Sudden terrible behaviour in DS - tips for handling needed

[JarethTheGoblinKing]

He's 3.3 now, and up until about the New Year he's generally been a happy, well-behaved little boy.

For the last couple of months his behaviour has got steadily worse and worse, and as I've never really had to deal with a naughty child before, I don't know how to do it!

He's awful to other children that he doesn't know, tells them to go away, shouts at them, pulls faces and pushes them. Yesterday threw sand at a little girl who must have been half his size, just because .

Naughty step does nothing, and actually seems to make things worse (it's OK as a threat sometimes, but as a punishment is an utter waste of time).

He just doesn't seem to know/care that he's upsetting other children... it's horrible to watch

:(

sorry, that should read 'just because she was standing to near to him'..

I remember DS1 going through a "pushing" stage - and I'm afraid we cured him by giving back a little of his own medicine...

We pushed him unexpectedly when he was in his room - so he fell on his bed (nice soft landing!). After he had howled in rage we sat him down and explained to him that this was he was doing to other people and that now he'd seen it wasn't nice, he needed to stop.

It worked - even though I'm sure that there will be a lot of Nanny 911 do gooders saying that it was cruel!!!

Thanks for replying. I reckon pushing him back would just make it worse in his case. I'm secretly wishing one of his friends would flatten him after his horrible behaviour, he might figure out then that it's not on!

I could cry though, I really could (and very nearly did yesterday!)

I know it's really hard - the important thing is that you care enough to be trying to do something about it. Maybe it would help if you could sit him down and tell him that now he's 3 he's a big man and that's why Mummy wants to talk to him like a big man. Perhaps tell him that him being cruel to other children is making you sad and that it's not nice being sad, because you love him so much and you know that he's not really a naughty boy. Maybe even touch on the fact that he will lose his friends if he keeps being horrid to them as they too will be sad if he's naughty.

Just remember that you love him and that's why you're so upset by his actions and the fact that you're trying to do something about it is brilliant.

Thanks, that does help :)

I was SO angry with him yesterday, gave him the biggest telling off of his life, and he basically sat in silence in the car fr about 45 mins (unheard of!) so something must have gone in.

Realised today that he's started being horrible to his own friends, even his 'best' friend who he's know since birth! they fight like you wouldn't believe!

I wonder if it's anything to do with pre-school - he moved up to the next class a couple of months ago, didn't click til just now, but the timings are right.. I guess he's seeing this behaviour there. He constantly mentions one particular boy who's 'naughty all the time'

bumping in the hope of more wisdomous replies

Last bump..

you've never heard of toddler tantrums ?

when he behaves like that, remove him immediately, apologising to other parent / child - take him somewhere quiet, get down on his level and tell him firmly that is not OK

every single time, without fail

what do you mean naughty step makes things worse? plonk him down firmly don't let him move - don't count if he's shrieking and explain that he can get up in 3 minutes

I have looked after children for nearly 30 years, nanny for 10 then had my own and my oldest is 22yrs.
So am speaking with some experience.
You need to be on his case (as it were) so that everytime he does anything like pushing, hitting, etc, you step in straight away , get down to his level and look his seriously in the eye ; and say
"You do not hit, punch Billy, it is bad behaviour"... "If you do it again i will take you home/away from the play area for time out/or not buy you the lolly pop you wanted" etc etc.
Stick by your word and carry it through. Whichever withdrawal of treat, privalege seems appropriate.

No matter how hard he screams and cries, carry through what you have threatened.
Dont give in.
Maybe try the naughty step again, and MAKE him stay there no matter how loud he screams. Put him back there, time and time again, until he stays put.
Be very clear the boundaries of what is bad behaviour, and dont let him get away with pulling faces, sticking his tongue out etc,
Tell him clearly that he does not do this, it is not nice.
Say all this in a very firm serious voice, no sweet sugary, sing song voice.
Sound like you mean business.!
When you see good behaviour really praise him , "Well done Ds , You are such a good boy, Mummy is really pleased with you " (Lots of hugs and cuddles)
He will make friends much more easily when he starts school if your discipline is there.

I think Supernanny is brilliant , and Nanny 911 on TV. I think their ways are right and very successful.
I know its not easy and so much easier said than done. But persevere, its a long road.
Wishing you all the very best. Good luck.

P.S. At first you will worry that your DS will dislike you for being firm /disciplining. He wont.
He will respect you for being a good parent and showing him the right way to behave. He will always love you , as long as you are firm, fair, but kind, and showing him lots of love too.

Yes, I've heard of toddler tantrums
This isn't a tantrum problem though, he's never really had them (handful of times at most). This is calm and just horrible behaviour. He'll scowl and point at a child that comes too close to him, if there's something to throw, he'll throw it.

I always sit him down, speak at his level, tell him it's not allowed. I attempt to get him to empathise with the child he's hurt/upset. I think I do these things anyway, perhaps I'm not being consistent enough.

When I say that the naughty step doesn't work I mean that he'll sit in it for a short while (until he's ready to apologise) but then it just doesn't stick, if anything his behaviour seems worse immediately afterwards. It then becomes a vicious circle.

Removing toys seems to be working (toy time out until he can behave nicely)

Hardest is when we're at home and he won't play/share/take turns with friends that have come over (and they are friends, rather than the children of my friends)

thanks for replying, like I said - I've never really had to do much to steer his behaviour in the right direction, but the selective hearing and the pig-headedness have caught me by surprise!