6months later im back and he still wont eat!!

[dirtgirlworld]

its driving me mad!my little boy is 16mo old and hates food!loves his evening milk and morning weetabix but then thats it. wont touch anything, eat anything, on the rare occasion he opens his mouth he'll vomit. he clams up completely.as soon as he sees me coming with a bowl he screams to the point of hyperventilating!its really stressing me out.since june last year he's put no weight on. HV isnt concerned she just said "u need messy play" how can i messy play even though he wont touch anything??
sorry rant over.
any advice appreciated!

I am a big fan of Dr Tanya Byron and she is also an advocate of messy play for problem eaters. It's not just play with food, it's all messy play, so making mud pies, fruit picking (and squidging), jumping in puddles, just generally getting dirty and messy and mummy not minding.

Then also as homeboys says, mess with food, Allowing the child to just play with food, lick it possibly. Have you tried just putting food down and going and making a cup of tea? It seems to ease the pressure. Also, no wiping up mess while they're eating.

I take all of this from House of Tiny Tearaways by the way so sorry if you have tried all of these things.

yeah we've tried finger foods-its out the question as he wont touch anything. as for messy play we did the whole picnic thing, strip him off and let him enjoy it but nothing. he wont even touch play doh! would you worry if it was ur DC or just ride it out?everyone keeps saying its a phase.im just not sure.

Has he ever eaten food? was it pureed or finger food? when did he stop? Have you tried reverting back to his original foods?

I have a 4 year old who went off food about a year ago - i know there were changes to her lifestyle that coincided. We are making very slow process towards her eating more foods.

My tips are do not make a single bit of fuss about the lack of eating, do not try and persuade and do not discuss his lack of eating in front of him.

Every mealtime sit and eat what you give him. Ignore any behaviour from him. Put the food in front of him, eat yours, chat about your day, don't mention the food. When you are finished take his away also. If he has touched anything or eating anything give lots of praise. If not, just don't respond.

The fact that he likes weetabix would make me tempted to sometimes give it for a dinner also, alongside your usual meal. Have you tried that?

The messy play suggestions are a great idea also. Make them complete opposites to mealtimes though - e.g. sitting on floor, and not encouraging to eat, although you could eat so he sees and potentially copies. Baked beans are good fun!

I know its so worrying as parents to have children that don't eat, but so long as hes developing well, drinking and gaining weight, he will come out of the phase eventually!

ok thanks everyone, He ate pureed while he was little then it all just stopped all together.i tried starting again but that failed miserably.tomorrow is another day so will give it a go. he is a very happy clever little boy full of energy.its only meal times but sounds like its bothering me more than him.think sometimes u need an outsider to tell you to relax!he really does love praise, his face lights up when he does something good so maybe i need to bring more of that to the table.
will carry on with the messy play this weekend.
thanks again.x

I'm going to go against the flow and recommend you ask your GP for a referral to a specialist, bypass the HV

weetabix and milk only is an incredibly restricted diet and HV shouldn't have fobbed you off but listened to your concerns

it sounds like he may have somehow been put off food psychologically. It's either that or there's some medical problem, e.g. he can't digest it properly. Do see your GP as Pedlars says, and also see if you can't talk to a child psychologist. My Sure Start centre runs 1-2-1 sessions with developmental psychologist, check whether yours does as well

dunno if this helps, DS was really not keen on food early on.. I started weaning at 6 m.o. and he'd happily have a go at most things, but literally a nibble and then it would be back to the boob. Couldn't do ANYTHING with it and it was driving me mad. Carrot and stick approach worked: I'd put him down somewhere, give him a bit of food, and the moment he'd allow me to shove it into his mouth I'd pick him up and praise him, rock, dance around, anything to make him happy enough not to spit it out. If he'd spit, I'd put him down again (which he hated). He loved making a mess of his food tho and I was happy with that. Even so, wasn't until almost 10 m.o. that he started having more than 2-3 spoonfuls per meal.
I'd also mostly feed him on the go, while he's playing. Thought I'd never get him to sit in his chair again but now he's 16 months he's fine with it.. most of the time :)
He was also never mad on pureed food for whatever reason. It was mostly finger foods which are hard to give a lot of.
Have you tried mixing a bit of fruit/veg puree into his milk? In your situation, honestly, I'd try ANYTHING.
Best of luck!

