Police came to door

[hadtonamechange2011]

I'm really worried...

DS (8) was having a meltdown, refusing to get out of the bath. He said he wouldn't get out unless DP came in and watched him doing some trick. DP said no, he was busy (he was). DS started tantruming. DP and I didn't want to give in to him and his wanting to control us so we let him get it out of his system. We both got on with other things (DD's bedtime routine etc) in other rooms, calmly ignoring DS. DP told DS he could get out of the bath whenever he wanted but DS refused unless DP would come and watch him. DS got himself into a right tizz and was screaming 'let me out', 'I'm freezing', 'DP's name'.

After about 40 mins he calmed himself down, got out the bath and was fine.

30 mins ish later the doorbell rang. It was the police saying that someone had heard DS's screaming and shouting from outside (busy road) and called them.

Lone police officer was vv nice. He came into the hall where he spoke to DP and DS. I was getting ready for bed at the time so DP said I was out. He asked DP basic qs like names, address, tel, school, DOBs, place of work. DP said the PO seemed embarrassed. He saw him write down 'well looked after'. He told DS to do what he is told in the future and left with a 'have a nice evening'.

The thing is that if it was just this I'd just put it down to an embarrassing parenting incident and make a note in the future to not let DS be so noisy for so long.
But, 5 years ago there was a child protection investigation into possible physical abuse of DS by me. DS was examined by police doctor and video interviewed by social workers. I was never formally questioned or arrested. No evidence of any abuse was found (as there was no abuse) but I was left with the impression that some of the social workers thought that I was guilty but that they just couldnt prove it.

DS isn't on the CPR and I've had no contact with SS or police since.

But now, after tonight I'm worried that this whole can of worms will be reopened. Does anyone know if the police will automatically report this to SS? Will they do a follow up?I'm having visions of DS ending up in care.

I can't imagine a child being taken into care over a tantrum and a case that led nowhere. SS would only remove him if he were better off elsewhere, which clearly he isn't. I'm not sure if the police would pass it on, but as I understand they are supposed to, just for the records.

I am also in awe of the idea of a policeman telling ds to behave, every kid should get that!

Yes, they will alert ss who will prob send you a letter.... all standard

Been through this recently as dd had had police contact a few times ( teenager)

I'm sure all will be fine but why did your DP lie to the Police Officer in front of your DS by saying you were out? surely he could have just said you were getting changed, It doesn't set a good example to your son telling lies and could bite you on the arse if it's followed up.

@ hadtonamechange2011 :- I think the police will definitely send the info they recorded through to social services and that will go in your son's file from their earlier involvement. But think there is no chance social services will be considering applying for a care order. I think there would have to be quite a few "incidents" before that happened. I was going to say various things about your partner being asked where he and possibly you work!, but decided not to, other than to say it seems to be in line with the current typical child protection policy that adults are (potentially) guilty (of child abuse) until proven innocent!

Does your son have SN or is he just being a bit bratty at the moment? That sounds like one hell of a tantrum from an 8 year old!

God what a terrible situation for you OP.

When DS (now 14) was 4 he was being naughty getting ready to school. DD was in her highchair and being difficult. I had to get to work. It was one of those nightmare mornings.

I said "DS - put your shoes on". Nothing.

"DS - I've asked you to put on your shoes. Please do so." Nothing.

"DS - NOW!"

Nothing.

I picked him up and carried him into the hall with the intention of putting his shoes on, but because I was so angry, I dropped him. Right hard on his back. He went grey. He didn't cry. He went sort of limp.

Just typing this has made me want to vomit and cry.

He was absolutely fine, but I knew he needed to be checked over by a doctor.

All I could think about was how I had damaged his little body for the rest of his life and how he and DD would be taken away from us.

The hospital took more time sorting me out in the end. I was in absolute bits.

I was sure I would be on some sort of register somewhere, but I'm not.

