Staying with grandmother who smokes-suddenly terrified

[everybodysang]

I am taking my nearly 10 week old daughter to stay with my parents for 4 nights tomorrow. They came when she was 5 weeks old for a few nights but stayed in a hotel. My mum smokes. We don't allow anyone to smoke in our house, which she is fine with, she smokes in our garden. I asked her to make sure she washed her hands and changed her top after she smoked before she handled the baby.
In her house, however, there is no way she'll go outside to smoke - and even if she did she's been smoking in the house for years so it's already quite smoky. I doubt she will smoke when the baby is in the room, so that's not the problem, I'm just suddenly really worried about the residual smoke and chemicals. She sent soft toys for the baby which reeked of cigarettes, and she doesn't even smoke all that much.
Am I overreacting? I can't cancel the trip and I don't want my baby never to be at grandma's house... I just keep thinking of things like cot death risks. She's never smoked in the room where we will be sleeping and we will be out a bit during the day. Is there still a risk? Am I just being totally paranoid? How can I make it better?And will social services be called if I'm caught spraying my child with Febreze so she doesn't reek of fags?

Its perfectly normal to panic about things like this but I'd reccomend just opening the windows of the house to clear out the smoke and get some fresh air in. As long as your baby isn't being smoked around you should be perfectly fine just for those few days it is a small risk and really would probably be next to nothing if not nothing for those few days with no one smoking in the same room as the baby.

love the Febreze idea might be easier just to take baby for a nightly bath though and keep windows open in the room you'll be sleeping in to keep the air clear and fresh.

Hope this helps

My mum is the same, everything including Xmas and birthday presents always reeks of fags and apparently shd only smokes 5-10 a day! I hate it!
I'm asthmatic and whenever I have stayed at hers I have had problems and I always come away with everything stinking even though she doesn't smoke in front of me (she goes into the kitchen!) and it's for that reason dd (15 months) won't stay there, ds (11) hates the smell too so we stay at my sisters or will book a hotel instead...

I think you are over reacting, but I do understand

a few days in a smoky atmosphere is not ideal, but it won't damage your baby in the long term

as your baby grows, you won't always be able to control everything that goes on around your dd

make sure you get plenty of fresh air during the day

tbh, if you feel that strongly maybe you should stay in a hotel and not use your mum's hospitality

< am not a smoker btw >

Up to you, but to be honest I would not stay there. Are there any other relatives you could stay with and visit her? Or could you stay in a B&B. Possibly a bit drastic, but for me it would be a major issue.

I can understand how you feel-we changed rooms at a hotel recently as I didn't want my 4mnth old spending a night in a room that smelt of smoke. I know im on the over cautious side,but I think if I was worried and wouldn't be able to relax I'd stay somewhere else

I'd be overcautious too, and probably cancel the trip or invite your parents to your house just this one time, purely because of your DDs age. I saw a documentary that said 2-4 months is the most risky age for SIDS, so to stay in a smoker's house at that time would be unneccessarily stressful for all concerned.

Once she hit 6 months or so, I'd pack the febreze, wipe vicks under my nose, open all the windows and go and stay (although I'd probably piss off your parents by insisting they smoke outside, wash, change clothes etc)

I'd stay at a hotel close by just while she is a new baby and the risk of cot death is higher. I maybe over the top though? After a year I'd then think about staying with her but ensuring hands were washed etc.

No way I would be going. Both my mum and mil smoked and very sadly died before my dc were born but I always wonder how I would have got round this.
Very difficult but I wouldn't want to risk the health of my baby, or even having a baby smelling of smoke.

I think its totally wrong to smoke anywhere near a baby - but yes,..you are probably overreacting a bit. My mother smoked all the time she was pregnant with her 4 children - and we grew up in a house where bith parents smoked like chimneys - and did not often have a window open !
The advice is to never smoke near a baby but babies are not that fragile - I am sure your baby will survive a few days. I don't think you should go though if you are that anxious about it - and I think your Mum is a bit selfish if she cannot go outside to smoke while her grandchild is there.

Thanks for the replies. As I said, I couldn't really cancel the trip as my mum would have been devastated - we haven't always had a very good relationship and we have a kind of fragile balance now which I am reluctant to upset. Unfortunately nobody else to stay with and no money for a hotel.
So we came, and I've decided to update in case anyone else is in a similar position.
We're currently hiding out in the bedroom as the baby gets hysterical after a while in the living room. Mum isn't smoking in there while the baby is there, but is when she's gone to bed. Everything stinks of smoke and DD had very red eyes last night. Mine are stinging and my throat is sore, so I expect she's got a similar thing going on. I went out for a while today and while I was gone mum left the bedroom door open, so it reeked of cigarettes too. I've had the window open since then and it's better but I'm pretty unhappy about it.
So, I couldn't have cancelled the trip, but I truly wish I hasn't arranged it in the first place.
I feel like a really bad mother.

Oh god it sounds awful, I would leave now. You would never forgive yourself if your lo gets I'll from this. I know some are saying you are over reacting but you bloody well aren't.
I hope you get home soon.

my dd takes the baby to visit his gran,she smokes but when she knows they are coming she smokes out side,but you can still smell it on the babys clothes and blankets,and we were told that a smoker shouldnt handle a baby for at least 4 hours as the poision toxins from the ciggies,still come out on their breath,i dont know how true this is,but my friend who had a prem baby,her husband wasnt allowed near the baby for a couple of hours after smoking,so he packed in.

I think its a horrible smelly habit,and completely unfair on a small baby.

OP, you really need to chill out. Seriously. She is your baby's grandma. Just visit, let her see her DGC and chillax. My god by the time DC2 is born you will be thrusting the DC's on her for a rare as hens teeth night out, and smoke will be the LAST thing on your mind.

It really irks me that smoking is now akin to child abuse. It's not. It isn't great either but it certainly isn't worth all this angst.

I think you are overreacting tbh, nobody knows what actually causes cot deaths, obviously smoking anywhere near a baby would be irresponsible. This whole disinfecting yourself/changing clothes thing seems like lunacy to me, there are gazillions of chemicals/pollutants all around us.

Those implying it would be her fault if anything happened "god forbid if anything happened, you would never forgive yourself" need to get a grip. She has never smoked in the room you are sleeping in, which I think is an important factor, you will be out and about for most of the time.

I don't think you're over-reacting at all, OP. I would not stay with a smoker (with a baby or young DCs in tow), but I appreciate the difficulty of your situation. Funnys - no-one knows the cause of cot death, but they know that smoke around a baby increases the chances (which are still obviously small). Studies also show that an afternoon spent around second-hand smoke increases a baby's chances of developing allergies and asthma. So there are genuine reasons to be bothered by it. OP, perhaps after this visit, you could gather some statistics / leaflets etc. about it and discuss them with your DM. Make it clear that your concern is for your DC, and see if you can work out a way for your DM to spend time with her grandchild without exposing the child to harm. You are NOT a bad mother, just one trying to find the best way to deal with a bad situation. We all have to do that with one thing or another.