Does my ds need this appointment or is he a normal 10 year old

[mindscape]

I have had alot of problems with him.
He is over sensitive cannot always play well with more than one child the slightest bit of teasing upsets him it does not take much for him to push a friend away and he will not want to bother with them again because of something daft they have done usually just normal childish commonplace things that children tend to do to each other or say to each other.
He is constantly complaining of feeling sick stomach ache, I have had him peading to not go to school becasue of smells from the school canteen making him feel sick.
The one day he refused to go into the school hall to do a school play because he said the smell from the kitchen next to the hall makes him feel sick.
I had gone along to watch him only to notice him in the corridor all upset and crying with the teachers trying to coax him in.
H e can be awful to his much younger cousin totally shunning her if she comes to see him.
I have had him standing outside restaurants crying refusing to come in becasue of the smell inside.
He hates going anywhere to socialise is only comfortable going to one or two friends houses.
He has a thing about people staring at him especially when we are going along in the car.
I don,t understand him at all he has pushed many a freind aside just simply says he doesn,t like them anymore.
He is always angry at me.
I went to my doctor about him she advised for him to keep a diary about his feelings when he feels happy, angry, etc.
He is also behind in his writng skills but not sure if thats becasue he hates writing and can,t be bothered.
He refused to have his well done assembly at school becasue he hated the thought of everyone looking at him and refused that day to go into school untill I had been in and told them he didn,t want to do it he was panic stricken at the thought.
The doctor at my request has referred him to aa child mental health clinic and I have had the appointment come through but I am worried I am going to look neurotic if all of this is just normal growing up.
Honest opinions please does he need some help.

He does need some help, this isn't just normal growing up. At least, not in my experience. A few of the things might be normal, but taken all together then it's a lot of issues.

And if I'm wrong and this is normal, at least you'll know for sure - go to the clinic, you won't seem neurotic, and see what help they can offer him. Good luck.

If you don't get many responses here, try posting again under Special Needs - they really know their stuff there and might have some suggestions.

I think the appt's the only way you'll find out!

I read your post and in one hand can liken a lot of those things to my 8 year old, on the otherhand it seems your son isn't happy and perhaps worth checking out.

Not everyone wants to conform - e.g. school assemblies, friendships etc. and your son should be allowed to express those opinions - sadly schools aren't always the best places for providing that sort of acceptance.
It sounds like he hasn't 'found' what he really likes, could you chat to him about hobbies he may like to try, whether it sport/art/music or something else. Give him some different opportunities to focus on.

They won't consider you neurotic at all, you have the appt, so make the most of it.

Good luck!

Yes. He would benefit from someone having a look.

I'll say what I always say which is that whenever there is concern, you should always assess.

Having an assessment will not give your child a problem that they don't have. If it is felt that there is nothing up, then they'll say so.

If, however, they feel there is something, then they can help

So there's no downside. If there's nothing wrong, there's nothing wrong. If there's something, they help.

There is nothing to be afraid of.

Agree with Hecate in that he would benefit from someone having a look and there is nothing to be afraid of. In my (albeit limited) experience, it sounds like Aspergers or somewhere similar on the spectrum.

He is shy doesn,t play with anyone in the street nervous about going out to try and join in with other children asks me to come out with him to which I have refused.
He then attempts to go to the end of the drive to see if he can see them and then comes back looking disgruntled at his lack of successs at seeing anyone.
I have arranged alot of playdates for him and he has told me I only do this so that he doesn,t bother me so that me and his dad don,t have to bother with him.
There are much younger children in our extended family who I know get quite alot of attnetion off family members and he blurted out the one day that nobody bothers with him.

he is an only yes not sure if that has damaged him in some way

Being an only won't have caused his behaviour - don't worry yourself about that
Our pead explained to us that when a behaviour is actually interfering with an individual's life you really need to take action because it's a sign that there is an actual difficulty rather than just personality.
The refusal to go to places and to go to school when he is distressed is not usual behaviour for a 10 year old. Some 10 year olds may feel that they don't like school etc but to actually go to the extreme of refusing to go is much more extreme.

We were recently referred to the child mental health services as a family and I also thought we might be seen as making a fuss. A few months on my DD is much happier, sleeping better and enjoying activities she had dropped out of. I found them very supportive.

I should have added that he is very sensitive to pain the slightest knock etc and he will moan and shout lie about the floor crying for attention.
He does football and he stood out for most of the match becasue just before they started playing one of the boys had kicked the ball into his leg he then came off looking very upset and complained of feeling sick.
He then said they are doing better without me.

He will also have probably gone off the boy that kicked the ball into his leg for life.

I have had all sort of reasons from my family thrown as to why he behaves likes he does such as he is spoilt, etc I am really not sure.

Mindscape - he sounds a lot like my son - particularly in response to pain. My son has other issues and everyone seems to be shifting their feet as to whether it's Aspergers or his "other" problem but whatever it is, my son needs more help and understanding.

Your son needs more help to ascertain how you need to be understanding. Re-post this in Special Needs. You will get loads more help, reassurance and understanding (not for one minute saying you haven't had that already, but a heap more people who get this will see and respond with their experiences).

Sleep is another problem with him he will not sleep in his own bed doesn,t seem to feel secure.
I have had him tossing and turning saying he can,t sleep that his feet are too hot I have had to fill up a hot water bottle with cold water to put around his feet at his request.
I have had him refuse to come near me becasue I have had a plate of toast that he hates the smell of and I have had to put it out of his way.

He have moved away from the school where he had problems with the smell from the school canteen and so far at the new school he has not complained of any smells but he has complained of feeling sick whilst there.
Another incident I had was at the chip shop he stood outside crying banging on the window because of the smell from the chips and he then was heaving.
He was distraught.

Thanks for your help everyone I will post this in special needs.

Yes you must take him for the appointment as he does sound like he is struggling.

You are doing the right thing by trying to help him now but I understand your reservations.

Easier said than done but try not to care about whether people think you are neurotic; you want your son to be happy so follow your instinct & get him help.

I don't mean to be harsh but it helps to develop a thick skin when a DC has issues as there are so many opinions about why kids develop problems. My DS's keyworker told me straight off not to waste time wondering if there were things that I could of done differently to avoid this as usually there isn't & even if there was then I can't change it now. It was good advice & it frees up more of my emotional energy to use on thinking of positive ways to help him. Hope that makes sense.

My son can never settle in his own bed either. And poor regulation of temperature is frequently found in ASD children (apparently). My son is frequently "sweaty" or hot to touch.

See you in Special Needs, Mindscape, and if not, hope that appointment answers a few questions

have the school any concerns?
you coudl ask them to write too.

Could be sensory processing difficulties, often found in children with ASD, but also to be found in children who do not have ASD. Have you read 'The out of sync child'? You may find it really useful. An occupational therapist, trained in sensory processing, could be helpful as well - talk to the school re a referral. The OT could also help with the handwriting - could be a physical or a sensory issue.