Morbid? Or just being a parent...

[ShushBaby]

Often I find myself looking at my 1 year old and being starkly aware of how much I could lose. It makes me fearful. I feel I've just placed my heart into this little vessel, and now I'm at the mercy of fate.

My sister died several years ago, very very young. I felt much the same about her as I do about my baby- fierce protectiveness, sheer joy at being in her company, the sense that she's almost too precious, too fabulous to be true.

I haven't reached the point of constant anxiet about my dd, but I can see it coming if I'm not careful. I don't know how I'll cope as her independence grows, but at the same time I know I can't protect her all the time. I'm just painfully aware of how quickly and easily precious things can be snatched away.

Is this to do with the loss of my sister, do you think, or is this the price you pay for being a parent? How does anyone else cope with this?

Sorry for maudlin post.

it's not maudlin - I, too, look at my baby and think about how utterly devastated I would be if anything were to happen to her. i think it is a totally normal reaction, but in your case, I would be a bit wary of it tipping over into over-protectiveness given your sister (I'm very sorry about that). I really just try to live in the moment and really take in each minute and lovely times together. I'm trying to write a diary of lovely things every day - maybe this would be a nice thing for you to do?

I think I try to do everything reasonably possible to protect her. By that I don't mean going round yelling at every dc in the playground who's upset her (I know one mum that does that). But just trying to teach personal safety, not leaving her out of her depth, teaching her coping strategies, standing up for her when I need to (if somethings not going right with her learning for example).

I think most parents feel a bit like this. Sometimes bad things happen to our little ones and we feel terrible. But i guess it's all a learning experience. The near misses tell us we need to be more careful.

Sorry to hear about your sister. I think it is part of parenting to feel like this. Maybe it will be harder for you to keep things in proportion but the fact that you recognise it is a very good sign.

Thanks for your kind posts. I think I would be this way anyway- I was like this about my sister and other siblings (but that in itself makes me think, irrationally: "and I was right to worry, wasn't I?"). And I'm sure all parents feel like this to some extent.
I think it is about not dwelling on it too much and trying to reign in my anxiety.

I just find that I can't bring myself to say "when she starts school" or "when she grows up". I can't assume I'll be so lucky.

ps haggisfish a diary is a great idea

I think it's something most parents feel, but probably heightened by the loss of your sister. I lost my mum and brother when I was a child, and I do find myself very scared of something happening to DS, or to DH or me.

I feel the same, OP, even without losing someone close to me...
:( about your sister
I'm coping with it in a very similar way to yours, I try to bring my anxiety under control mainly by not dwelling on it, and I often tell myself off for being such a worryer... (I also worry about a lot of other things!)
Hope for the best, I say to myself, I'm sure we'll all be OK! :)

I have this problem too, and am definitely in danger of letting it overtake my life. I try to remember that everyone is in the same boat, none of us want a hair on our children's head to be harmed. And I try to live by the mantra, 'Sometimes terrible things happen. But mostly, they don't.'

hi there,

it is a toughy. I feel the same to some extent. I think I would have been like that anyway, but it is exacerbated by the fact that DS was ivf, and then was very ill as a little baby. In a way keeping busy looking after him, and the sheer joy of his company distracts me from it. I hope it is the same for you, if you feel that it is overtaking your life with her you need some rl help. So sorry about your sister.

I feel the same and have never lost anyone close to me.

I am so much more affected by any news about terrible things happening to babies and my DH will just turn to me now and say "shall we go and look at him sleeping" as I sniffle my way through the news.

The pure, fierce love I feel for him is really quite overwhelming and slightly unexpected.

I feel like this too. I have never lost anyone close to me but it is my greatest fear due to my 'mother' disowning me when I was 4, I have always had this fear and remember having nightmares about my whole family dying when I was young.

I am terrified of anything happening to my DCs. I am dreading them getting older and being more independant. I am also very wary when DS is out with other people, even DH. DS is 3 and I haven't let him go out with anyone other than DH, my GPs and ILs, I did let my brothers take him to the park last year. I know I need to let go a bit more but I have this fear that no one will watch him as much as I would.

Sorry about your sister .

I feel the same OP. I think it's just because we love them so much :).

So sorry about your sister.

I do know what you mean OP. I once described it to someone as feeling as though you lose a layer of skin when you have a child. You just feel everything so much more.

Sorry about your sister, that must make things too much harder.

PS I do also think that if feelings like this did start to take over one's life and affect day to day behaviour it would be worth a visit to the GP. As I say, I think they are normal but if greatly exagerated they could also be a symptom of depression. Not aiming that just at you OP but for anyone else reading this too.