older children. Life does sound fun!

I think it probably is my hormones clouding my judgement a bit. The boys are such fun, but so full on. They never sit still or stop talking and by the end of the day I'm totally exhausted. How on earth would I manage if there were three of them? Serious respect to those who do!

I suspect that like you ceebeeb and kitpuss the feeling of longing for another baby will lessen over time and I am really looking forward to them getting a bit older and becoming little people with ideas, opinions and dreams that they can articulate. Today after tea we were all cuddling on the sofa, one child on each parent's lap and I saw it as a really lovely, complete picture.

Did you get any words of wisdom from older families quickchat?

It would be sad to have feelings of regret later in life at not going for number three, but then I guess I can just wait a while and enjoy having baby grandchildren. And then hand them back at the end of the day!!

I have a feeling I'm going to go on breastfeeding DS2 for longer than I did DS1. Not quite ready to say goodbye to that just yet.

Happy families everyone. We're so lucky aren't we.

I didn't get one answer emma!! Must have been too boring a title.

I will try again.

It is hard when they turn one. I stopped feeding DD at 1 and then missed it. I hated seeing her daddy (who is already a big favourite) feeding her a bottle in the morning!

I just love babies but I hope it does fade over time.

I also have that feeling of what if I regret not having another too.

Im sure the decision will be made in time one way or the other but it does leave you feeling like you can't move on.

I didn't see your thread quickchat or I would have answered :) Although I did answer on here as well.

I feel the same. I have DS1 who is almost 7 and DS2 who is 11.5months.

I don't want any more kids, and I hate being pregnant and yet....

I think it is just getting past the phase of my laught which has been about pregnancy and little babies and toddlers.

DS1 is a delight now, no work at all and it is so much more fun, was quite a shock to go back to the baby stage.

But newborns are just scrummy and those first few moments after giving birth are addictive to me, it is just such a high.

'phase of my life'

That's exactly it morloth - I'm addicted to babies and the euphoria of giving birth. That must seem totally bonkers to some people. And it's certainly not a reason to have any more kids is it!