"being Mummy"....and only "Mummy?"

[Dozeyland]

Hey,

I am a very happy Mummy to my 16 week old daughter. She's such a delight and my partner and I are so happy.

My only thing is where i am 110% dedicated to being a Mummy, its as if i've lost sight of being "ME".......

1. not feeling sexy (even though i didnt really put on weight thank goodness)

1. Feeling like i have no "Me time"

1. or more importantly Special time with my partner

1. I don't feel right DTD at the mo, we have done it a few times but one: its still uncomfortable. and two: its as if i've forgotten! and also i feel odd DTD with DD now being here... silly i know.

I just feel like i've lost contact with myself, im so confident in my role as mummy, but my role as girlfriend and just me not so much..... i've even lost my sense of style. clothing etc.

sorry for rant

I can really relate to this! My dd is now 13 weeks and I could have written this...

Before I had dd, even when preg and feeling crappy, my partner and I were so lovey dovey it made people sick :-) now my feelings haven't changed but both so tired and we cant manage any special time as it still really hurts :-(

Ebf doesn't help with feeling sexy either.. Hard lumpy boobs are not attractive! Still I think we should console ourselves that it is still early days and they will grow up so quickly!

I so remember feeling like this, I felt like my boobs belonged to my ds and I was a "mummy" and not allowed to be overtly sexual even while in the act IYSWIM?!

Sex hurt for me too, are you breast feeding? As this can be a contributing factor, it drains you of some endorphins (not sure if this is medically correct but something like this) - I just know that sex did not feel right until I had totally stopped - depressingly for me this was when ds was 16 mnths
Lubricant can really help with this BTW.

Try and have some alone time, even if its a half hour swim or a coffee and read of the paper in a cafe. It does get better and you stop feeling so "mummy"!

I love being a Mum, I honestly have never had a better job! but yeah its the feeling of not feeling like "me" thats a pain.

I definitely felt like this "boobs belong to DD) too!

I think having a little one in your personal space all day doesn't help, one they're off to bed you want space, not dh pawing at you. Bf releases oxytocin as well and I think the regular top ups of oxytocin mean you don't need the sexual intimacy for the oxytocin fix.

Most dps can be understanding if you explain you need space. Get dp to take baby so you can have a bath or a bit of you-time, you may find a little break is just enough to make a bit of intimacy with dp more appealing.

Best I can say is that they aren't little for very long in the grand scheme of things, and you will get back to your old self. If you can ask DH to be patient for a short while, let the baby have his time, because it will be no time at all before your little one is running away or pulling faces when you want a hug.

Ds2 is 13 weeks, ds1 is nearly 6yo. I almost can't bear the thought of dh even being too close to me! I'm so emotional etc but also my boobs aren't for "that" any more so it all just feels a bit weird. I was the same with ds1 but it all changed back eventually. I think it's mother nature butting her nose in so baby gets everything you have to give

she's only little, it gets better, honestly. but be kind to yourslef

Thanks for the replies.

I am really enjoying our baby girl, we both are. We had a lovely evening together the other night as we are house-sitting. DD was asleep and it was just so lovely catching up (even though we live together!) but having a new baby does take over doesn't it. which we both fully understand.

My only other hurdle is the "No idea what my style is anymore/ not taking time to make myself look/feel nice)

Even if its painting my toes, moisturising properly and not just using baby wipes! etc..

i keep saying all in good time!

I am so thankful for my life, just wish i get my confidence back in regards to my "look"

i dont feel too peachy (still anaemic)

been meaning to do a workout dvd but never have time! lol

Can you do an exercise class say, one night a week while DH takes baby for an hour or so? It does the world of good.

Also, get him to take her while you get your hair/nails done.

I know what you mean by the style thing. I have always dressed in a very polished retro look, with corsetry, stockings heels (even if I had walking to do I would wear boots with a sturdy heel), but now everything is a size too small and not suitable for crawling about the floor with a baby. Investing in a pair of flat knee boots and some leggings so I can wear some of my old skirts and dresses without flashing my pants at stay and play made a huge difference to me feeling less dowdy and more like me again.

Re: style etc, have you splashed out on any fashion mags recently? I love looking through and seeing what I can adapt from er, more affordable ranges and it reminds me I have outside interests too!

I need to get into my fashion mags again! even though i do love Mother & Baby magazines!

I treated myself to some new jeans, a top, cardi and scarf the other day, felt fab treating ME! and not just walking to the baby section - even if i did get DD something too!! lol

Now the problem is my skin since giving birth and BF my skin is terrible, dry and breakouts. and DULL!!! :(

This is totally normal. Allow yourself to get back to being you when you are ready. Surely you must have expected this to some degree. Your life has had its biggest ever change, you will be different now.

I think all new mum's go through this. Its the biggest shock to the system isn't it?!

I have 2 DC 3 and 1 and I am just starting to remember who I am again, and having time to be ME. If I had not had the second when I did I am sure this feeling would have returned much quicker.

Dont worry, be kind to yourself, it comes back but it may well get worse before it gets better. Enjoy the Rollercoaster