14 month age gap - practical advice please

[Eclair69]

Hi I have a son of 1 year and baby due in April - so there will be approx 14 month gap. I would appreciate any day to day advice/support re coping daily with 2 very young babies from other mums who are or have been in a similar situation. As so far most people react negatively with ' it will be very hard work and it will be a real slog; good luck with the divorce or more fool you' type comments. However this is really starting to get me down as my husband and I chose a small gap because we met in our 40's and I had always been told medically I may have difficulties conceiving - so we are thrilled to being having a second baby. We are both realistic and know it will be very tiring at times but I just feel very lucky to have had one healthy child and hopefully another healthy one too.Quite honestly after having negative comments about being divorced and childless for years ( I come from an punjabi/indian culture where marriage & kids are the be all and end all) I am reaching zero tolerance . My husband and in-laws who are english are very supportive but I guess i'm fed up hearing all the same old comments now.

Well, I haven't had two that close in age but I can see some big advantages to it. For a start (hopefully) your first child will still need lots of sleep, and hopefully is still in need of a daytime nap or naps. Therefore you get a break from your older child and can focus a bit on the baby. When kids are more widely spaced (and this is true in my case) it is hard having an older child on the go all day and managing a baby, trying to instigate some routine for the smallest one, etc.

Like I say though, I'm not speaking from personal experience, but sort of hypothesising...

I had 3Dcs in 3 years. It was completely exhausting but there are lots of plus points as well. There was no sibling rivalry or regression at all. Now they are all a bit older they play brilliantly together and are happy doing the same activities. Just enjoy your kids and accept that your house may be a bit chaotic - my personal low point was lying on the bathroom floor(V bad morning sickness with DC3) while DC2 poured DC1s wee filled potty over his head! Oh and if you manage to coincide nap time for both put your feet up and do nothing!

mine are slightly more apart 17 months but generally i think small gaps can be really nice, it may be difficult at times but like others said there are some advantages like both still napping, into the same things once they are slightly, can treat them quite similar in terms of routine and hopefully they will grow up close.
just get a good double buggy as that will make your life much easier but hopefully it should be fine, and you will cope with it because once you have the 2 of them you have no choice they need looking after so you just get on and look after them. im sure you will be fine. if its difficult some days, just remember its not going to last forever, they do get bigger and things that are difficult over time become easier and in the long term having this kind of age gap is going to be lovely, and as you say having the 2 of them is a blessing anyway so personally i feel no need for people to just try and focus on the negatives and make out oh that age gap will be a disaster. just tell them mind their own business, and look forward to your new baby and seeing their sibling relationship develop.

is your older one walking or not? if he is newly walking when you have the 2nd one i found the backpack reins thing quite handy for mine (he was 17 months but a late walker so had been walking not more than 2 months) as that way they can't escape and run off while you getting the baby out the pushchair or anything, cos children that young do not have much sense so it can just be useful to have. my other tip is just that i found it really helpful to get out the house a lot and keep busy with the both of them, if things are difficult its always easier with company around and gives you chance to have a bit of chat and some adult company rather than being overwhelmed with babycare and sick of your same 4 walls

goodluck and congrats, im sure you will be fine

Congratulations!

Mine are 16 mths apart and like you I had lots of 'are you mad' comments which made me worry about how'd I cope and also whether I would be able to love DC2 as much. But it's all worked out fine...here's a few thoughts -

• the first 3-6 months were physically tough but once the new baby is in a routine, you're getting more kip and feeding less then it gets much easier

• a 14mnth old will not be in the midst of the 'terrible twos' so you may not have to cope with too many tantrums/unreasonable behaviour whilst coping with a new baby.

• both DCs will sleep during the day, if you can coordinate this you can get a break or at least some 1:1 time with each of them

• I've had v little rivalry between mine and they're now starting to play really nicely which takes the pressure off me to entertain all the time! They also now play with the same toys so it's mostly easy to cater for both of them.

• don't underestimate how tired you are in pregnancy when looking after your DC1 so you might be quite surprised at how good you feel!

• a double buggy is a god-send as Firawla has said

• if you'll be breastfeeding you'll discover that you can do this standing on your head whilst building a megablock tower and cooking sausages

Good luck!!

My gap is 19 months so a bit different but I've found it great, exhausting but great.

The Nipper 360 double buggy is lovely and light, 10kg, spins on the spot, can be pushed with one hand so you can hold a walking toddlers hand if you want them to get exercise.

DD doesn't recall life before DS (now 9 months), they both still nap, they both enjoy the same toys and playgroups and I am hoping it gives them a good shot at being close in other activities as they get older.

It's quite mad at times but no more than having two would be anyway - there are many positives and I hope you really enjoy watching your two relate to each other. DS watches DD all the time and grins like a loon at her, she in turn wanted to cuddle him this morning, and yesterday was learning about taking turns as he has just mastered crawling after her.

