Did you lose many friends when you became a parent?

[dappymoo]

Sorry I know this is old territory, just feeling quite down at the moment. I know that people have different priorities and people move on, but it's so hard!
I have made some new friends since being pregnant/giving birth, but I miss the closeness of my old friends so much. None of them have babies yet (or are likely to any time soon) and I am finding it so hard to relate to them anymore.
I carried around a lot of resentment during my pregnancy and the first 3 months of my baby's life, because I just felt like there was no way they could understand. They are all quite loud and bossy, and thought they were being supportive, but every time I saw them I just got so upset (I am not massively assertive so found it hard to pipe up)
I KNOW that I was exactly the same and didn't understand what it's like to have a baby, BUT I still can't understand some of the things they did/ do.
e.g. smoking around me while I was pregnant (I did ask them not to),
Every time I see them they moan about having to work all day (I don't of course!?) and how they are always so "exhausted". It winds me up but they clearly have no idea and I just think is there any point in trying to play the who is more tired game? They won't understand until they have kids.

We had a massive row recently when I just couldn't hold my tongue any longer. It's clear that our relationship will never be the same and I'm just so gutted. We've been friends for 10 years and for it to suddenly go is so depressing. Although to be fair I don't know how we are adding anything to each others lives any more.

depressing.

I feel for you dappy. Having a baby changes your life in ways you can never predict.
One of my friends had a baby younger than me and I am at the things I did, thinking I was helping and trying to include her, when I was just making it harder.
Remember your friends need to adjust to the new situation too.

Can you let things calm down a little and then try to have an honest and open conversation about what is going on from your point of view. Try to explain how your life has changed and that, although there are many wonderful things that come with becoming a parent, there are some really difficult ones too.
If they are not prepared to listen and think about life from your point of view then, sad as it is, it is time to branch out and form new, strong, friendships.

FWIW the friends I made when I had my first dc are now some of my dearest, closest friends. They understand completely and are more able to offer genuine support. That didn't come overnight though. It took time to develop the bonds.
I still have close friends from before I had my children, some of whom have now had dcs themselves. Many of them have since come to me and been at the things they just didn't understand until they had their own dcs. Some of them don't have dcs and never will but they have adjusted to the change and we still have good bonds.
Some friends did fall by the wayside. That happens in life no matter what, even if you don't have dcs.

Be patient and work hard to build the bonds with the new mums you have met. They will be your life line. Put effort into your previous friendships too but it doesn't have to be all on their terms. Friendship goes two ways and if they are not supporting you through a period of massive adjustment in your life, even when you have said you need the support, then maybe the friendships have run their course.

Good luck.