Birthday party Etiquette

[kattyo]

My twin girls are going to be four soon. Previous parties (joint) I've invited their friends from our antenatal group, plus mothers and (all younger) siblings, cousins and one or two other kids they know. Never more than eight or nine in total maybe five or six parents. Always nice.

HOWEVER

the kids now go to nursery three days a week. I've had to ask four friends from outside nursery and one cousin (I asked the baby and the big boy nephew to stay at home and we will celebrate another day). Then there are my two. Plus four they want from nursery.

BuT

there are two other girls in their age range at nursery. It's not that my two don't like them - it's that they don't know them very well. (they are only in on one daymine are in).

My questions are:

1. Is it ok to ask parents to only bring the invited child, and not siblings? I've said that if this is difficult (in terms of child care) I'm more than happy for parents to drop off.

One friend is a bit upset about this as she says her younger child (two) will be upset to miss a party. But while I udnerstand this - I feel it is my childrens party and if this younger sibling comes she will take up a place and I'll have to ask one less big child.

1. SHould I ask the other two girls from the nursery? Just because - if I don't it might cause bad feeling? I'm not sure it will - but just in case? They have never been to each others houses, been to each others parties (I have no idea when their birthdays are) but their lives do cross. I'm not friends with their parents, but I do see them about (I'm not not friends with them - we just don't really talk much. They seem nice).

1. They have a friend who asked them to a party last december, but they have seen nothing of since, and never talk about. I feel obliged to ask this little girls, but I also don't want to. Their lives have diverged so much. Is it ok not to ask? Smimiolarly, a mother on my street recently asked my two to a big party she had outside her home (around 20 kids) and we went. But my children have never even talked to her son. I don't want to spurn him - but I don't really want to invite him either (I'm happy to invite him out somewhere else with his mother).

I'd like no more than ten kids at this party, and maybe five adults or so. Otherwise it won't be fun. It will be chaos. I want my kids to enjoy themselves. The house is not that big.

Ideas please.

1. My friend put 'No siblings' on the invite. I was a bit surprised but left my youngest at home and it seems absolutely fine in retrospect.

1. No need to invite the other girls, imo. Social embarrassment factor seems quite low in this case so why bother.

1. Fine not to invite this girl too!

BTW, when my DD1 was 3 she had a biggish party and I invited a little boy who was often a bit mean because I felt uncomfortable excluding him. Big mistake - he made her cry twice and wouldn't give her the present he bought. Have always trusted my instincts since then because the most important thing is that your child has a nice time and you don't get overwhelmed with stress!

i think its weird if you get invited to a party that you assume that your 2 years younger sibling is invited? its very different a party for a 4 yr old and one for a 2yr old?

It's not that wierd as we were in the same anete natal group and every halloween and christmas I host (with the collaboration of others in our group) a party in my house with the antenatal kids, their siblings, and one or two of my kids friends. Parents come. It's always small, but very good. I think this party will be the first in our group where I have changed the format a bit. I did tell her that of course for the next halloween/christmas party everyone will be invited.
I don't feel that bad about it as my own nephews aren't coming. But I do feel a bit bad about it as I think it means she won't be able to come, and her husband is away that weekend and she needs the support.
(although, that said, I'm a single parent).

1. I think that the invitation is for the child whose name is on it, and parents shouldnt assume that they can bring siblings who arent invited.

1. I wouldnt worry either way about that - if you want to invite them it would be nice, but it doesnt sound like ou should feel obliged to.

1. I wouldnt invite either of those children.

Re siblings - as the children get to school age they will be inundated with party invites, and younger siblings just don't get invited, for all the reasons that you state above. It's just a fact of life that people have to get used to around this age, I really wouldn't worry about it at all.

Kattyo, it's just one of those situations when you have to get practical. People do get a bit funny about it and then they realise it is a good idea and do the same thing!

Just ask those that you want to invite, or more importantly friends of your DCs.