Hi, my 2 sons are 14 months apart - the oldest is 16 months now, the youngest just turned 9 weeks. It has been tough, especially the first 6 weeks, you don't have the luxury of resting during the day like with the first one. But we are getting used to that. The upside is that DS2 seems a lot more relaxed! He has already started to fall into his own routine and is now sleeping much better than the first did - he only feeds now at 11pm and 3pm. DS1 is absolutely adorable with his little brother - there is no jealousy whatsoever. He dotes on him and is fascinated by him.
At first it was daunting to get out of the house and it takes a few attempts before you get good at it.
Also, I feel more relaxed with DS2 as bringing up DS1 is still fresh in my memory, so I pick up sleep cues more quickly and understand his cries much better than the first time. We also slot DS2 into the same routine as DS1 where possible - for example, bath and bedtime is the same and they bathe together already, so they're both in bed by 7 and we have the evening free (usually!!).
If you have help available take advantage of it as there will be days that you need a break! My oldest goes to his grandparents once a week so its nice to have bonding time with the little one and to not have to think about activities and lunch etc for the eldest.
The thing that has been toughest is that the oldest is teething so he's quite grumpy and has been waking in the night. But you know what - that's all part of being a parent! I can't wait to see my 2 boys grow up together knowing they will be especially close.

I have a 17 month age gap and i still get comments of 'poor you'. I have two healthy children thank you! As long as you expect chaos for the first six months you will be fine. Forget housework, try to get them to nap together so you can nap with them. I breastfed DD2 in a sling so i had my hands free for DD1 which worked wonders (in fact DD2 still lives in her sling at a year).
One pratical thing that really helped me was to ask people to provide a freezer meal instead of a baby gift (having two girls I had everything I needed). I managed to get two weeks worth of meals out of family/friends and a chore rota {I'm cheeky) which gave me two weeks to adjust.
My girls are incredably close and DD1 is very protective of her sister. Activities are easy as they both are into similar activites wheras I have a friend with an 8 year age gap who struggles to find family activites where one child isn't bored.
Good luck!

I have two sons 14 months apart and they are now 3 and 2 years. It is full on and extremely busy but it is great. I found the first year to be just lovely. I agree with Ridingthewave - she has made some very valid points.

Enjoy them both when they are still babies. 14mths is a gorgeous age and my DS1 was so indifferent when DS2 arrived which made the experience so much easier.

They are at each other now but I treat everything as a 'phase'.

Don't panic and enjoy every minute.

OP - Good on you, I have been looking for a post like this, I am 22 this year but despite age being a factor, I really want my DC's close together, I have a 5mo DD, and i absolutely love motherhood.

I hate it when people say negative things but to be honest, al they have is their opinions, its down to you how you want to bring your children up, age gaps etc. and mother knows best.

I believe it'll be tough a tmes but most definitely worth-while, beautiful memories, and two beautful DCs.

I want to have another like this age gap (my only concern with opinions, is what m wrk will say - as they mademe feel like crap when i fell for DD1!)

anyhoo...

Good on you! Im glad hee are other mummies out there with close ones, I want to join the crew!

Hello everybody, firstly thank you all for your very helpful and useful tips and comments - am feeling much more positive:

Narmada - DS1 still naps in the day sometimes so hopefully I will be able to have a kip while they are both asleep.

Kfitz - You put the a big smile on my face,I'm so glad to hear you still keep a sense of humour. I've just over 4 weeks to go so trying to nap during the day if DS1 falls asleep. It is really refreshing to hear that it is possible to enjoy life with 3 so close together.

Ridingthewave - So glad you pointed out that it can be more tiring while actually pregnant looking after a such a young baby - I hope that once i've had DS2 I will have more energy and will feel more able to cope with the everyday routine. Also just looking into a double buggy. I think earlier in the preganancy was easier as I had the energy to do lots of walking but this last month has been physically hardwork. Also glad the first 3-6 months are in the spring summer which should help me get out and about more.

Lovethe sea - Really looking forward to seeing both DS's together as eldest does enjoy playing with out friends son who is about 14 months older.

Mrsmcgeever - yes will be taking advantage of as much family help as I can, my husband loves DS1 but he has had a bad back since before christmas and my in-laws are terrific. I guess apart from the first 3 months after having DS1 I've never actually been this tired permanently and also having picked up every bug going under the sun was a double whammy.

MonkeyandParrot - thanks for your tips, I will ask for freezer meals as eating rubbish meals after having DS1 definitely sapped my energy. Though I have been making an effort to cook from fresh most days now. Can you tell me which sling you use, because I bought one last time but couldn't use it for more than 20 mins at time and am feeling overwhelmed by the choice.

Ginabaz - thanks I think I will be using 'it's just a phase' as my mantra but hopefully the joy of seeing two together will get me through the 'phases'.

Dozeyland - I really appreciate your support. Overall I am very happy to be having DS2 but the hormones must kick in sometimes as every so often - I do feel overwhelmed but will be delighted to see our new baby in 4-5 weeks! Good luck with having no.2 , you have to do what your happiest with - age doesn't really come into it, it's more how much you will love the babies.