I guess you need to see whether it is a physiological or a psychological issue. Be honest with yourself - do you tend to wipe up messes on him when he eats (or did eat?) or hover over him, watching every mouthful, or wipe his mouth between spoons etc?

If so it may be that he is totally fine and just needs some breathing space to enjoy food without any pressure at all - so step back, give him food and then busy yourself with something else.

It's hard because I think some children really need the cheerleader approach of having mummy going "well done, you licked a piece of cheese!" and others just need space and time to explore by themselves without feeling observed.

How about having some other children over and giving them all a picnic style meal? maybe he would be encouraged by his peers.

The main thing I would suggest though is to try as hard as possible not to show him that it is affecting you, hard as this is.

He hasn't put on weight since June? So he's the same weight at 16 months as he was at 8 months old?

I would see a GP, I think, and ask. If it were an older child who was being picky as a power play, that's one thing, but if he's vomiting, screaming, and hyperventilating because of food issues, he won't eat anything except Weetabix, and he weighs the same as he did half his life ago then I think that's a bit more serious than most picky eaters. There's a range of things it could be, which are easily ruled in or out; sensory disorders, for example - and I think it'd be better to know, because it might be that you need to tailor an approach to this that goes beyond the messy play thing.

And if it is just pickiness, you'll feel better having had an expert tell you that. An HV isn't really a development expert who deals with toddlers, I'm actually surprised that you still see an HV at his age.

I agree with Tortoise. Bypass the HV and go straight to a GP - preferably with a few days of detailed food diaries. I have a problem eater but nothing like yours. Not putting on weight is something that needs to be investigated.

With messy play, could you start with something that you may not find messy or difficult but he might e.g. dry lentils, rice krispies, dry pasta shapes? Anything to get him used to different textures. It isn't about the eating at all, it's about getting in there and touching. We have a big blue tray that we do messy play in. We started out with the dry stuff but then moved on to wet stuff like jelly, custard or just water. With the dry stuff we put cars and trucks in it, so it really isn't about eating at all - more about transporting!

thanks for all your replies, quite a variation! i think i will take him to the GP to get checked out further.
he was 23lb's in june and still the same now.
Ive never been one to mop up the mess straight away,always wanted him to explore a bit.but i am a bit guilty of hovering round him.pretending to look busy but at the same time making sure he eats! i think he does see it affects me because i actually cried the other day when he wouldnt eat coz he's so skinny and small and he was sobbing coz he didnt wanna eat.doesnt help that the inlaws moan at me that my DP's ex's 9month old baby eats "perfectly well" (but thats a whole other thread!!!) :(
Im worried bout the damage it could be doing inside-no fruit or veg.cant be good.

here you are lovely have a

thank u??now for a real one :)

Oh and try not to worry ,he is a happy healthy beautiful boy and one day he will eat you out of house and home!!

I had similar but not quite so bad problems with my DD (now 3).
Very hard to wean, never got a spoon anywhere near her although she would eat tiny bits of some finger foods.
She was also freaked out by messy play even play dough, wouldn't touch it at all. I remember how embarrassed I was the first time I tried to get her to go in a sand pit and she sobbed and sobbed. Wouldn't walk on grass in bare feet, the list goes on.
She is not autistic but just a very cautious personality. She really doesn't like new experiences of any kind and that applied a lot to food.
She was always small (on 0.9th percentile all her life) and also had a cows milk allergy so those things complicated it too but she was always growing although slowly.
We went to the GP and got sent to see a dietician who was a bit helpful eg in showing me tricks of how to get a lot of calories into the food she did eat. DD also had vitamin drops prescribed which helped me worry less about her nutrients.
I don't think you caused the problem so please don't feel guilty. Its very hard emotionally when your child won't do something as basic as eat and it does make you feel you are failing but you're not! All the stuff about not making a fuss, removing uneaten food, no cajoling or bribing or getting angry is right but so hard to do. There were times when I shouted and times when I cried about it. Other people are always full of helpful (or not so helpful) advice and it is very easy to feel you're being judged.
Today DD is still small and skinny and still not a 'good eater' but she eats quite a varied diet and a lot of fruit and veg and sometimes she surprises me by trying new things.
Please do go and see your GP if HV not helping. There is more that could be done.