Advice wanted on dealing with a 16 month age gap

[hotmama1]

I am due to give birth at end of Jan/beginning of Feb when dd will be nearly 16 months.

I would be really, really grateful for advice & tips on dealing with a small age gap etc.

E.G. DD goes to nursery 3 days a week at the moment - but I am thinking of putting her in full-time in February - is this a really wrong thing to do? Will I be storing up trouble etc.

Obviously, I have no idea what my birth is going to be like - if like last time I won't be doing starjumps for a while!

I really want to try to breastfeed longer this time (lasted 8 weeks with dd) and think concentrating on dd2 with dd1 in nursery may help. DD1 will be walking by them and I don't fancy trying to run after dd1 with dd2 clamped to my breast.

Any advice etc will be gratefully received.

Bump for advice

Hi
i have 15 months between my two youngest,and you need your wits about you with a toddler on the lose!! Your daughter will quickly learn that mummy is feeding baby, and i found that giving her a jigsaw keeps her amused while im feeding.
Just make sure if she does go to nursery more she isn't made to feel "pushed out" try and include her in changing nappy bathing etc.
At 15 months your dd is still a baby too, so just try and share your time and maker her feel special etc etc being so young they are to young for jealousy, and they adapt with the change quicker than we do!!!
HTH
Vicky

Any more advice?

watching this with interest as im about to drop any day and have Jess who is almost 15 motnhs!

Unfortunately, she doesnt go to nursery, and i cant afford for to go either, so any advice greatly appreciated!

None of mine go to Nursery either. My daughter has taken to the baby very well, no jealousy, she knows when mummys feeding baby that she has to amuse herself. A playpen is a brilliant invention if you need to keep them safe while breastfeeding/nappy changing/cleaning up sick etc ! I bought the babydan one which is huge and dd loves playing in there
When feeding your stuck to the spot for a good half an hour sometimes- and believe me they catch on to this very quickly, I have had dd emptying cupboards pressing buttons on the stereo- everything !! So she goes for "playtime" in the playpen now while I feed. Its the best thing I have bought and DH told me I would never use it ! haha
the only other thing is going out and about with them, I use a double buggy and dd tends to want to touch baby alot ( its a side by side buggy) so bear that in mind. Also if you wear baby in a carrier and have the other in a buggy if it rains your buggered !! erm thats all i can think of for now......Hope I havn't put you off !! Its great really !!!

I had 15 months between my second and third and found it was a great age gap. My 15 month old did not go to nursery then. I personally think 5 days a week is too much for a young one. He had a sleep in the morning and a sleep in the afternoon so I had plenty of time with the new baby. I agree a playpen is very handy - I often put the baby in it in his seat so the 15 month old could not get at him! Also make sure you have toddler friendly locks on kitchen cupboards etc. A stairgate across the bedroom door is also handy. DD1 will then be safe in the bedroom (although probably still in cot).
I bathed baby when toddlers were in bed so I could get peace. Agree with age gap being too small for jealousy. Breastfeeding wasn't a problem with my other 2 toddlers arouind. Good luck.

Luckily, the only purchases I need to make is a double buggy - I'm getting a Phil & Ted E3 Explorer which can then act as a single or double and isn't a side by side. Also, I need to get some new nursery furniture as dd1 is still using hers!

I have a travelcot up - permanently to act as a playpen when required - I suppose dd1 will just get put in there when I am bf if she decides to "play up".

Any other advice will be gratefully received - I know there are others in this position.

Hi I'm due in January and will have 18 month old DD and am getting to the "how am I going to cope stage" still trying to convince DP that we will need an e3 but as I have total use of the car now am thinking should I just get a cheaper double buggy.

My DD won't be in nursery either, I have a stair gate across the kitchen door so she can't go in there (have large kitchen cupboard with cat litter trays in it as well as all the other dangers) so the downstairs is completely toddler proof (if there is such a thing).

