Need help to think of a suitable punishment for Dd1

[nutcackle]

Dd1 has been caught out telling lies. It's a long story, there is a thread in Education 'big school problem please advise'

Anyway I am at a loss as how to punish her cos tbh i am feeling like someone punched me in the stomach.

I am astounded at her behaviour.

At the moment all i have decided is that she must apologise to her teacher and the teacher she accused.

bump

How old is she?

First of all, stay calm. Can understand that you feel a bit like this is the end of the world, but it isn't, and it is something that happens a lot. (in my case it involved a note about some other girls in dd's class, forged handwriting and some whopping great lies to get someone else into trouble... I was in tears on the phone to everyone concerned as I tried to sort it out)

She must apologise, and she must endure the mummy lecture about honesty, but I really think that that is about all you can do. Will she be sufficiently upset to know how very, very disappointed you are, and that she has let you down?

I'm afraid I haven't read the thread so I am not aware of the nature of her lying.
How old is she?
Do you want to do one quick punishment (withdrawal of something special) or something that spans several weeks (like grounding).

Does she seem generally repentant and sorry?

7

sorry - that should have read genuinely

No she doesn't seem sorry, she doesn't seem to give a toss.

She says she's sorry.

I don't want a punishment that will drag on but I don't feel that apologising to those invovled is enough really.

Have already rung her grandad and insisted she has no treats this weekednm when we visit. He usually gives in but thankfully has agreed with me.

think you do need to punish her then. A strict talking to doesn't sound like it's going to cut it.

My DD is nearly 7. I would stop her from watching the TV and take away her favourite toy (currently pencil and paper!) for a set amount of time.

In that case maybe she has to do a bit of sitting on her own and thinking about it until she is sorry? Perhaps she could write a list of reasons why what she did was wrong?

Early bedtime?
No tv?

If she is being defiant and refusing to seem sorry, even if she says it, it might be worth changing tack and telling her how pleased you are that she told you the truth in the ends, and that you are proud that she did the right thing, because it would have been terrible for poor Mrs X if she had lost her job. Be pleased with her, and then she may be more prepared to drop her defence, and then get her to write letters apologising to Mrs X and the Head - and to you.
Then praise her for the letters.

I think early bedtime might be good, because she usually goes after the Simpsons so she will miss that too then.

Sounds like a good idea Blu.

I thought apologising in person would be better than a letter.

She goes to Brownies and ballet but I am loathe to ban those as I have already paid for this term.

Agree that she needs to say something herself, but she could hand the letter over and apologise as she did so?

But letter writing will engage her in some concentrated activity putting right (to some extent) what she did wrong. Then get her to deliver the letters to MrsX and the Head - she has to put them into their hands, and say 'this is to say how sorry I am' or something.

But it sounds as if she is trying to save face, which is why i would avoid long drawn out punishments that will only make her more resentful and unco-operative.

I remember it being really hard to admit the truth when I had been lying as a kid - give her credit for that, and the confidence to own up next time (which there will be, due to her age )

Don't think i'll ever believe a word she says again tbh.

Well you have tried everything before and it hasnt worked so may be it is time to come down hard but only for a short while . I have read your other thread and it must be really embarresing for you and hurtfull. You said about the cost of brownies and ballet and that you have already paid I personally think that it is worth banning theses for this week to show her you mean business and after all its only one weeks money .

This sounds really difficult nutcackle ... I hope you manage to find a solution.

I don't have much useful advice but I found a way to rumble DS and if he lies ... you DD may be a bit old for this but it works for us (DS is nearly 6)

We told him that when he lies his cheeks go red. So now he will say something and then immediately say, "Are my cheeks red?" PMSL ...

I think your situation is obviously more serious than a "No I didn't take a biscuit from the biscuit tin" type lie ... but one thing I will say ... once she has had her punishment (I think the letter and giving it by hand is a great way and as an ex - teacher I would say the school would appreciate it too) and if she shows real remorse you have to try to trust her again.

I went through a lying stage when I was a youngish teenager ... and was permanently grounded for my troubles. One of the things that was hardest for me was the disappointment in my dad's eyes. I hated the fact that I had stupidly lost his trust and as a result my life was seriously ruined (in a teenager's eyes of course). I worked hard to regain his trust and I think that is what mattered most in the end rather than not being able to go out and see my friends.
DH had a similar thing happen with him but he was older and it took 15 years for his mother to forgive him and trust him again. From what his sister said it destroyed him.

I know things haven't gone that bad and she is only 7 but please don't say you won't ever believe a word she says ...

Sending positive vibes to you