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Original poster

How long do you give your DC to settle in nursery before you say enough is enough?

13 replies

aPixie · 23/02/2011 09:57

Ds1 (22months) 3rd session at nursery today.

I know it was going to take him a while to settle as he has been with me 24/7 since he was born.

First session he cried for 20minutes. Second session One hour. Today he screamed before we even entered the building then clamped his arm's around my neck. His key worker (who is lovely) finally managed to take him off me where he then slapped me across the face.

Ds1 has only ever slapped once and that was about 9months ago so he was obviously angry to do it today .

He doesn't have to be there, I'm a SAHM. But we (dp and me) thought it might be good for him to spend a couple of mornings a week with other children, that it might help him along with his speech as he say's very little and basically just enjoy some time where he can do messy play etc

How long would you leave him before taking him out. I don't want to be too previous with it but don't want to leave him there longer than necessary if he doesn't settle.

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paddypoopants · 23/02/2011 10:06

It took my ds ages to settle - at least a month or more. He went 2 days a week. You might find he's really upset when he's dropped off but actually enjoys himself once he's there. Our usually sunny natured DS used to get hysterical when we left him and be as happy as larry by the time we got to the bottom of the stairs. Didn't stop me feeling really guilty. It's a big change for him but 2 mornings isn't very much and he will get to enjoy it- be strong. Some kids at his nursery still get upset when their parents drop them off and they've been at nursery for over a year.

Grabaspoon · 23/02/2011 10:17

A few questions

How many sessions is he doing?

Have the keyworkers told you how he is when he's not upset?

bcmummy · 23/02/2011 10:19

My DS also started nursery 2 mornings a week at around the same age. Like you, I am a SAHM but DH and I decided nursery was a good option to help DS socialise, etc and also so I could have a little time to myself as we have no family nearby to help out. I think it took DS about 3-4 weeks before he stopped crying when I dropped him off in the morning. He was also often upset/getting a cuddle from the staff when I went to get him at lunchtime. The staff told me he would be upset on and off through the morning, but would also have spells when he was having lots of fun. But then it started to change and he stopped crying and now (after about 5 months) he runs in to the room as soon as we arrive and starts playing and barely even notices that I am leaving! He just loves being there and I am so glad I persevered through the guilt.

I understand you feeling so sad/guilty about leaving him there crying - especially if you don't HAVE to, as that was exactly my situation, but I honestly think you need to give it at least a couple of months before you make any decisions. He has been with you all the time for his whole life so of course he will need a bit of time to get to know the staff and the other children and to get used to his new routine. 2 mornings is also not that much time every week so it might take a little while. Once he has got into the swing of things I'm sure he'll love it.

As long as you are comfortable that he is well looked after while he is there and that he is getting lots of cuddles etc when he is upset, then he will come to no harm at all. Hope it gets better soon, and in the meantime try to enjoy your morning of peace and quiet!

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FlouryBap · 23/02/2011 10:25

your DS is at quite a hard age for settling in, not so wee that he doesn't really know what is going on and not old enough to be independent. THIS IS NOT A CRITICISM - i think it is great you are settling him in nursery and my children love theirs. I went back to work when mine were 8 months and one was fine and the other cried on drop off and pick up for MONTHS. also any friends I have that took over a year maternity leave and then put their children in nursery had a much harder time settling them in. but it did all work out ok in the end.

Original poster

aPixie · 23/02/2011 10:27

Hi, and thanks.

Yes, he's doing 2 mornings a week too.

His key worker said he goes through periods through the day of wondering around looking a little lost to getting really engaged in things. She said he's always happy as soon as they go outside with all the bikes and stuff and he's comfortable enough with her to just go up for a cuddle when he needs too. Sometimes he'll just sit in the corner with some cushions and just watch everyone else. There's only 8 children in his room at any one time and usually 4 nursery workers so they still sit next to him when he's sat on his own talking to him and just letting him know they are there if he wants/needs anything.

He cries and runs over to me as soon as he see's me at picking up time as well.

I thought 3 mornings might be better but they don't have another morning free unfortunately.

As for peace and quiet for me, no chance, I have a 5month old too who is permanently attached to boob. Lol.

Ok, so I'll give him a while longer then and see how it goes.

OP posts:

babyapplejack · 23/02/2011 10:29

Personally, I'd keep him at home a bit longer. I think that 22 months is possibly a very difficult age to settle a boy at nursery. I think it can easily be done earlier or later, but I have know a couple of people have real difficulty settling boys of this age.

I settled my (very clingy, anxious) DS at nursery at 3.0. It is a shock becuase they've been at home so long but he adjusted very quickly and made lots of friends. It's a bit easier for them at this age because they have more speech and can interact better with other children and the staff.

In answer to your question, 3 sessions is not a long time to get the child settled. However, my personal opinion is to wait approx. 1yr.

Spandangle · 23/02/2011 10:29

i agree- i think it can take quite a long time to settle. Whether or not i would perservere would depend on what the nursery staff said he was like once i had left - i think a lot of kids do this but once the parent has left for an awful day of anguish and guilt, they have a whale of a time. Also, for me it would depend upon the character of my child- do you think he needs that kind of interaction? i felt very strongly that my daughter was really ready to go to nursery (at 1 year old).

my underlying feeling is that usually it is of benefit and is it harder for kids that havent been to nusery when they start primary school?

Grabaspoon · 23/02/2011 10:31

I would give it another couple of weeks.

I used to run a nursery room for the under 2's and it used to take 2/3 weeks for the part-timers to settle into the routine of nursery and the fact that mummy/daddy will come back especially if they haven't been looked after in a childcare setting like this before.

Good Luck
:)

SylvanianFamily · 23/02/2011 10:36

Have you considered a CM, as a less radical change from his home environment?

The idea is that you find a CM you like, and find out which playgroups she goes to. You then attend with your son for a while, to let him get used to the place, and observe the chemistry between him and the CM on a 'no pressure' basis. Then you move onto her taking him on his own.

I've been in similar circs with my Dds 2nd nursery. Everything was 'fine', she stayed a year, made nice friends and had nice experiences etc.... but in retrospect, it feels like we endured rather than enjoyed, and I don't feel so great about it.

SylvanianFamily · 23/02/2011 10:37

ALso - 2 mornings a week is a bit too short for his to 'get into the routine'. You might find lots more short sessions are more successful.

socialhandgrenade · 23/02/2011 10:42

Another one saying it took my DS 4 weeks to settle. He cried so hard the first time I left they phoned after an hour and asked me to come back. Now he loves it, he runs in, takes his coat off and sits on the carpet in a circle with the others. I'm lucky if I get a backward glance! And FWIW I think he has benefited from being around other children - sharing, turn taking. He's also benefited from having toys around that we don't have at home. I never thought it would be so positive, but I was so glad I gave it a bit longer. I'm a much better mum for having some time without him too.

bcmummy · 23/02/2011 10:48

From what you've said it sounds like your DS is doing pretty well really already when you're not there - after only a couple of sessions he is already having times when he enjoys being there and is sounds like he's just taking his time to figure out what it's all about. Sounds like a really good staff/child ratio too and with there not being too many other kids in his room then it's probably not too manic. Stick it out a while longer - you'll be glad you did. Oh - and enjoy your baby!

Seona1973 · 23/02/2011 11:00

I didnt put either of mine into nursery until they got their free sessions at the age of 3 and both settled in well. If he doesnt really need to go then why not wait a bit longer and try again when he is older.

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