My other buy is a sling I can breasfed/carry DD2 around in, I used to BF on the move last time, think I will have to perfect it this time.

I think theres a 2 under 2 thread lurking around somewhere as well.

I'm due in January too, and DS will be positively elderly by some of these older siblings standards at 21mo. But I'm still wondering how to cope with two under two... He won't be at nursery, but I am very lucky to have lovely family nearby.

Hi
I have a 17 month age gap between my two boys and have found it a lot easier than I imagined. I think at 17 months my oldest was too young to be really jealous and 10 months on they adore each other. The youngest is tryin his best to walk so he can follow his brother and they have lots of cuddles. I think that the most important things are letting your older child touch the baby whie reminding him/her to be gentle and getting them to help with simple tasks such as fetching a nappy and then giving lots of positive praise about them being gentle/helpful. I try as much as possible to spend some alone time with each child every day while the other is napping etc and it has been lovely to see how great they are together. Always remember - your lap is big enough for 2 little ones!

this thread has really helped me thanks i have baby due in dec when dd will be 14 monthes

My two are five and six now, and it is hard to remember much detail of their first year together! I had a nanny for 3 days a week for the first three months, and she mostly took ds off for his usual socializing (busy nanny network) I thought that was good because it meant that for at least some of the time his life was unchanged, so I think that your dd having some time in the nursery would be a good thing. I would watch about going full time though, because she may get very tired, and that will make your time all together much more difficult. I would say that the most important thing is to get as much help as possible, from anyone who offers! Make your house as safe as you can, because then you won't worry when you are breastfeeding (although you'd be amazed second time around how mobile you can get!) I did a sling and single buggy for as long as I could because it's much more manoeverable (although your buggy sounds very superior!). It will be hard work, but within a short space of time (certainly by the time your new baby is two) you will find that if you talk to families with longer gaps you will see all the advantages - ie they get to be friends and play with each other quicker, the rivalry issue is much less as your dd probably won't remember the tie before your new baby, they will be similar sizes so fighting/hurting each other is less of an issue, they will want to do similar things, be at similar stages etc etc

Good luck! and remember, as much help as possible!

Hi mine are 13 months apart. I have posted this for someone before. My ds wasnt walking when dd was born so that was a bit tough. I was so nervous the first time I had to do the whole evening meal and bath time on my own but it was fine. Your natural maternal instinct just kicks in. Mine are now 3 and 4 and they are the best of friends.
They have a constant play friend and yes they fight occasionally but if I was to have another baby then I would need to have another 2 so as my 3rd wouldnt be left out.(does that make sense).
Its hard to start with but a lot easier now. Good luck

Hi, I agree with most of what's been said here - 15 monthgap, now age 5 & 6.I used the playpen alot to keep baby away fromtoddler, who wasn't walking 'til 17 months.
I couldn't do the nursery thing, but joined every mother and toddler group I could find, and went out every day - it's easy to go a bit stir crazy.
The best thing I did though, they play together and there are lots of advantages, not least getting all the baby stuff over and done with before thinking about getting a life again.
I understand the idea about having to have 2 more if you decide toextend the family. I am expecting no3 infeb, and have already started to consider this problem.

Well... im now 4 weeks into my 15 month age gap... its.... INTERESTING!

Seriously though, Jessica loves Rebecca to bits and isnt jelous of her at all. She did play up a little bit for the first 2 weeks, but if you look at it from thier point of view - their whole world has been turned upside down, it was to be expected!

Ive been lucky in the fact that Rebecca is sleeping really well at night, so im not knackered in the morning when Jessica wakes up. I make sure I take the girls to toddlers at least once a week just to get me out, and a chance for Jessica to run around and burn off some energy. Im quite lucky in the fact that Jessica is still sleeping for up to 2 hours at lunch time so if Rebecca is asleep (which i try and make sure she is!) I am able to get my head down for an hour or so.

