Feeling at peace.

[Orangeflower7]

I love my two little boys lots but only really feel at peace / totally calm when they are not around. Just now they have gone swimming with their dad and I did a bit of yoga which was lovely. I am a sahm which I enjoy but was wondering if others feel the same. I think it might be the responsibility. Although we have chilled out times eg painting, playing dough, cooking, walks, all of which are quite calm I am still sort of seeing trough their eyes I guess. Not just being totally alone. There was a talk thing along these lines on Woman's hour once, whether mums really need time out or relaxing with the children around was possible!
Does this resonate with other Mn- ers?

Snap! Just love that feeling when DS is elsewhere and I can just be me. You were a person before you were a mummy and it's nice to be a person again for a while. If they're in the house, a bit of your brain is always on them.

Yep, resonates with me for sure. I love my DCs but when I'm with them I am constantly 'on call' and feel like I'm waiting for the next demand/cry/problem to solve. I'm also constantly planning our next move in my head - e.g. what we'll eat and when, how we'll leave somewhere without a showdown, whether one needs changing, have they got enough clean vests.

Time out (and I don't mean sitting on a step) is fantastic. I often just like staring out of the window when I'm not with them.

Then again, even when I'm not with them I'm never completely alone - ie I'm always wondering how they are and thinking about what they'll have for tea!

Me!

I'm sat here practically in tears from not having any space of my own. Just fed 4mo DD and put her to bed. Just had 3 meltdowns from nearly 3yo DS in the space of 2 hours, plus yet another poo and wee in his pants so we are putting him back in nappies tomorrow.

I spent a lot of today cleaning or tidying and batch cooking for the freezer. Even when DH took DS to the pool this morning, I still had to do chores and feed the baby and get her to sleep and entertain her.

I have had no time to myself all day which has not involved one or other child or a chore. And I really just need my brain to just switch off or to focus on me.

The problem is that I am on mat leave at the moment so my life is one long round of mundane stuff between the playing which is fraught and not very enjoyable anyway because DS will not let me play unless I do exactly as he says. DH gets a breather from it 5 days a week where he can be himself - although he is working, it is a break from the children and a chance to do what he is good at. I am finding that I am good at parenting a baby but not good at parenting a 3 year old :(

I took on an OU maths course to try and have me time while on mat leave but it is constantly getting left as the last thing on my list so I never get round to it.

So instead of sitting on the sofa with DH, I am now going to treat myself to some pourely selfish me time in the study with the door closed doing some maths. Time for me and my needs I think.

totally agree OP

It has been one of the hardest parts of being a mum, when you realise you are 'on call/ alert' 24/7 for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. I am being slightly dramatic - but only slightly.

It has been the hardest realisation to make and adjust too but whenever I do get a moment I grab it with both hands!!

Every sunday morning DH and a friends DH take our 4 boys (2 each) from 10 - 12 to give us mums a break and usually for me that means bath and The Archers Omnibus

It's tough being 'on call' all the time-even at night I'm half waiting for one of them to wake up! I used to find going to the gym a chore,but now I love it. If I can get an hour away it's the one place where I can put my music on and not even think about what needs doing at home,what time kids need to be fed etc. Hopefully it will get easier as they get older and don't need such constant supervision-although im sure I'll still be up at 2am waiting for a phonecall to collect one or other from a nightclub etc.

Hi glad it's not just me then! Meg- can totally relate to that having had a second baby when older son was 3- there is a good book along the lines of "No socks and a hairbush..' something like that about having a second which made me feel a lot better at that point. had to put our first ds back in pullups too, I remember explaining to the pre-school. The 3 yr old funding was a godsend meaning some time just with baby, think I would have combusted otherwise.

Think it gets a bit easier as they get a bit older, although it is different. For example they can get Ideas, like oh, maybe I'll go and try and explore the battery charger hmm... so instead of watching they don't climb the walls, (literally) you are thinking of other things.

Maybe we could share ideas to keep ourselves calm and not too burnt out. One thing I like (but haven't done recently as has been winter) is to go to the botanic gardens with the toddler, really lovely when they are just toddling as can take the radio or a book and a rug, settle under a tree and they can potter about. Kind of grow out of that though and soon are on a Mission! (to get in duckpond or whatever. Another is to listen to desert island discs on a Friday morning in a bubble bath while the toddler potters around the edge, or gets in (can be relaxing or not)Have to say these are easier not ds1 is at school though.

Would second that about the gym Roo- it now feels like a sanctuary especially going in the sauna bit of a treat! Is also good for getting up there and having a shower! And riding the wave yes I know wheat you mean about staring out the window..I go to town on a Saturday and people watch from a cafe. I turned down a chat from a (childless) friend and she founf me out on my own thought I was a bit strange! And have another mum friend who is a sahm but has a Saturday job in a florists which has a little stand in the alley and she loves that the best can see why...

I suggested to her we have a film morning like the cinema for mums and babies with a grown up film, woud have to see how toddlers got on though with that. Is hard when relaxing things make you feel guilty eg sometimes I feel guilty about loving the radio when you hear things about background noise stopping them hear words...or something...but I figure you have to have a bit of a compromise...

Yes I feel the same even though I only have one child! I adore her and being with her (why do we always feel we need to justify these things?!) but I find that even some "me" time doesn't fully relax me, because I'm very aware that it's temporary and that the hard work will begin again soon, whether it's after an hour or a day or whatever.

I think what I really want- and can't have- is for being a mum to be less hard work! I want all the wonderful bits but without the tough parts.

I feel slightly guilty for admitting that.

ShushBaby, are you me? Because that is exactly how I feel too!

Ah yes I know...same here..get a bit antsy while having any relaxation time thinking about going back to it- and is not really the child/ren, just all the stuff going with it, oops getting summoned by ds2 aha...