I know this because a few years later I was asked to help at a holiday club and I had to be checked out. I was worried so I rang and enquired (I can't recall where I rang) and was assured I was fine.

Have you considered checking up what is held about you and your family? Surely you would be entitled to this under current disclosure information?

@ Ooopsadaisy :- Strange as it may seem, there is quite a lot of info one isn't actually entitled to. For example the report one's GP may well send to social services, if one did today what you did 10 years ago. And, as anyone who has requested info from the police re an incident will be able to confirm, there is a good chance that most if not all of the pages will be fully blanked out. The police computer printers must get through a lot of black ink cartridges. I would say the reason is they aren't allowed to reveal anything which may identify an informant and, time being of the essence, it is easiest to blank out most of the info!

If it's any consolation OP, my 9yr old DD has done this bath tantrum. Shouting and screaming for me to come and get her out when she KNEW I was sorting DD2 (4) out for bedtime. I did exactly as you did; ignore, calmly explain I am getting DD2 ready for bed. She is so stubborn that she sat in the freezing cold bath for almost an hour because she wanted to 'win' and for me to come in and get her out like a baby. I refuse to pander to her in any way when she's like that and often wonder if the neighbours think I'm mistreating her!

melvinscomment - yes, that makes sense about blanking out stuff.

You are obviously very informed about this process, is there anything the OP can do?

@ peeriebear :- If social services had received several reports they, or the police, would probably come to check, but I think the list of reports and visits would have to be quite long before social services considered taking any action to protect the child.

@ Ooopsadaisy et al :- Also strange as it may seem, there is absolutely no chance whatsoever that hadtonamechange2011, or anyone else who receives a similar visit, will be able to find out who informed the police or social services or the NSPCC. There was a law case where the NSPCC received a report that a mother had been harming her child. The NSPCC inspector came round. The child was fine. The mother asked the NSPCC who had informed them, ie made the false allegations. The NSPCC refused to say. The case went all the way to the House of Lords who said words to the effect if the identity of informants is revealed there will be no informants, so it was OK for the NSPCC not to reveal who the informants were. Same applies to the police etc.

The police have knocked on my door maybe 8 times, re various minor incidents, and I can say that the vast majority of the Constables have been fine. In the situation described above by hadtonamechange2011 the Constable appeared slightly embarrassed. He may well have been thinking why do I have to ask this bloke these intrusive questions and he let the bloke see he had written in his notebook the child was "well looked after". A lot more worrying would be a visit from a child protection social worker, which could work out like this :- www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrS2qzk8S10

hi,

thanks for all the comments, it helped me feel slightly less panicked about worst case scenarios.

We haven't heard anything from ss, so hopefully that is the end of that matter.

BUT

We have now had a note from DS's school requesting a meeting with the deputy head. DS was naughty in class and was banned from playing football at school, but played it anyway and was caught and now has another punishment for this. He says the deputy head has said if his behaviour doesn't improve he will be suspended.

His naughtyness in class has consisted of: not doing what he is told, shouting out, being cheeky, talking when the teacher is talking etc, no violence or anything but I do feel very sorry for his teacher as it cant be easy trying to teach him.

I cant believe I'm having to deal with these kind of discipline problems with one of my DCs. Since he was little I've always 'followed the book' when it comes to discipline eg naughty step, reward charts, not giving idle threats etc. He seems to just have an obnoxiuos/abrasive personality which cannot be controlled. I dont know what to say to the deputy head. I know he must be a pita to teach but we are doing everything we can at home to try to get through to him that he has to imporve his behaviour.

IMO the school is too lax with him and let him get away with too much. I can see how this 'softly softly' aproach is suitable for some DCs but if DS is given an inch he will take a mile.

DP thinks we should go the the GP and get him to see a psychologist/psychiatrist. I've held back from doing this before because of the previous ss 'incident' but now I think unless we do something, he is going to get much worse.

HELP!