Stubborn 19mo DD2, could do with some advice please

[2littlegreenmonkeys]

DD2 is quite stubborn and very clingy with myself or DH. I am a SAHM and DD2 wants to be attached to me all the time while DH is out at work.
Obviously it is not at all practical for me to carry her around or to sit her with me all the time as I need to do everyday things and also see to DD1.

As soon as I put her down she screams, so I ignore her and keep calm and just get on with things that need doing.

As soon as I am out of the room and she cannot see me she will stop crying/screaming/whining etc. As soon as I come back she starts again. It is not somthing that has just stared she has been like this for about 9 months now and I am at my wits end.

The only time I get a brake from her is when she is napping or if DH is home, but then DH also need time to do things so the cycle starts over again.

We have tried distraction, ignoring her, comforting her, picking her up on a rare occasion that she isn't screaming/crying/whining.

Today for example DD2 woke at 7.30am as she does most mornings, cried/whined & screamed. I changed her nappy and gave her some juice and her breakfast which she ate while intermittently whining. DH went off to work, She whined, I got the toys out and sat and played with DD1 and DD2, DD2 whined. By this time my head hurts.
DD1 just has to look at DD2 and DD2 does this screeching scream thing that makes me want to rip my head off. I try to ignore the noise but after a couple of hours of it I admit I snap. There is only so much I can listen to.

I put DD2 in her room for a nap, she goes to sleep fine and for a couple of hours, I make DD1 (3.3 yo) go to her room and play just so I can get on with tidying, washing, cleaning, getting some dinner for myself. Then it all starts again until DH gets home.

He is at Karate tonight, my night at the gym tomorrow (wooooop) I am exasperated by it, and to top it all off DD1's behaviour is awful at times. Yesterday she had her first ever tantrum in public and I was so embarrassed. I am so tired and dread the new day starting as I know I just wont cope.

How do I deal with DD2 incessant whining. I have no RL help, DD1 goes to nursery two days a week. DD2 is home with me all the time.

Could you get DD2 into a creche for a morning a week? I'm not sure how you stop the clinging whilst you're both at home and learning to deal with a morning away from you and the home might help with this? It will also give you time to recharge your batteries if you can do this whilst DD1 is at nursery.

I'm a SAHM too, and I have 3 boys. When DS3 came home the oldest wasn't even 3. I put him into montessori for 2 mornings to give me a bit of a break and then when DS2 was old enough I did the same with him, which allowed me time to focus on DS2 and get some chores done. I always went to the local baby and parent group so I encouraged them to socialise with other children and the montessori gave them their own space away from me. (and vice versa!)

Sounds good I think I will go the parent and baby group way as I don't have any spare money to put DD2 in one morning a week.

She has been okay today but we have been out most of the day so she has had other things to take her mind of me lol.

Thanks.

It's hard to show your child they can be independent of you. The group I went to was very good for allowing mothers their own time to chat and have a coffee whilst the children got to know each other.

Creche is expensive, so see if you can find an activity like the parent & baby group each day.

Invite friends round who have children. Once the children are interested in each other and keep each other amused - you'll find a bit of space for a chat between yourselves. An older child is great for this as the young ones always idolise them.

I always took the boys out in the morning to give them an activity and then had a 'quiet' afternoon. No visits or interuptions so they could have their naps and maybe a bit of a book, dvd or play time.

Is she teething? Does she talk? Maybe she's frustrated st not being able to communicate. Can you spend half n hour a day just sitting with her, letting her play and being guided by her. So she gets focussed attention in a positive way. Also try telling her what you're doing and when she's whining, try and guess what it is and respond - so DS when he whines for say, a snack, I'll say "you want a snack?" then yes or no. Stops him complaining while he realises I understand him then I distract if he can't have it.

Is she teething? Does she talk? Maybe she's frustrated st not being able to communicate. Can you spend half n hour a day just sitting with her, letting her play and being guided by her. So she gets focussed attention in a positive way. Also try telling her what you're doing and when she's whining, try and guess what it is and respond - so DS when he whines for say, a snack, I'll say "you want a snack?" then yes or no. Stops him complaining while he realises I understand him then I distract if he can't have it.

She can talk a bit, well she says mumma, dadda, and can say her sisters name and ask for my dad (gra gra) lol

She has started to show me more things that she wants, so if she wants a snack she points to the kitchen. She can communicate to an extent but maybe not as much as she wants to. She is being investigated for slight hearing loss (in the family I wear 2 hearing aids myself due to degenerative hearing loss)

I think I have to bite the bullet and go to a P&T group (I hate them) DD2 does like to be around children a similar age to her. My niece is 5 months younger than her and they play lovely and get on very well. I may have to drag SIL with me to a P&T group lol.

Yes I know what you mean about P&T groups!