Don't want to be a shouty mum

[MonkeyandParrot]

I am at the end of my tether with my 2 year old and just seem to end up shouting most days. The DCs are awake between them from 6 am till 9 pm and DD1 just spends all day winding me up (i know she doesn't mean it). Everything is a battle - for example getting her dressed, I offer her two choices and she chooses and gets dressed. She then will shrek hysterically that i put on the wrong clothes . If i redress her she will then just shreiek to get the first ones back on. And this goes on all day. I try and be patient and talk her through how she's feeling but from about 4 pm i just loose it. I hate shouting at my kids and i know shes just acting like a 2 year old but how do i keep my cool? And how to cope with other people judging you all the time? For example, at story time she had a strop because she missed the story (the baby needed feed and i had offered to read her a story in the bf room but she wanted the librarian to read) and it felt like half the library was glaring. The baby needs medication three times daily and i quite often just don't have the time to sit with her and try and sort out whats wrong/

Easier said that done but try not to sweat the samll stuff. All 2yr olds have tantrums about things you discribe, there was a thread earlier this week about things our kids have tantrummed over, have a read through that and you will see you are not alone and it does end (repeat in your head "this too shall pass")

Honestly it will get easier.

I would also try to make your day with them shorter, 6am to 9pm must be exhausting! Start the day with nappy changes, bottles/ breakfast, tv, coffee then get everyone washed and dressed by 9am then go out somewhere (toddler group/ swimming etc) aim to get home for about 11.30ish do lunch, nappy changes, nap time/ quiet time if your 2yr doesnt nap, tidy up a bit put a wash on, put dinner in slow cooker (if you have one, if you don't try and get one they are a godsend) once everyone is awake go for a walk to the park or shops even if just for half an hour. About 4pm read stories, let baby have 20 mins nap if needed, play and give your 2yr old some 1-1 attention if you can. Dinner at 5pm, kids bath time 6pm, give baby last feed about 6.30pm let dd watch tv while you settle baby to bed then cuddle dd, story in bed, lights out by 7pm then you can have a couple of hours to yourself have a long soak in the bath, paint your nails watch tv, mumsnet etc.

hth

Just noticed my spelling is awful, sorry!

Thanks lovemygirls - we actually have a very structured routine intiated by my eldest. Baby wakes at 6 am for an hour feed then goes back to sleep till 8 am, DD1 wakes at 7 am just as baby goes back to sleep and we have breakfast then get ourselves dressed before baby wakes. At 8 baby has her medicine, another feed and then we get her dressed. At 9 we head out for a structured activity (playgroup, swimming, library story time etc)and are home at 11.30 when baby has another feed and goes down for a nap. DD1 play by herself for an hour (in theory - usually these days she clings to my leg and whines) while I cook lunch. Baby wakes at 12.30 and has her medicine then DD1 and I have lunch while baby has another feed (DD2 isn't yet on solids - thats what the medicine is about, not making a difference yet but fingers crossed). I then wash up 'helped' by the girls (again in theory, DD1 lies on the floor and whines at the moment) then we head out agan to the shops/parks/walk for an hour then home again. I play with both girls (again at the moment DD1 whines and complains) then at 5 baby has her medicine, 5.30 DD1 has supper. 6 - 7 pm DD1 has TV time while I feed baby then they both have a bath at 7. DD1 loves bedtime and is in bed at 7.30 but doesn't settle till 8.30. Once DD1 is asleep, I tidy and wash up with DD2 in the sling - DD2 feeds 8 - 9 pm then settles to sleep. Because she is a year and not solids she feeds bi hourly day and night which is exhausting so I get ready for the next day and fall into bed! I tend to MN when feeding .

I know it will pass but I still want to strangle her sometimes! We're stuck indoors today as the baby is have a bad day (read projectile vomit) and i have tried painting, salt dough, tv, playing with toys, baking, cleaning, chocolate, playing in the garden, chocolate cake and nope all she wants to do is sit on the floor and whine that she is bored I have given up and am ignoring her while MNsnettng catching up on emails while baby feeds.

Sounds like you are doing everything you can so just need to ride this hard phase.

Is there anyone who would be willing to look after dd's soon (not today as obv ill kids need mummy but you could organise it sometime this week so you can look forward to a break from the norm, maybe plan something with friends?)

Just solved why she's been acting up and am feelng gulty that i didn't join up the dots! This whole whining/just wanting to complain thing started a couple of weeks ago around the same tome baby was prescribed this medication. DD1 has just vomited and then said 'now i have medicine too' so she is clearly feeling that baby is getting undue attention and linked it to the medicine im not sure baby would define been forced to drink foul tasting stuff three times daily as attention but at least i know the root of the problem

Don't worry. My DS used to wait to be naughty until the minute I had sat down to feed his baby sister, then do something bad just out of arms reach, trying to get me to put the baby down to deal with him.

Now you need to work on catching her being good and giving her lots of attention then.