I am crap at doing weekends!

[starrychime]

Help, feel like the worst mum at the moment. When I went back to work after having DD(7) everyone said, ah you will really treasure your weekends now. Fact is I am CRAP at doing weekends. Today for example, DD crawls in and wakes me up about 9, fair enough, I could have been doing with a bit more of a lie in but she's crawling about on top of me, legs everywhere and I'm getting annoyed so up we get. Then her and I ended up lazing about, TV on, laptop on till about 3 when we got dressed Then went out for a walk to the library, but she's playing up so gets no books, in tears, me stressed. Round to shops, got us both a roll and chips - double which we ate walking home (nothing planned for lunch, this was an emergency measure and very tasty it was too). Now all this might not sound too bad but all this time I can feel a headache coming on which I ALWAYS seem to get at weekends - is it too much sleep (usually up at 6), is it constant bickering with DD? I work full time during the week and always think, right we will have a good time at the weekend but it always ends up crap. It's just me and DD and I feel we should be spending the time being close, doing fun stuff but it always ends in us having a crap day! House a tip as well and I always have big plans of DD painting, doing something constructive while I sort some of the housework but she ends up slouched in front of TV and I laze about and get nothing done and end up more grumpy. How do you "do" a good weekend?

My weekends tend to either be brilliant or shit, never just average.

Do you think perhaps you're perhaps putting too much pressure on yourself? Maybe if planned one structured thing for each day to stop you from feeling at a complete loose end and then just relaxed or did whatever you and DD felt like doing the rest of the time.

9am is a long lie!! Ds (4) is normally through by 7am even at the weekend and dd (7) follows shortly after. We normally do something as a family on a saturday and it alternates between swimming, bowling, softplay, etc. We then go out for lunch/dinner afterwards. Sunday is our lazier day and can sometimes involve baking, painting, etc.

I know how you feel, I think. I'm in a similar position in that I work fulltime in a stressful job, though I do have a SAHH. I think it is the fact that you place a lot of pressure on the weekend to be perfect and it is unlikely to live up to that. I find myself getting really irratable on a Saturday morning and then feeling terribly guilty for not being happy to be at home - although I am really iyswim. I know I find it hard to adjust to being at home instead of at work.

I find going out helps a lot, the earlier the better, though this is easier for me to acheive as my dc are younger and ds2 still regularly wakes at 6 . I do find mooching worsens my mood as I hang around noticing things that need doing that I can't be arsed to do and getting annoyed at myself for not doing them and, of course, the longer we're in the house the messier it gets anyway.

I guess at 7 your dd is old enough for you to ask her what she'd like to do and plan it together - maybe let her choose one 'special' thing to do each day like baking, soft-play or whatever. However, if she's anything like I was at that age she probably loves watching loads of telly and vegging - are you sure it's crap from her perspective too? Have you asked her?

Finally, I'd say don't be too tough on yourself. It's hard being a working mum (and every other sort of mum of course!) and it's unrealistic to expect every weekend to be perfect. Instead of expecting her to do craft, that she probably hates, and you to do housework that you hate, why not just get a dvd and chill out together?

Why don't you talk to your DD, find out what she'd like to do with you - e.g. cinema (often cheap tickets on Saturday mornings), museum/library, swimming, park, baking, painting etc. and spend a few hours in the morning doing that with her, cook lunch together, and then let her choose a film in the PM so you get a couple of hours of peace where you can catch up with your own stuff? I agree with the other poster, that if you've done one "constructive" thing in the day, you can chill out a bit after. When it comes to housework, can you give her a couple of easy jobs (e.g. matching socks, sweeping floor, stripping the beds) and have a film together as a treat/reward?

You say you're always bickering with her. Why is that? Are you solely responsible for DD every weekend? If so, anyone else about (good friend / grandparents) who can help you have a the odd free afternoon? It might take the pressure off a bit.

Just asked her if she had a crap day lecce and she said yes, because she hardly got any jelly (have posted on Chat about trying to make fizzy jelly which hasn't set yet but we have been slurping a bit!) She does love painting actually but the living room it such a tip I feel panicky at the thought of pushing things to the side to put down the mat and have wet paintings all over the floor. Likewise kitchen - tis like a game of Jenga on the worktops so the thought of baking is impossible just now. We do try and get out but she is such a ditherer I loose patience and end up having another cup of tea, she starts watching something on TV and before I know it it's mid-afternoon and I feel terrible at having another wasted day of my 'precious weekend'

Sounds like you need a clear weekend to tackle your house. Once you feel you've got some space to do painting/baking (whatever), then maybe you'll do it. Watercolours are great btw, they're loads less messy than poster paints. Why not try pastels too? You could put some fruit or flowers down and both have a go at still life, or self portraits in mirrors - might be a good laugh.

Sounds like you need to lay down the law WRT the telly. Can't you get a radio times, and get her choose 2 programmes she wants to watch over the weekend? Also, if she dithers, I'd just decide what to do and tell her. She's only 7, so there's nothing wrong with you deciding what the plan is.

Lagrand no grandparents or much other support, just me. We are going out with friend and her kids tomorrow so that will better - some motivation to get out of the house and I will get some girly gossip adult chat. Thing is when we're out I get twitchy at the thought of all I have to do when we come back - uniform, work clothes, dishes all needing washed etc and end up getting impatient and grumpy. Then when I do get home am so stressed and knackered that I get nothing done and so it goes on This is turning into a bit of a poor me thread, sorry

S'allright Starrychime. All the drudgery gets me down, and I've got a bit of support at home. Sounds like it's all got on top of you.

