Don't know where to turn for help

[OdyMandrell]

I am deeply unhappy at the moment. DC2 has been really difficult since DC3 was born (21m ago) and I seem to spend every day feeling frustrated,furious, helpless and guilty. And I cry a lot.
I can't (or choose not to) share any of this with DH as the last time I did he told me in no uncertain terms that he was sick of listening to me moaning every day. The crapness of my marriage is making me so miserable. Maybe I'd be able to cope better with the day-to-day stuff if I felt more supported by DH. I feel very alone.

Didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds as though you really need to be able to talk things through. Here's a good start, but in real life too. What about someone neutral like a counsellor?

Nobody should have to spend every day feeling like that.

Thank you nellyjane. I had thought someone neutral like a counsellor might be a good idea. Thank you for adding a message.

I have a frined whose mariage was a bit rocky when her DD was 12 months old, her DS was 5. She was angry and resentful of her DH because he never helped out at home - she worked FT and so did he - but she had to do everything at home including mowing the lawn! - when her DH got home he slept or went out. Unfortuantley she didn't talk to her DH but was so miserable that her DD picked up on it and was a nightmare to deal with. She eventually couldn't deal with anymore and wrote her DH a very long letter saying exactly how she felt (probably not the best way to deal with it - but she couldn't talk to him without getting upset and losing her train of thought)he reacted badly and said he didn't think he loved her anymore and thought he should leave, she said they should try and sort it out, for the sake of 15 years together and 2 DC's. She tried so hard for the next week - he did not - she verbally blew up at him and he realised what a pratt he was and they got themselves back on track.

Their DD's behaviour totally changed once Mum has feeling happier.

I apprciate your situation re marriage is totally different - but DC's behaviour can be representative of your feelings.

Counceling might help, can you talk to your DH about the marriage? and not talk about the DC's as they probably aren't the root cause.

Sorry if any of this is blindingly obvious to you already - but it wasn't to my friend until after she felt happy again.

Good luck.

Im sorry your marriage is going thru a bad patch. But I do agree that your dc's behaviour is prob a reaction to how you are feeling. I was very unhappy for quite some time and stressed as a result. I have taken some time off from work and since I have started looking after myself and dealing with whats going on with me my children are infinitely happier and more secure. Ds2 wasnt even sleeping properly and 2 weeks after I finished work he started going to bed no prob and sleeps thru the night without an issue! I was/am feeling lost and trapped due to certain things but once I started addressing them and trying to work on them everything is changing slowly but surely. My DH was supportive but the changes that have happened in me were not easy on him either and I havent always been responsible for my own happiness either. Its very subtle but I think he is enjoying having his assertive, more independent wife back. We dont argue as much either as the resentment is fading the more I take responsibility. (eg.I felt that I had no time for myself etc but just realised that DH would organise a babysitter or just tell me he needed to do something now I just do the same. so he says he needs to spend sat morning cycling - thats fine I will be out sat afternoon!)There are loads of little things but counselling is a great way to start. If you can get clear in your head what is wrong, what you need and how you are feeling then you can begin to address them. Good luck! x