What do you do about facebook?

[mamateur]

We got permanent care of DN (13) last September. I have no experience dealing with teens (apart from my recent crash course that is ).

Just before he came to us he had some bullying on facebook. In fact it wasn't that bad but he never went back to that school (missed 3 months) despite me going in (with granny who brought him up till then) and talking to the school who did everything they could including having someone come in and talk to them about bullying and facebook etc. Frankly, it was a bit of a fuss over nothing, if he'd been made to go straight into school the next day it would have been over immediately. The school made clear to me that DN was just as capable of dishing it out.

So now we have him and after a long time away he's back on facebook. In view of what happened before (in fact even without it) I want him to either friend DP or me. We are not friends on fb so it would just be the one of us. Or give us the password. I haven't broached this with him yet but I imagine he won't be happy.

What does everyone else do?

It doesn't matter if he is happy or not, that is the rule.

Ds1 was only allowed on facebook at 14/15 on condition that we had his password.

Tough shit if he doesn't like it.

We did assure him that we would only be checking occasionally and he trusted us. He knows we are not interested in snooping but wanted to check his safety and how he managed what us an adult medium.

Having seen some of my nieces pages since my sister decided not to oversee their, I am very glad I did.

Yes, DSS aged 12 has his mum as a friend (though he has made her promise not to comment!). He has stopped actively using facebook after a bullying incident involving a friend. Makes me glad it wasn't around when I was a teen.

Good. DP thinks we should just not let him have an account - he's a young 13 in a pretty rough inner-london school and I can only imagine the sort of tripe that gets posted.

If we are facebook friends we won't be able to see his messages though - is that enough or should we insist on the password?

My dsd is 13 and she is only allowed facebook and msn if we have the password and pretty much my entire family are friends on facebook. That was the deal!

She is fine about it and we rarely check her messages... But we have been able to tell her to amend inappropriate statuses or comments whih could have landed her in a spot of bother...

Thanks, we 'going in' for the convo. THe problem is when he lived with granny she let him do anything he wanted, so our rules seem pretty hilarious to him..

Another here who has the password and is a friend altho a "silent" one! I do snoop from time to time and do comment to him if I see things he has posted that I do not think appropriate. Several adult family memebers are also friends and I do think that his acts as a slight dterrent to doing anything stupid!

Isn't 14 the age when you are allowed on facebook ?

My grandson is 14 and is on facebook - but only because he has his Mum and myself as a friend. If he hadn't agreed to that he would not have been allowed on. As it is, I am shocked at some of the stuff his school friends post on there. I often wonder if their parents are aware of what they are posting - and if not,..they should be !

It's 13, Davsmum. I hate facebook, it's a playground for cowards - I agree with Eileen above, very glad it wasn't around in my day.