I don't know how to handle my dd's (6) emotions, please help!s

[peggotty]

She is sensitive and feels things very deeply. She's still crying nearly every day going into school (she's in year 1) and regularly gets upset about various things. I veer between thinking she's a complete drama queen and losing patience with her to thinking I am damaging her because I can't seem to say or do the right things to make her feel better. Tonight she's been in floods of tears because 1. I got impatient with her as she didn't want to go and play out in our street as some slightly older boys that live further up the street were already there playing football. 2. she doesn't want to go back to school because it means leaving me and 3. she's worried she'll be shy forever.

I admit I got impatient and a bit shouty about her not wanting to play out because these (perfectly pleasant, friendly) boys were already there. I apologised for it. I've told her loads that it's ok to feel shy and but that she has to try and be brave about trying things out. The crying at school thing is ongoing and the teacher tells me she is absolutely fine as soon as she gets inside. I just feel ground down by her strong emotions and at a loss about how to handle it. I doubt myself constantly.

The telling bit of your post is "I doubt myself constantly"

This is NOT your fault - but you sould under confident yourself. Is there a hobby you can take up together? Martial arts, or amateur dramatics maybe?

Forgot to add, tonight I gave her a 'worry book' for her to write down things in it that are worrying her - is this a good idea or will it just make her focus on things more?

purplepidgin, yes I am lacking in confidence myself which makes it nearly impossible for me to judge if I think I am doing/saying the right thing as my default thinking is that I am constantly getting it wrong...

The first thing is a simple equation:

Loving your child + doing your best = Best Mummy in the World.

Keep this in mind at all times. Your best doesn't have to be perfect, btw.

A worry book will help - how many millions of people keep a diary or journal? Or a blog? Psychologists recommend it in therapy sessions. You can look up emotional literacy on google for more ideas.

Do lots of fun things together that you enjoy and are good at, give lots of praise for trying (not just succeeding). Baking, sewing and craft stuff are good for this because you have physical evidence of how well you've done. Ring grandparents/aunts/uncles to tell them how well she's done "DD did this incredible painting today of a horse, I can't believe how talented she is..." Prime them first if you need to, then gush loudly and within her earshot

Thanks purplepidjin, she does love drawing etc and I think I am good at praising her mainly, although sometimes I get too caught up in worrying about her 'weaknesses' for want of a better word. What I want most of all for her is for her to be comfortable in her own skin, that's all. Something I am not, so I know how crippling it can be. I think I do sometimes project my own fears on to her and I find it hard to forgive myself if I think I have not been a 'good' mum. I have got it into my head that her sensitivity dates back to when ds was born - I really struggled, developed pnd and was really a crap mother for quite a while. I'm still too shouty etc. This does all sound me me me doesn't it?! But I do blame myself constantly. I wonder if a parenting course would give me confidence in myself as a mum?

If you do your best for you child then you are a good mum. My cyber-diagnosis is that you need to deal with your own confidence as a fantastic and caring parent as much as your daughter's shyness - she will grow out of that and into a strong and capable woman because she has your support. You are just as important as she is, and increasing your self-esteem will increase hers.

If you're anything like me, your own mum constantly undermines you - have you lost weight yet? Are you going to get promoted at work anytime soon? Such-and-such's daughter has just got engaged; when are you going to make me a grand-mother? etc (All her mates like me, btw - I work with adults with learning difficulties and love it, plus own my own home so not exactly failing!)

at 'cyber-diagnosis'. Yes you are absolutely right, I need to increase my own confidence. My mum doesn't really undermine me, but was never one for praise and I come from a very dysfunctional family in general!! Thanks for your advice and reassurance!