Not done the bedtime routine on my own yet, dreading that bit to be honest, put did give it a trial run one morning but Rebecca was not happy just laying so ended up askinbg DH to take her while I got Jessica dried and dressed.

Cbeebies and a shed load of toys are a godsend, as are fetching games.... Jessica has just grasped "take this to daddy/mummy" or "where's such-and-such" so these are keeping her entertained while I feed (bottles) Rebecca.

I will say it does definately get easier - in the last 4 weeks ive noticed how much easier it has got - by the time Rebecca is 6 months old ill probably be wondering what all the fuss was about!!!

I saw this thread yesterday but didn't have time to post. dd1 and dd2 are 17 months apart and it works beautifully. They are 7 and 8 now and still play together a lot, despite being so chalk and cheese it's amazing! I agree with jarm's comments about just being old enough to do the "take this to daddy, bring that to mummy" stuff, and dd1 just loved to help. She was definitely too young to be jealous but old enough to understand that the baby needed things doing. I used to sit and read stories to her when dd2 was feeding, which she loved so much that she positively looked forward to me feeding the baby.

The only thing I found particularly difficult was going to the loo - we only had one loo upstairs at the time, and dd1 couldn't walk up the stairs, so a quick wee for me entailed dd1 under one arm, dd2 in the other, staggering up the steep stairs, balance on the loo whilst holding dd2 and stopping dd1 from investigating the contents of the nappy bucket!!

I had to about the comments about having either two or four when you have had two so close together - ds is currently 4 months and we are soon planning ttc our fourth, aiming for a similar age gap as we have between the girls....

My friend has this age gap and I've got a 19 month gap between my two. The main problem both of us have had is b/f while having a toddler around who hates the lack of attention. However, both of us have managed it! My friend managed by expressing some of the time and doing a mixture of bottles and boob (for six months) so that the older one got more attention when he was around - but she started the expressing early and got herself into a good routine (she is a bit of a Gina Ford mother) I couldn't seem to fit expressing in and my ds has just had to get used to the b/f (dd is 12 weeks and exclusively b/f). Both our eldest go to nursery 3 days a week - definitely keep dd there, it gives you a break. If you are putting her in full time I'd say give her more of a chance to get used to it - that near the birth she might end up feeling pushed out but that is just my opinion - it would make it much easier for you to get used to b/f the little one though.

I could add - your partner needs to be really hands on. Ask him to be prepared to look after dd at lot for the first few weeks, including getting her up in the mornings if you can and try and make sure he is there at bathtimes most evenings if possible as these are the difficult times.

i have found 18m between ds1 & 2 much easier than the 4 years between ds2 & 3. have you got a baby sling? they are brilliant cos you can run around with the toddler with your arms free and baby is still perfectly happy. you can get them which allow you to feed handsfree too. and they mean you dont need a double buggy built like a tank, you can carry on with single buggy and the sling.

i like slings

but seriously, dont worry. its a bit hard for the first few weeks but fantastic after that. baby will sit in bouncy chair and watch toddler for hours

Got 13.5 between mine and it's varied between chaos and fab. At the mo, it's fab, they get closer each day.

The tips are not to get hung up about the non-essentials- why shouldn't a baby / toffler have a bath every 2 days FGS? Or even, bath one each day then take the third as a rest. Get a baby swing- worked fab with ds2, so i could spend time with DS1. Use a sling and buggy for as long as it is comfortable if poss, or at least for long enough to try out double buggy set ups with YOUR baby in as they can be so heavy when laden. I only used the double when DH about, sling did at other times. Do a baby gift list rather like a wedding list if your family will let you, so you don't get swamped with stuff you've still got. Use a carrycot for littlest ones bed, then when oldest goes from cot to bed you can pop smallest into cot and never have to have two of everything.

Actually, the best advice is to remind yourself that you need a break too, that half an hour of one on one with each when possible can save hours of problems, and remember to enjoy them. It's not as bad having them close as it might seem, I'd have done it again if I could.

sp- toffler- mini toff? PMSL!