Any chance you could ask your friend to have your DD for a couple of hours on a Sunday morning, just to give you a chance to catch up at home? Or could you face getting up an hour earlier tomorrow and just biting the bullet? Make a list of what needs doing, and just try to get through as much of it as poss. I find it's better to get as much as poss done in the mornings, as I always hit a bit of sugar-low by the late afternoon and struggle to get much done from then on. (Bar feeding & getting them ready for bed!)

Don't think it would be unreasonable at 7 to expect your DD to help you out a bit - she could make her own bed, tidy her room, etc. You could do a chart and she could earn 20mn slots of TV if that helped motivate her.

Sorry if these ideas just sound lame. Trying to help. but you just wanted to vent and have some sympathy, am sending virtual hug too. Hope Sunday is better for you both.

Thanks - virtual hug appreciated Am quite a morning person actually so will try and get up and get some stuff done before DD surfaces!

I don't know if this would work for you, but I always found if I had planned anything we would mooch around most of the day then I would feel stressed and guilty about it. So now, I make sure I have something planned in advance; if we get out for the morning or afternoon, I don't feel bad about her watching TV/DVD while I sort out housework or just sit and read paper.

It will probably be easier when the weather is warmer as you will have more options of things to do that don't cost a fortune.

It sounds as though your environment is conspiring against you - I would definitely recommend getting living space sorted out, then it won't be weighing on your mind and making you feel more guilty and stressed.

Getting up at 8am is not so bad and you could do a lot with that extra hour.

But I know how you feel. There is something very intense about it being just you and her. Sometimes I enjoy it, but mostly it gets quite stressful because the attention is always focused on you. So I try to make plans involving other people/children as much as possible as we both seem to have a better time if we have other people around.

oops, I meant to say if I had not planned anything would mooch...

planning in advance definitely makes a big difference. we are the same if not planned we just end up wasting time around house, too much tv, getting dressed late etc and then you end up feeling annoyed cos you wasted half the day

I can highly recommend flylady.com for tips on getting in control of the housework.

I have always had a similar thing with 'wasting' weekends, even pre-children. I now plan one fun thing and one useful job - e.g. today we went swimming and I sorted out some books. That now means I feel the weekend hasn't been wasted, even if we do nothing useful tomorrow.

Does your DD play out at all? I let mine out now she's nearly 7, I sit where I can see her and she's only allowed on our front lawn and drive...but it's open and gives her a sense of freedom.

Was thinking about your situation last night. Any chance you could take a day of leave whilst your DD is at school to get really stuck into the clutter at home. If you could get on top of it, maybe you'd feel more in control. Sometimes it gets so messy here I don't know where to start, but it always feels better after.
Have a nice day :)

totally agree with lecce

don't have high expectations
make some popcorn
watch a dvd
or just hang out together

i hate hate hate housework and so time myself for each task, eg 5mins to put away clean clothes, 2mins to clear worktops - if you do it really quickly it's somehow not as awful.

I second the flylady suggestion. I resisted it for years as I thought it was too complicated, too American or that I just wouldn't do it but you can start very gradually & only take on what you feel up to, adding to as you go if you feel like it. I have taken some of it on board & I was pretty hopeless as I'm a SAHM & couldn't even manage my DS & the household without trying to work as well.

I can't have 'fun' if there is a huge pile of household tasks to get through. The knowledge that they have to be tackled eats into my brain and prevents me relaxing. DP thinks I am insane and can ignore chaos and confusion; this has been the main source of disagreement between us for a long time.

I understand your feeling of wasting the weekend really well. I dread Mondays if there are more things I need to do than there were on Friday. I also agree with posters who suggest it would be worth using some leave to get on top of 'stuff', you will enjoy your home so much more if it is sorted. I am naturally untidy so it's been a long haul to get myself to a state of mind where I tackle tasks as and when rather than leaving it all to accumulate.

Enlist your 7 year old, give her some choices of achievable things she can do to help, set up some rewards, (as posted above) and some rewards for you too!

Good luck and enjoy your day!

I have been feeling bad as well as my 5yr ols DS is only with me every other weekend im now 36 weeks pregnant. I feel so tired and exhausted all the time! Yesterday I cooked a breakfast/dinner had a tidy up did housework my DS played on his PS2. When I finished we did some painting then baking. After that I was soo tired he ended up playing on the PS3 which is in our livingroom. He played this for 1 hour or 2. I was tidying up again. My DP was busy all day. Me and DP took DS over to the park today for an hour and kicked the ball around took the dog. Were now at the point of what to do with him now? Can I play my games (PS2) in my room Im like er yes ok then. He has his own TV, DVD's and Games in his room he loves it in there but I feel like I have failed as a mum. I try to do something with him each day reading we talk and cuddle but feel I need to do more all the time just dont know what!?

this is unlikely, but something I really wish I could afford- can you afford a cleaner even for 1-2 hours a week? I think if someone came in on a Friday and cleaned up for when you get home from work- the weekend would start without that cluttered stressed feeling. I find I am much happier when the house is clean and tidy.

I second the suggestion of meeting up with other people with children and particularly if the mum/dad is a good friend of yours.

Lastly I reduced from full time hours when my dd was about 3 or 4 I think, because the nursery had said that my dd was upset towards the end of the days and like you, we were bickering a lot at home- she always seemed to be in a bad mood. It was a real turning point when she got to spend more time with me and just relaxing. Does your dd go to after school clubs?

About the headaches, do you normally break your working day up with drinks of water or cups of coffee/tea? I used to find I was getting headaches in the weekends because I wasn't following my usual work-day pattern of cups of tea at regular intervals followed by glasses of water - I was getting dehydrated because the day had less structure. Better now that I'm aware of it, I just make sure I keep to a similar pattern.