2.5 year old just started to stutter???

[lovecloud]

Hello

We recently went on a break with family and my brothers son who is the same age as our dd hit or irritated my dd the whole 5 days.

I felt so sorry for her as she is not used to anyone hitting her, all of her friends never do this.

Lets just call him "Jake".

Jake is a very active and cute boy, he is quite well behaved but when it comes to other children especially his age he is constantly in their face, like standing 1cm from their nose, blowing raspberries and spit into their faces and then prods them with whatever is in his hand. when the child protests he lashes out and hits very hard into the face or pinches.

It is such an awkward situation for all of us as I do not want my child to have to suffer this, i know all children do this to a certain degree and almost impossible to avoid at a playgroup but when you see your child having to go through this all day for 5 days you cant stand it. Jakes parents try their hardest to stop him and make him apologise everytime but they dont discipline him.
I see the mums frustration and so I back off.
Anyway this holiday effected my dd because everytime she was hit she would cry or scream, this would happen up to four times or more any hour. After a day or two, Jakes parents (my brother and his wife) started to take their anger out on my dd and started to tell her to "stop being silly", "it wasnt that bad", "oh for gods sake not again" etc. My dd is not used to anyone speaking so negatively and anyway she has a right to cry out if hit. Basically they wanted her to grin and bear it and sadly on the last day she did
She also came home stuttering, I feel this was because of what she had to go through on holiday.
It is only when she pronounces the first word.
We where at our families yesterday to catch up since holiday to compare snaps etc and Jake was back to his old tricks and harassed her the whole time. she ended up sitting in my lap and looked wary of my brother and his wife.

I came home upset, i know it is a very touchy subject and they find it difficult as he is like that with all children so they are well aware of how he behaves, but it has now effected my brothers attitude towards my dd.

I don't think Jake is the problem but his parents, fair enough that they try to control the behaviour but if they constantly fail, probably you can intervene before he hits. DS was repetitively hit or even punched by some friends's son (Although the other child was 5 yrs old, he once punch DS, then 5m old, in the face!) At the beginning we didn't want to say anything specially because they tried to stop the problem but, saying "no darling don't do that" was not really working... soooo, the next time he started DH told him twice not to do it, on the third one he holdthe child's hands and told him in not exactly a friendly and quiet voice to stop it. I really don't know if that stoped the child but certainly his parents controlled him better to avoid my DH telling him off.

I think that if they stand up by their son, it's only right that you do the same for your daughter, yes, they may feel frustrated BUT so do you. And pretending that the girl is the problem because she cries a lot is very unfair, even if she didn't cry she should not be hit in the first place.

Other thing you can do, is to limit the contact with the family until Jake's behaviour has improved.

Oh dear - tricky one because you'll be seeing them again from time to time I guess at other family gatherings.

How old is Jake? Is he at school or pre-school yet? If he is, this'll come up as something to be addressed with other children he is in contact with and your brother won't be able to brush it off all the time as nothing if everyone else gets upset for the same reason.

Jake might just grow out of it as he gets older; some children can be a bit over-demonstrative until they learn a bit of body language amongst their peers. He sounds boistrous and your dd probably doesn't know how to deal with it, which may come with experience on her part too. Not very nice of your brother and his wife to dismiss your dd's feelings as unimportant though.

If your dd has come home so upset she's stuttering, personally I'd give her some space from Jake for a while. That might not be the pc answer, but I would put her feelings first in this case. Do you have to see them very often?

We have decided to distance ourselves for now.

Jake is a lovely happy child and gets so excited when around other childrenn that he can hardly contain himself and suddenly runs up to dd, right up to her face, squeals with excitment and then shoves her in the chest.

it is not like he does it with a menacing look, he almost looks a bit mad sometimes.

so his parents will say "oh, he is just so excited to see you "nnnnn" he does not mean it" so my dd is left crying a bit confused as far as she is aware he has been naughty.

i do interfere and if i think he is about to do something i usually get down next to my dd so i am there to grab his hand or i just pick her up and move her. i see this irritates the parents, their comments suggest they think i am over reacting or making a big deal out of it.

it sounds like they are horrible but really they are not, i love my brother and we have always got on fantastic, his wife is lovely too and our relationship is great until we had children and now it has become difficult.

my dd is very gentle and never hits but if she was a bit mean or upset another child, i stop her right there and then and make her see what she has done, i make her apologise and if she showed no remorse or done it again i would take something off her or remove her or make her sit in the naughty corner.

just saying no and making a child apologise does nothing.

jake will immediately apologise, hug and kiss my dd then 5 minutes later punch her back.

i guess only time will tell and i hope it is a phase. his mum is pregnant so he will have to learn soon. i am sure the will be harder then.