Is 20 months too young to say theres nothing else to eat if you dont eat your meal?

[llynnnn]

My initial reaction is yes she is too young to potentially go to bed hungry, but then she is so clever and aware in so many other ways that I don't want this (which is hopefully just a phase) to become a big long term issue.

Dd2 has always been a really good eater (and still is with breakfast and lunch) but over the last couple of weeks she has started to refuse her tea and just asks for different fruit, biscuits, ice cream etc. She definitely does have a sweet tooth, but she has always eaten savoury meals well too.

With dd1, 4.7, we refuse pudding if she won't eat a meal we know she had always liked, but I can't remember when we started taking this line with her?
Is dd2 just too young to get it and for it to have the desired effect of making her realise we mean business!

I wouldn't give sweet stuff or pudding in lieu of a meal. But I would then give her a bowl of porridge or Weetabix just before she went to bed otherwise she will be up in the night with hunger.

Thanks, last night we gave her a banana in the end but it didn't seem enough, although she did sleep through. Will try the porridge if need be, much more filling.
Thanks again

We do the weetabix thing too, around 6ish before bath so he doesn't connect it with having refused perfectly edible dinner an hour before!

Ds always has milk and a snack about 6.30ish before going upstairs for story,brush teeth etc. If he's eaten a big dinner his snack will often just be some chopped apple or a few rice cakes. If he hasn't eaten much I'll put him a yoghurt, fruit salad, rice cakes, toast etc. That way I think he doesn't realise he's got away with not eating his dinner, but I don't have him up at 5am asking for breakfast!

yes we do the supper thing. Then if tea is refused there is no messing around cooking something different or puddings. However food can be offered before bed so they don't go hungry e.g. toast, fruit, cheese and oatcakes.

If supper is refused as well I would presume they are just not hungry. I think at times eating can be become habit at set times and it is important to allow them some freedom with their natural appetite

This is the approach we took with ds who is now 5 and an amazing eater

Thanks for your replies. Will try giving her q supper if she doesn't eat her tea, hopefully just a short term phase anyway!

:) Decision made then :)

FWIW as I have read the thread!! No, she isn't too young and we didn't do supper. They honestly don't need to eat as much as some people think they do, they are quite good regulators of their own appetite if you let them be. If it's just being fussy to exert her power (the most common cause!) then offer her the same thing again later. If you offer her 'nicer' things she will very soon learn it's better to wait for the yummy things.

That is my main concern chipping, she has always chosen fruit and sweet food over anything else. Just not sure if she is.intelligent enough yet to realise that tastier food will come if she waits.

Same fuss again tonight btw, she ended up having porridge and milk half an hour ago! Grrr!

I would be very suprised if she's not (intelligent enough to make the link). They are suprisingly bright by that age - even if they aren't very vocal - they really don't miss a trick!

we're having the same with our 22mo DD. v bright also and doing the same. she has a proportionate amount of pudding - so if she ate one bite of dinner she only gets a minute amount of pudding. we dont do supper as tea is 6.15 and bed 7.30. she has never woken hungry in the night, or early. she seems to be getting the hang of it.

apologies for rubbish typing, her sister is asleep on my chest!

We had similar issues with ds who is a bit older. The following has worked for us: If he says he doesn't want any of his dinner, we let him get down but I will offer the same dinner up to an hour later. If he completely refuses again, I offer supper just before bed, but usually something which to him is quite boring - not things he really enjoys or he might hold out for it on other days! So with ds I would give a supper of plain toast, cheese and banana or something. We never do pudding at home anyway unless it's someone's birthday or something. If we are out he gets pudding if he wants as it is rare he's offered it anyway, though if we did offer pudding i would only give it at home if he'd made an effort with dinner.

My DD is 2.8 and I really believe that when she doesn't eat a meal, it's because she's not hungry. We have never given her an alternative (ie either she eats what she's given, or she gets nothing) and we have never given her additional food just before bed. And she never wakes up in the night hungry.

In my experience of one toddler, I just think that her normal eating pattern is different to my own. That is, she doesn't always need three meals a day plus snacks. Some days she needs breakfast and not much else. Some other days she needs heaps of food all through the day. And this is completely normal for her. Obviously we do always offer her food at breakfast, lunch and dinner, but if she doesn't eat it, we don't stress. She is a completely normal weight and growing normally.

OP, you mention you don't want to turn anything into a long term issue. For my family, what I want to achieve is that we provide nice, tasty (and healthy) food that everyone in the family eats, and that if people are hungry they can have seconds, and if they aren't that hungry that will be respected too. And that food is definitely not something to have arguments about, it's something to enjoy. I don't think that 2.2 is too young to start off with this attitude.

I think that if you go down the "just one more pea for mummy, go on, go on, just eat it darling" route, or the "you can have something else if you don't like what's in front of you" you are just allowing the battlefield to happen, and giving the toddler (or older child!) the opportunity to have the argument. Whereas if you, as the grown up, just refuse to engage in that game, it's actually less stressful and more healthy for everyone.

Widgeon I agree with you, though I do think sometimes ds doesn't eat dinner just because he doesn't fancy it, eg last night though he usually eats everything that was offered. That's why I do the 'boring' supper thing - so that if he is actually hungry but just really doesn't feel like the food on offer he gets another chance to fill his tummy before bed. We rarely have to give it though, tbh he usually eats a good chunk of his dinner, and if he doesn't then he usually does when I offer the dinner plate again half an hr later! Completely agree with not making an issue out of not eating though. We always say if he asks for something else at the table - 'there's nothing else, this is dinner - if you're hungry you can eat it, if not you don't have to' in a matter of fact way. Usually works, thoiugh as you say sometimes he's genuinely not hungry!

Thanks for the replies.
Wigeon, I completely agree about it not becoming an issue, but it does become an argument if she refuses to eat her meal and asks for other foods which I then refuse.
Today though she ate every bite of her meal with no fuss at all. think you are all rifht when you say some days they are hungrier than others.